AcadeMama

Things I'd Love To Do

2012-01-26T17:12:00.001-08:00

Lots of people have a "lotto list," alist of things they'd do if they won the lottery. I don't play the lotto, so my version is a list of things I'd do if I just had a full-time job (even if I had to save up a while).

I'd love

1. A weekend getaway to NYC with Hubby. We could have a great dinner somewhere fabulous, then catch a show, and spend a few hours doing the museum thing, all sans kids. Of course, we'd only be able to do this if we had a reliable, mature babysitter who could handle a weekend job. I don't know if this will be possible until the kids are out of the house, but God it would be nice!

2. Have a spa day. Like, the whole. entire. day. Massage, facial, hair, pedicure, the works.

3. Go to more museums in nearby New England Town.

4. Eat at a decent restaurant once a week with my family.

5. Take the family back to Home State for a visit this summer.

6. Buy the perfect buffet table for the dining room.

7. Get my hair trimmed on a regular basis (more frequently than once every 5 months).

8. Move forward with kitchen renovations.

9. Buy new shoes when I need them.

10. Start planning our next family vacation!

New England Living and Other Stuff

2012-01-22T16:34:00.000-08:00

We got our first good, solid snowfall this week, about 4.5 inches overnight Thursday, and then another 5-6 inches yesterday. It was beautiful! They're well prepared for snow here, and all the main roads were plowed and sanded by the time I commuted to campus at 8:00 a.m. Friday morning. Though we missed church this morning (somehow I woke up with a fever??), I managed to improve enough to go play in the snow with the girls. We made snow angels, I pulled them around in the sled, and we had snowball fights. I felt so amazingly blessed and happy to be here! We don't often feel that way in life, do we? Or, if we do, it seems fleeting and somehow associated with something temporal, like a vacation to some place exotic or something.

I mustered the gumption to head to the gym this afternoon, a much needed event since I didn't make it in the past two days. I forgot to mention that I've lost over 1% body fat in about 10 days!! That's a huge thing for me to see as progress, since the scales aren't actually going down. I still occasionally have some back and neck pain, but the doctor is planning on doing a second ablation procedure, which basically burns the nerve endings so that they can't send pain signals to the brain. The procedure lasts anywhere from 6 months to 2 years, and I'll be thankful for any pain-free time I can get!

I've started teaching my classes, and I know I'm going to LOVE teaching Shakespeare!! My students are fun, they're talking about how interesting the historical context is, and they're putting the context alongside the text in really productive ways--hooray!

The new schedule is still a bit crazy, and I'm supposed to be home schooling Eliza, yet I haven't chosen a curriculum yet. I feel completely unqualified, and I really don't know *how* to do this. So, for now, we're doing several worksheets, covering basics, and I'm trying to get a solid idea of what she knows and where she needs to do some extra work. I'm really hoping I can something more formal in place soon, so that we'll feel like it's more "school"-like.

I Did It

2012-01-20T13:11:00.000-08:00

I applied for a non-academic job.

It's very possible that nothing will come of it and that there are 10 other people vastly more qualified than myself. But, I did it.

It's a position in the Center for International Engagement at my current school. Basically, the post involves being the point person for all international and study abroad students, processing student visa paperwork, outreach activities for international students, being the coordinator for their honor society, assisting the Executive Director, hosting foreign visitors, diplomats, and/or faculty, etc. All of the responsibilities are things I've either done before, have some familiarity with, or would be very good at. They really preferred someone with experience living, working, and or traveling abroad....Hey, that's me! As well as someone who's worked with international students....Me, again! They also preferred someone with a Master's degre. Um, how about I do ya' one better?!

It's a full-time job with a salary more than twice what I make now and job security. If I were to get the position, it would mean that we'd be able to stay in New England for the long haul. These things are all good.

It would also mean that I would mourn the wasted time, money, and sacrifices of the entire 6+ years spent in my doctoral program. It would mean that I would grieve the loss of a dream about what I'd be doing with my life. It would mean several things that are not good. But, I'm not going to think about those things right now, because the application I just put in may never even get past the HR stage.

I secretly hope it does though.

Trying to Find My Body

2012-01-15T15:20:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in the past five years, I lost my body. Well, I did lose all the weight I gained while pregnant with Eliza, but I never lost all the weight I gained with Amelia. I was within about 10 punds several times, but since her birth, I've never been able to establish a long-term lifestyle change in both areas: fitness and nutrition. I'll skip all the reasons, because they really don't matter. What matters is that I've had enough. Not only did I decide that I had to make a change and start getting back in shape, but I've committed myself like never before. I joined a gym and hired a trainer!

I started by going to a kickboxing class that I just barely survived. The experience was humiliating, as I saw my thighs jiggle in the mirror and gasped for air, trying to keep up with the group. Never mind that my arms were so tired during the exercises that I sometimes had to just stop and let them relax a minute. I was completely disgusted with myself, but the experience showed my just how out of shape I am and made me even more determined to stick with this.

I signed up with a trainer the next day, and having someone to whom I'm accountable has already made a difference. I also signed up for a Biggest Loser contest! The person who loses the highest percentage of body fat is the winner and wins a $200 Amex card. My current goal is to lose at least 5% body fat. I'd originally hoped to lose 30 pounds, but since I'm doing lots of strength training, the fat lost will be replaced by muscle, which weighs more. Just so nobody thinks I'm some skinny girl bitching about some tiny bits of cellulite, I'll make it clear:

Height: 6'2"
Weight: 190 pounds

Now, I'm not in any sort of health risk category; I just know that I'm not in the kind of physical shape I've been in throughout most of my life. That has to change, for me, for my kids, for my sanity.

While I've been in tremendous pain at various times in the past week, I was able to see progress early. I lost 1/2 percent of body fat in five days!! And the best part is that I really haven't changed what I eat too much. I've changed when I eat by making sure to have something small every 2-3 hours. I hope this routine continues once the semester starts this week, because I've really enjoyed the sweat, talking with a few other people at the gym, and having a goal to work toward.

Student Loans and Life Insurance

2012-01-15T15:13:00.000-08:00

I don't think I'd argue that those of us with extreme amounts of student-loan debt--mine is approximately $130K--should have all our debt forgiven simply because the economy tanked and the academic job market is non-existent. I do, however, think some sort of relief should be possible for those of us who haven't been able to secure full-time work after getting our degrees. Something beyond the income-sensitive plan, which basically means that one still pays well more than the original total of principle and interest over a 20-year period, and then the balance of the debt is forgiven. Over that 20 years, people will need to buy a car, pay for medical expenses, child care, college tuition for their own children, and all sort of other things. I'm not even halfway through this period, and I've already realized I'm worth infinitely more dead than alive. It's not a good feeling.

To Clarify

2012-01-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

In my last post, I mentioned a career in academia as a calling, rather than simply a job. Because I sensed just a bit of condescension or, at the least, a slight eye-rolling cough of "Ahem...bullshit," I feel like I should explain a bit what *I* mean when using this term and the context from which it emerges.

I do not mean that I've heard God speak to me and whisper sweet nothings about a tenure-track job He's personally lined up for me. I have not heard voices or seen "signs," nor am I a Bible-beating evangelical who uses God's will as an excuse/explanation for all things that happen in my life or the lives of others. What I am is a Christian who believes in a very few fundamental matters of faith: God, Jesus, sin, forgiveness, faith beyond explanation/science/reason, and prayer. These are the primary elements of my personal belief system. I realize that there are many academics, particularly in my own discipline, who likely find this utterly ridiculous, and that's perfectly fine with me. To each his own. I am a real live human being who still struggles to find the right balance between what I believe about the world, creation, spirituality, and how to best live my life and raise my children with a value system that is a meaningful, truthful search for how to be a better human being for the sake of myself, those I love, those with whom I co-exist, and the world in general.

When I say that a career in academia is a calling, I am using the term "academia" in a broad sense. I definitely feel like there has been a somewhat defined path in my life that has taken shape with preparation for work in education. There are many things that have happened along the way that were quite coincidental and, consequently, have made my own journey through professional training in this career more successful than it might have been had I actually known to be asking certain questions (i.e. What senior scholar is the *best* in my field right now? How can I study with that person?). Instead, for other reasons entirely, I ended up plopping right down at a program with one of the best scholars in my field, and I'd never even heard of her. I have had relatively few obstacles in proceeding through graduate school, working with a fantastic committee, meeting very helpful colleagues in the field, and being in the position overseas to have the time and financial support for my research to produce work while still teaching and hitting the market. All of these things suggest to me that I'm still doing okay for now. This year was my first traditional run at the job market (by traditional, I mean that I'm back in the U.S. instead of conducting a search from halfway around the world), and after seeing what was available, I knew there was little hope for any job candidate *not* from an Ivy or top-tier school.

Maybe I'll end up using my skill set in another form. Of course I'll be keeping my eyes open for administrative positions at my current and local schools. And if the time comes when this is no longer an option for us---as in, we financially cannot make it any longer---then I will do whatever I have to do. I have several years of experience in banking, HR, and accounting, and I've never been one to shy away from whatever work was needed to pay the bills.

Until then, I'm having a great time planning my Shakespeare syllabus, and I'm reminding myself of the good things that can come out of teaching first-year composition. That is: I'm enjoying what I do for a living and trying my best to learn as much as I can from it. I'm part of the committee to bring a Women's Center back to our campus, which has helped a tiny bith with networking, and I'm planning to make some new connections in our Center for Teaching and learning that will help open possibilities in that area. This plan doesn't seem crazy or stupid or misguided. It seems like a level-headed awareness of what's best for now and what may (or may not) be options in the future.

The Plan

2011-12-28T19:29:00.000-08:00

The comments to my previous two posts have, as intended, had me thinking quite a bit more about my options--or lack thereof--in the current academic job market. Contrary to what most commenters seem to think is the best plan, I'm going to stick it out for at least another full academic year. Call me crazy, stupid, or just plain blind, but I'm basing my decision primarily on three things.

The first is that, contrary to "Linc's" comment that "Academia is, in the end, just a job," it is much more than that to me. It is truly a calling, a long-time goal, and the end result of the past 7 years of work, sacrifices in time away from family, and living in poverty. It is the thing that makes me happy to get out of bed and go to the office, to spend extra hours meeting with students, to work even when I don't need to or am not expected to (for example, now, when research and presenting at conferences are not in any way factored into my position). I honestly cannot imagine myself doing anything else.

The second reason driving my decision to stay the course is that, on average, it takes 3 years for newly-minted PhDs to land a tenure-track job. That's what I was told when I entered my graduate program, and that's what I witnessed in the job market process of several colleagues from my program. Linc further suggests that if I'm "not getting interviews this season—fresh PhD, publications, good teaching record, at least some jobs being advertised—it’s time to rethink the career path. Unless [my] appeal is about to dramatically change (e.g. your dissertation being reformulated as a book, but NOT just adding a new course taught or another article), [my] marketability is not going to change." I disagree with this. Each semester in my current position has offered a new course to teach, which has brought the opportunity for more learning on my part and more confidence in both my knowledge base and skill set. For example, by teaching Shakespeare and incorporating it into my research work, I'm able to more credibly call myself an Early Modernist, rather than a Restoration/18th c. scholar. In turn, this broadens the number of positions to which I'm able to apply.

The third reason I'm going to hang in there a bit longer is that this year sucked in terms of the number of jobs in my field. There were less then 30 in my field, and of those 30, a good number of them were at very prestigious schools, which are likely to only hire Ivy-pedigreed grads. Several of the other positions were somewhat narrow in their search. For example, the secondary specialty was poetics or digital humanities, or tapdancing, or some other subspecialty that wasn't a good fit for me. That doesn't mean I don't have a wide range of secondary interests, but rather that this year's positions were frequently looking for something else. It just wasn't a good year for my field.

I choose to be optimistic, to believe that something will work out, and that God has a plan for me. I can't imagine that He's brought me to this point--through graduate school in three different states, through 10 years of teaching, to the Middle East and back, to a wonderful advisor, to two very good publications and a dozen conference presentations--only to leave me unemployable in this profession. I could be wrong, and I may occasionally be down about the situation, but for now....I'm not out. I have lemons, and I choose to make lemonade!

Good News...Finally

2011-12-18T21:30:00.000-08:00

Not one, not two, but THREE good things to come from one e-mail.

"Dear AcadeMama, would you be interested in teaching Shakespeare in the spring?"

Why yes, yes I would! This resulted in not one, but TWO Shax courses, which then resulted in an eliminataion of one of my comp courses--the 8:00 a.m. course!--huzzah!!

This news has me all sorts of giddy, but I'm also really nervous because a) it's been a long time since the Bard and I have been together and b) I don't want to screw this up. This does, however, how that I'm flexible and happy to teach a new course at the very last minute, and it will be great for my CV.

Selling Out? Or, How Long Does One Wait?

2011-12-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

This is the question: How long do I wait on trying to get a full-time academic job before I decide to get off the pot?

I live in an area where there are more schools (colleges, community colleges, universities) per square inch than probably anywhere else in the country. Theoretically, my chances are good that I would *eventually* land some sort of full-time position, though probably teaching comp classes. In the meantime, we cannot afford to live forever with me being employed only part-time. I've found out some good news, that I'll actually get to teach a summer course in my field, which is great! Unfortunately, the fall assignments have already been handed out, and I'm still down to two classes.

On one hand, I know that once Eliza is in school, that will free up about $500 a month. And then, a mere 2 1/2 years later, Amelia will be in school, and there's another $500 a month. Of course, by that point, we will surely have to actually purchase a new vehicle and take on a car payment (something we haven't had since the first year we were married). Will something come up during that time? Who knows...

On the other hand, I want things! I want to do things! I want to go out for dinner, take the kids to Disney on Ice, a movie matinee...I want to be able to buy lounge pants just because I like them and I could use them. We can't do those things on my part-time budget. When I have money, I don't feel the urge to spend it. When I don't have money, it really bothers me, I feel trapped, and I start thinking about jumping ship altogether.

Like, what if I could get hired at a drug company? Sure, I'd be selling out, but I'd have money, right? No, I shoud try to draw on my skills....wait, I don't think I can sell free-lance literary criticism. Okay, how about a middle ground? There's a full-time administrative assistant position open at the Planned Parenthood office in Nearby Big New England Town. That would still be something I'm passionate about. I've looked at local listings, and there are no part-time administrative positions that would allow me to keep teaching and stay active in academia. I could go back to the banking industry. Of course, any of the options that take me out of academia essentially mean that I can never go back. And what the fuck does that mean?

It means my heart breaking more than a little bit. It means feeling like I've let down my advisor and completely wasted her time, as well as the time of my other committee members. It means forever wanting to slit my wrists when I make that student loan payment every month. It means that I might as well shit all over that PhD I worked so fucking hard for. But really, isn't that what it might come to?

A Post Wherein I Bitch...a Lot

2011-11-29T17:37:00.000-08:00

Part of the reason I haven't been blogging much...okay, at all, is that I don't want this space to become a Bitch Journal. I don't want to be a blogger who does nothing but complain, criticize, and point fingers. Unfortunately, as job searches move forward--without me--I can't help but feel awful. Like, I'm a failure-sort-of-awful. Like, I'm the only person I know from my graduate program who hasn't landed a full-time job (not necessarily tenure-track).

I know the market sucks and that, in many ways, the entire search process isn't much more than a lottery. I mean this only in the sense that a candidate can do all the Right Things--present at national conferences, take advantage of years of teaching experience, have a SuperStar advisor, and even publish in solid journals--and it still may come to nothing in this market. This is not to suggest that those who land the mythical tenure-track job don't deserve it. Rather, I mean to point out (just like many others have) that the market is flooded with people who have done all the Right Things. So, while the pedigree certainly matters and can filter out the chafe from the wheat in the eyes of some search committees, the rest seems to be a coin toss. At least that's the view from my seat.

To add to this, I got my teaching assignment for next fall, and I still only have two fucking courses, and they're both comp classes!! I can't do this forever. WE can't do this forever. This living off of one full-time salary and my piddly-ass adjunt salary for two classes...we can't do it. And I only have so much patience. I just feel like I've worked too hard and been too poor for too many years to continue being a fucking indentured servant with no job security indefinitely.

Needless to say, I don't do well with uncertaintly. I have really, truly been doing my best to remember that I'm not in control of things. That God brought our family here for a reason, and that He has a plan for me. He has always provided for me, and I know He will continue to do so: God's timing is always perfect. In my head, I know this. But this hasn't been enough to calm the anxiety, curb the sadness, or dampen the resentment I feel at a department that does nothing to make adjuncts feel included, supported, or appreciated.

To make everything worse, I have made no friends here. Zero. Because adjuncts aren't given offices to share--we only get the rent-a-space for our allotted office hours each week--I don't even have the luxury of being on the same floor or in a shared space with other members of my department. I have literally only met two members of my department (other than the chair). Besides home and campus, the only other place where I spend time is at church for our youth group nights. Please, tell me, what the hell am I supposed to do to make friends in a new city/state at 35 fucking years old? I'm not asking for a BFF or anything, I just want someone I can grab a drink or lunch with occasionally. Someone to kvetch with when I've had a shitty day, and someone who wants to kvetch back. Is it me, or does this line of work *really* not lend itself well to social relationships?

I did get a request for a writing sample today, which came just at the right time. But then I poked around on the faculty pages and found that the school already has a VAP in field for which they're hiring, *and* ze does creative writing as well. This person just received the PhD this year, so my thinking is that maybe that's why ze only has a VAP position right now, but that essentially there is an inside candidate. So, forgive me for thinking I've got less than a snowball's chance in hell of this going anywhere.

Yes, I'm all sunshine and roses here folks. If you're looking for Susie Sunshine, let me know when you find her. Kthnxbye!

Catching Up

2011-10-23T05:48:00.000-07:00

Here's some of what I've been up to...It's not an exhaustive list, but it's enough to give you an idea of why the blog went to the wayside.

- Hannah started a youth group at a local church. After attending with her the first couple times and meeting the other kids, I decided I wanted to get involved. Now, I'm a youth group leader. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be in this role, but I just couldn't not do something to contribute to the lives of these kids.

- I was told I might not have a job next semester. Then, about a week later, I found out that I still have a job, but my class load has been cut (by one course). Since I currently teach 3 courses, and one class has been cut for the spring, it basically means I've lost 30% of my income. If I think about this anymore right now, I'll start crying so...there you have it.

- Because of the above bad news, it made no sense to move forward with plans to remodel the kitchen. Instead, we spent a lot less money and hired a painter to finish stripping the wallpaper in the office and paint that room, our bedroom, and strip/prep/paint the hallway and stairway. Now, our entire upstairs is repainted and looks a million times better. I completely love the color of my office! It's a dark, teal green that you normally wouldn't think would look good, but with the white bookshelves, desk, etc., it really works well.

- My brother came for a one-night visit. Then, he met my Mom in a nearby town and they had their own little New England vacation. There was some drama associated with it all since my Mom had no plans to come visit my family, but ultimately I took the high road and whatever...

- Our youth group took a weekend trip to NYC--yay!! It happened the same week when I received papers from two classes--boo! Lesson learned.

- In addition to youth group, both Eliza and Hannah are participating in AWANA at the church every Tuesday night.

- My neck completely spasmed for almost two weeks straight. Between pain meds, steroids, and muscle relaxers, and trying to keep up with grading, I wasn't coherent enough to do much of anything.

- The good news is that Hannah got moved into Honors classes!! So far, we haven't had any problems, and I'm so proud of her. She came home the first day and said, "Mom, it's like the first day of school I never had!" She's doing so much better, thank God.

- The job market in my field absolutely blows. It is abysmal! Approximately 15-18 tenure-track jobs in my field, and many of them at schools that probably wouldn't even look twice at my application. It doesn't look good folks, and I don't know what the alternative is.

That's a fairly good idea of how crazy things have been. I'm hoping to get the rest of my job apps out this week, so that should free up some more time. And then, I'll need a place to vent, because unless something good happens with the job market, some big changes will need to be made.

Happy Birthday Eliza!

2011-10-23T05:39:00.000-07:00

Chalk up my blog absence to an array of things (beginning of the semester, insane grading load, the need to get job apps out, and some travel). Nonetheless, today there's a great reason to get back into the blogging groove: it's Eliza's 5th birthday!!

We had her party yesterday, and it was fantastic because for the first time in more than two years, family was able to join us for the celebration. Hubby's parents flew in for the weekend, and we had a great visit with them. Even though none of the kids in Eliza's daycare class were able to make it (my fault, since I didn't get the invites out more than a week in advance), she enjoyed herself, and I was thankful that we got to share the time with family.

I am so proud to her Mama!! She's smart, beautiful, and imaginative, and I can't believe it's been 5 years!

Middle School

2011-09-07T18:21:00.000-07:00

I'm completely convinced that middle school for most of today's young people is 5 bazillion times worse than it was when I was younger...It is nothing short of pure hell, and I just pray that Hannah survives. I'm realizing now just how innocent, good, and naive she really is. That doesn't mean she's perfect. She tells lies to get out of trouble, she makes bad decisions, and she's often completely disrespectful to Hubby and I. But, in the end, she is a *good* girl. A *good* person, especially outside the walls of our house....especially at school.

She has NEVER misbehaved in a classroom or disrespected a teacher. Never. Ever. And she never would. Moreoever, she's never been in a classroom setting where backtalking the teacher, mouthing off in the back row, and generally being rude and disruptive on a regular basis is how some kids behave. And now, after two years of attending a wonderful school with top-notch standards, best learning/teaching practices, and fantastic facilities and resources, she has now been thrown into the lion's den.

On top of going through the repatriation process, which brings its own specific challenges, she's also going through the difficulties that come with a new school, town, etc. She's hypersensitive AND going through puberty, which means at least 50% of all her reactions to anything end up in a teary meltdown. I'm doing the best I can to be patient, understanding, and helpful to her during this transition. But, frankly, I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't know if the answers I have are even any good. And honestly, I'm going through my own repatriation/new town/new job issues, so part of me just wants to sit down and cry along with her!!

I don't know that I have a point here. I'm just hoping that if I keep getting things down in writing somewhere, I'll feel better, I'll think through things a bit more carefully, and maybe even some answers will magicaly appear. Is that too much to ask?

Still Here

2011-09-05T06:58:00.000-07:00

I'm here...barely.

As usual, lots of stuff happening in our household. My Mom came up for a visit in mid-August, and we had a great time with her. We followed that with a week in Ocean City, N.J., where we rented a beach house like we did last year. This time, Hubby's aunts and their families did the same, so the girls got to spend lots of time with their cousins at the beach. It was a great trip and a perfect way to end the summer. Last weekend, we had the hurricane-related weather, which really just amounted to lots of wind blowing down limbs, leaves, and such all over our yard and sidewalk. We also welcomed a new member of the family into our house last week. Meet Charlie

our new poodle! He's around 4 years old, and we adopted him from a rescue group that transports dogs/cats in the south to their forever homes in New England. We've been promising the girls a dog for the past two year, telling them we would get one as soon as we moved back to the U.S. We knew we wanted a poodle because we'd seen how wonderfully behaved my mother-in-law's standard poodle is. We did not, however, want to buy from a breeder if we could avoid it, because they are just so many dogs that need a loving home. We got very lucky in finding Charlie! He's shy and behaves as if he may have been mistreated at some point. He cowers quite a bit when Hubby approaches him, but he's getting better as he learns that we love him and handle him gently. He's a very well-mannered dog, only barking when he hears someone at the door, and he's great around the kids (meaning he lets them pet him but he's smart enough to run and hide when Amelia chases him). Since I'm the one who drove to Connecticut to pick him up, he has taken to me the most, following me around wherever I go and laying next to me wherever I sit. It breaks my heart to think that some family could give this dog up, much less treat him with anything other than kindness. I pray that we'll have a good long time with our new addition!

Hannah has also started school this past week. It was not the start I was hoping for, though. She faced one part culture shock from being back in the U.S. and one part urban school shock from being at a good-sized middle school in an urban area. It was evidently an R-rated experience, and she witnessed kids being disrespectful to teachers, mouthing off during class, etc. She was unhappily surprised to find the school schedule nothing like what she experienced in Doha, where they followed best practices and allowed students a short morning break and afternoon break between classes (this allows time for students to decompress a bit, regroup, and relax before hitting their next subject). Such a practice is immensely helpful to children like Hannah who have ADHD. Her new school allows only 3 minutes to switch classes and only 15 minutes for lunch. I'm guessing the idea is to keep students out of trouble by limiting their "free" time. Hannah calls it "not trusting students" and she's probably right. That's the really sad part...that they probably *can't* trust their students. It's a completely different student demographic than what she's used to, and she's terrified of getting bullied, called out in front of people, excluded, and a thousand other things.

We've tried to reassure her that things will get better and give her strategies for making sure she's successful in class and in making friends. Overall, though, it seems that middle school is a shark-infested cesspool of delinquency and immaturity. Most of the boys act like morons and most of the girls are catty little bitches. I really am shocked by how bad the school culture has gotten here, and I'm terrified of what it will become my the time my youngest two are in middle school.

I closed last week with a day-surgery to remove an inclusion cyst...lots of fun, I know. It was a delicate procedure that required general anasthesia, so I was sore, groggy, and out of it for most of Friday. Hubby was really great about helping me rest and making sure the girls didn't smother me and cause any undue pain. I tried to take it easy over the weekend, but it turns out that I'm not good at taking it easy. I am feeling better now, though, so it's back to the grindstone.

Hubby and I start classes this Wednesday, and I've finished syllabi for my courses. The job season is officially upon me, and I'm hoping the MLA job list turns up something good. There is a full-time spot open at a very good local university. It's a renewable 3-year contract, teaching first-year writing and literature courses. The bad news is that most of the people who currently hold these positions have PhDs from places like Columbia, Boston College, UC-Berkeley, etc. And these aren't tenure-track spots! I'm going to apply, but I won't hold my breath.

Right now, I'm just trying to get course materials and handouts developed so that I won't have as much prep to do during the semester. Because we're carpooling to campus and I have no campus office, Hubby is graciously letting me stake out some space in his office to work while we're on campus. It's a TINY space and we are not tiny people, so I don't know how well this scenario will work, but it's the only option at this point. I don't work well with distractions and noise, both of which make it hard for me to concentrate if I'm doing anything other than grading. This means that common spaces like the coffee shop aren't good options for me. The library might work in a pinch, but the problem is when I need to be near my books--all of my books--not just one or two.

So, I have no idea how things are going to play out with work space and schedules, but we'll adapt, I'm sure. Work continues on the house, as I try to make progress in my home office/guest room, and I meet with the carpenter this week about renovations to the kitchen. We're finally getting settled in just as new work & school routines kick in. And every week I have college football, which makes me very, very happy!

Happy Fall everyone!

ETA: I have no idea why Blogger keeps adding spaces between paragraphs, but it's really annoying and I'd love to know how to fix it. I've tried editing the post several times with no luck. Ideas?

Knowing Christ: A Question for Praying People

2011-08-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

I have a question for people who would consider themselves practicing Christians. It really doesn't matter which denomination (I don't think). Let's say you have, as part of your regular prayer list, a section for People Who Don't Know Christ. What does this mean, exactly?

I ask because it appears that Hubby and I have landed on this section of someone's prayer list, and we're not sure why. We go to church, we actively look for opportunities to be involved in church and the community, we teach our children about God and prayer, and we genuinely believe in Christ and do our best to live according to basic Christian principles: love people, love God. The person who put us on their list is a relative of mine and knows these things about us, so we're both a bit confused and slightly hurt that this person is under the impression that we don't know Christ. I'm sure the intentions were completely good and that it can't hurt to have someone praying on your behalf.....but what does it mean?

Good Stuff

2011-08-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

I'm sure I'm late to the party here, but I thought I'd give a book recommendation for anyone still doing some late summer reading. My mother strongly urged me to read Stockett's The Help, and after hearing all the hype in print, I decided to check it out. While I can see why it appealed to popular culture, it is not The Great First Book that I had hoped it would be. It's a mediocre book, and the author frequently slips in the language when she writes as a black woman. She gets it right and gets it best when he writes as Skeeter, and I hope Stockett can come to that realization and improve her writing as a result.

Anywho, the writer I stumbled upon and fell in love with is Chris Cleaves. I started with his second novel, Little Bee, which is not at all something I'd normally pick up.
I was suckered in by the back cover, which teased me by not revealing anything other than this was a story of two women from completely different worlds, whose lives became inextricably intertwinged (in a way that was NOT a love story). I won't say anything else except that you should read it. It's moving, relevant, painful, and hopeful all at once. It's great writing and an even better story.

Once I found how much I liked Cleave, I picked up his first book, Incendiary.

Again, not something I would have been interested in, but I'd already developed a trust in Cleave, and he didn't disappoint. The story of a British woman who lost her husband and son in a terrorist attack, it's an epistolary novel full of humour, wit, and a search for sanity in an insane world. I think I'm largely drawn to the writing because it's set in London, and I adore the narrator's voice. How Cleave writes so well in a "female" voice is an altogether different matter worth further discussion and study.

So, if you're looking for good reads, these two are infinitely better than The Help.

Stuff in My Head

2011-07-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

I'm sure nobody really cares, but I have several new posts running around in my head:

- the repatriation process and its challenges
- the new house and ALL the things that need to be done with it
- New England living
- making friends
- getting older
- going on the job market again this year

I'm hoping I'll get time to write more, but next week brings the imperative to finish revisions to my article. The following week brings a day surgery for me and Hannah's return from Home State, where she's been visiting grandparents and her biological dad. The week after that brings my Mom's first visit to our new house--so excited for that! Then, we're head to Ocean City, N.J. for another vacation at the shore, where Hubby's parents have a house and his aunts and cousins are also renting a place for the same week. Then school starts...ZOMG at some point I'm supposed to have two syllabi ready to go. Yeah, so don't know when I'll have the time to do anything again, but I'll try.

A Room of One's Own...Outside the Home

2011-07-22T13:08:00.000-07:00

We've been in our house almost three weeks now, and last week was the first week we started working on our own stuff (article revision for me, HR stuff and office move-in for Hubby). After more than a month of being with the kids, primarily Eliza and Amelia, I was anxious for some quality time with my work. I was excited to return to some sense of normalcy, something that resembles a schedule. The first thought in my head last Monday morning was, "I can't wait to get to the office!" And then it hit me: I don't have an office to go to. Not one on a school campus anyway. For the first time in 10 years of teaching at the university-level, I do not have an official work space of my own .

Even though I had previously always shared an office with one other person (sometimes two), rarely was I ever in the office with an officemate at the same time. I've always treated my job as a regular 9:00-5:00 gig, which isn't terribly common for many graduate students. I've never enjoyed working at home because I'm tempted to do "home things" like fold laundry, clean the kitched, put away dishes, etc. I also don't like the idea of having home/family and work in the same physical space. I function much better at both when I have a separate space of my own in which I can work.

But now, this isn't an option. New England School puts 5-6 visiting lecturers in one large office area for the purpose of meeting with students, etc. I have no idea what this space looks like, or if people are given a desk of their own. Either way, the space is not meant to be a work space for people doing research or writing.

What I have is our fourth bedroom at home, which will serve as my home office. We've bought a futon, mattress, and bedding to use when we have guests, and the room is large enough that neither my work space nor the guest space will feel too cramped if someone is visiting. The guest space aspect is great, but I'm feeling odd and uncomfortable about a home office as my work space. I've never done this before. I almost feel confined and isolated, and it's really unclear how this will work with our plan to carpool together to campus. We're trying to save money on gas, but if my time between classes is the primary time I have to get work done, I don't know how I'll do it on campus. Hubby and I have already planned on sharing his campus office to some extent, but again, I don't know how well that will work either. We both have very different work habits (for example, he listens to music, while I need silence to concentrate).

There's just so much uncertainty about how this will work out, and I don't do well with uncertainty. Does anyone? The best I can do for now is get started on rennovating the room. Just like all the other rooms in the house (except the kitchen), it has awful wallpaper (though I've almost gotten it all stripped down). Once I finish stripping the first layer, I'll take off the second layer, prep, tape, and primer the walls, then paint. I'm thinking of going with this color:

It's a Pantone color called Emberglow...What do you think? It's warm with some punch, but not overbearing or off-putting. I dont' think I'd paint all four walls with it, though...maybe just two? I bought two new, 5-shelf bookshelves, both of which are already full, and my desk is on its way now. I'm going to do my best to enjoy the space, but I already miss not having a professional space on campus, where I can feel more connected to the department. I know plenty of people do this all the time, but this is my first time, and it's going to take some getting used to.

New England Town

2011-07-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

We're here! We moved in July 8th, and we've been unpacking boxes, buying new stuff for the house, and getting estimates on plumbing, electrical, and carprentry work. I've already got my new state driver's license, and Eliza and I both have library cards for the public library (she's plowed through the 10 books we took out this past Monday). The move-in had a small hitch, with the movers first being unable to get the headboard for our new bed up the stairs. The next morning, the furniture company sent a new crew, who got it in through the window on the second floor. Unfortunately, once they set up the bed, I noticed where the first movers put two sizeable dents and scratches in the footboard. Another call to the furniture company and two days later, we had a new footboard. Seriously, this is THE most comfortable mattress I've ever slept on! So comfortable that many nights, I go to sleep and don't wake up until it's actually morning! I don't remember the last time that happened.

We've had a few surprises with the electrical work. The original plan was for my brother-in-law, who is an electrician, to drive up and replace the knob and tube wiring in the attic and basement. He's working 7 days a week right now, so that's not going to be an option anytime soon, but if we want to keep the same insurance company, we have to make the repairs in the next few weeks. We ultimately decided to solve the problem by simply changing insurance companies, especially once we found out that knob and tube wiring is really common in the old houses here and that there's no fire danger. Eventually, if we decide to stay long term that is, we'll get it replaced.

Not one, two, or three, but FOUR window A/C units later, our house is comfortably cool. More expensive than what I'd budgeted, but since we're not buying anymore living room furniture, we were able to cover it just fine. I was also able to get a new, stainless steel Frigidaire Professional refrigerator on sale for $999 (regularly $1,599). Under budget there as well, so I went ahead and splurged on this new stainless steel Weber grill!
It's so beautiful! I've never had a nice grill before, and I can't wait to start cooking on it because the weather here is beyond amazing in the summertime. Seriously, the other day it never got above 90 degrees. A gentle shower in the morning cools it off for the rest of the day, and I could sit outside forever.

We've started working on the Wallpaper Nightmare that exists in every room of the house except the kitchen. We're taking out of the little girls' room first and hoping that the job won't take too long now that we have a good solution that you roll onto the walls. I'm also in Contact Paper Hell, with the ugly, dirty stuff all over the kitchen cabinets and drawers. I'm almost finished ripping it all up, but gawd it's been a tedious chore.

I forgot how much work it is to own a home...I also forgot how much of a joy it is! How much pleasure I take in knowing that it's ours and we can do whatever we want to with it. Knowing that we're going to take care of our new home and make it beautiful fills me with such an immense happiness. Of course, so does the fact that I can get a bottle of wine at the store anytime I like :) We stll have a lot of work to do, but it doesn't have to be done overnight. Right now, I'm looking forward to getting back into some sort of routine that allows me to get some work done, as I still have an article due August 15th and two course syllabi to prepare. No rest for the weary, right?

Updates: The Short Version

2011-06-30T11:53:00.001-07:00

The hitch was unhitched, and we closed today! Hubby is in New England Town and just finished closing...we're officially homeowners!

This is a huge relief for me, especially, because I've been going back and forth with the underwriter for more than a week, running and jumping, scanning and e-mailing all sorts of documents every time she called. I've had the two little ones on my own at my in-laws home, while trying to get through jet lag, no routine for the kids, and way too much stuff to do.

While there, however, we had some quality time with family at the shore and at a river-side beach resort, where Hubby's aunt served up some fresh Maryland steamed crabs drenched with Old Bay--ZOMG they were so delicious! Eliza got to play with her cousins, and she couldn't get enough. She literally followed her older cousin around everywhere she went. Hubby and hid dad successfully got All The Things We Left Behind moved into storage in New England Town (NET), and made it back safely. The girls were very happy to see their Daddy again, and so was I. Once he got back, I was finally able to have a tiny bit of time to myself (pedicure+hair appointment=one happy AcadeMama).

The drive from Hubby's hometown to NET wasn't bad at all, but living out of a suitcase has defnitely gotten old. Staying in hotel rooms for many nights with a 4-year old and 2-year old has gotten even older! They're like stir-crazed, caged animals...playing with the phone, the radio, the remote, and everything else they can get their hands on. Not listening to either of us and generally running amuck despite all our efforts to keep them occupied.

Luckily, we leave for Disney tomorrow. Hubby and the littles fly out from Big New England Town, and Hannah and I fly out of Home State, with all of us meeting in Orlando. It's beyond wonderful that we'll get to go with the home closing out of the way. I firmly plan on enjoying every second of our time there!

All in all, everything has thus far worked out someway or another. We're all set with movers scheduled to move everything in the day after we get back from Disney, and then we'll have some serious unpacking, settling in, and decorating to do!

A Hitch in the Housing Process

2011-06-13T23:35:00.000-07:00

After endless documents requested, sent, signed, etc., I woke up to find an e-mail from our mortgage lender indicating that my employment letter from New England School is not sufficient for the underwriters. Even though it clearly indicates that I'm employed for the next year and provides my salary amount, the underwriters don't see it as a guarantee of employment. Instead, they want a contract, like what Hubby has. Well, guess what? Hubby is tenure-track faculty, so he gets a contract in the spring. Me? Not so much.

When I visited NES in April, the person I spoke with in HR explained that the contracts for Visiting Lecturers don't usually go out until late-July or early-August (typical for academia). However, the lender asked me to "reach out" to my boss and ask if I could get my contract earlier than this. I explained that I would try, but that I very much doubt she'll have any authority over when HR can issue contracts.

Can I just say how humiliating this all feels? I'm stuck in a helpless position, having to hope, beg, and plead with an employer who, as of yet, has no relationship with me at all. They don't know me, and they have no obligation to care whether or not my family has a home to live in. But, it's really completely in their hands. I get the distinct impression from our lender that, if I can't come up with a contract, we will not get this house.

Adding to this utterly depressing and frustrating development is the time zone factor. That is, since we're 7 hours ahead of EST, I wake up to this e-mail and then sit and wait for 7 hours before I can even put in a phone call to NES and see where they stand on the whole contract issue. An. Agonizing. Seven. Hours. During which time, all I want to do is cry.

Really? I could be fucking homeless for the entire summer? This is what I have to look forward to? My nerves are shot and now, so is my spirit.

It Has Begun

2011-06-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

The anxiety, that is. General stress over the move and all the related logistics has been with me for the past two months,but the all-out can't sleep, can't stop moving, feel like I'm going to puke anxiety has hit with full force today. Do you know what our travel/moving schedule looks like? Let me break it down for you:

this Thursday (6/16): Mover come to load up all our things for repatriation. (And we are not allowed to pack anything ourselves, which simply adds to my anxiety).

Friday (6/17): Wake-up call around 2:45 a.m. to get showered, get kids up, and get everyone ready, out the door, all luggage loaded (5 large bags, 2 car seats, 1 pack-n-play), and to the airport for a 6:00 a.m. check-in. Then, we fly for 14 hours, layover in D.C. for a little while, then fly to Boston, where we crash at the Boston-Logan Hilton.

Saturday (6/18): Pick up rental car, drive to New England Town, let everyone explore the new home, shop for appliances, enjoy local seafood, and crash when we all hit "the wall" around 7:00 p.m. (if not earlier).

Sunday (6/19): I fly to Philly with Eliza and Amelia, while Hubby and Hannah fly to my Home State. Along the way, Hubby will connect with his Dad, who is also flying to my Home State. After a very short night of rest, they will hit the road in our minivan and the minivan we're buying from my mom and head to College Town (6-hour drive). By 1:00 p.m., they'll meet the movers at our storage unit and load up All The Things We Left Behind (ATTWLB). Then, they'll make the 39-hour(!!) drive to New England Town.

Thursday (6/23): Hubby meets New England Town movers to load ATTWLB into a storage unit and put one of the minivans into a storage unit. They'll both then fly to Philly and re-join the little ones and I.

We wait....

Wednesday (6/29): We head back to New England Town, and I'll catch a flight out to Home State.

Thursday (6/30): Hubby will hopefully close on the house with the two little ones in tow.

Friday (7/01): Hubby and the littles will fly to FL from New England, while Hannah and I fly to Florida from Home State. We'll all convene at the Orlando airport, where we'll finally be whisked away by Mickey Mouse himself and taken to our luxury resort, DisneyWorld's Beach Club Resort.

For one week, we'll enjoy three parks (Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, Animal Kingdom), club-level concierge service, and the best pool the Disney park has to offer. This is our reward, our present to our family for working hard, living somewhat frugally over the past two years, and simply surviving Doha. Who know when we'll have the money to do this again, so this is it! At some point, I'm sure I'll be excited.

Thursday (7/07): Hubby and the littles fly back to New England, while I fly Hannah back to Home State, wait at the airport a couple hours, then fly back to New England and drive to the hotel where Hubby is.

Friday (7/08): Please, for the love of God, this should be our moving day! The shipment from Doha will be delivered, the movers will bring our stuff from storage, the furniture stores (yes, plural) will bring our bedroom suite and living room suite, and Lowes will bring our new refrigerator (and possibly some window A/C units).

Now do you see why I'm literally worrying myself sick? Can you imagine the 5,632,218 things that can go wrong in these plans? I can! And that's why I'm freaking out! I have only a limited number of the anti-anxiety meds that my doctor prescribed for me last fall. I've been exercising to help work off some stress and try to help get more restful sleep. Unfortunately, I'm still overwhelmed. I feel like there's too much to do and not enough time to do it. I'm afraid I'll forget something important or that air travel will get screwed up, or worst thing ever....something falls through with the house at the last minute and we're left freaking homeless!!

I could desperately use some prayers for zen, peace, and calm if you have some to spare.

Reflections

2011-05-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

I finished revisions on my essay for the edited collection last week, so half of my research/writing-related goals for the summer are accomplished. I feel really proud of this piece not only because it constitutes the first academic writing of mine to be published, but also because I began the project on my own. That is, it's been entirely self-driven rather than being directed by my advisor or other mentors. My interest was peaked, I saw an opening for exploring the subject, I did the research and the writing, and I completed the work before I ever sent it to my advisor for feedback. This, in itself, is an accomplishment for me, because I'm very insecure about my academic work. In fact, I was almost in tears with the editors read my final essay and responded that they thought it was "groundbreaking." Really?! "Groundbreaking." I almost wanted to ask if they were reading the right essay. Honestly, I don't think the essay is groundbreaking. Or, if it is, I certainly can't articulate why or how. But my reaction to their response is what's most telling.

Friends, I'm a Praise-Seeker. There, I said it.

I'm not a Praise-Seeker in the sense that I want everyone to tell me I'm wonderful and a genius and my work is brilliant. No, not that kind. Rather, I'm of the praise-seeking sort that, unless someone says something positive about my work, I will most likely think it's crap. I *need* someone else--preferably someone smarter, older, wiser, and much more senior--to tell me my work is good, worth doing, or contributing something original to the field in order to fell somewhat confident about the work I do. I'm quite certain that this is a horrible fault to have, especially in academia. My advisor explained clearly while I was dissertating that, if one seeks external reward or reinforcement to prove that one's work is worthy, then that person will most often be disappointed. I have tried my best to keep this in mind, primarily by making myself think about the value of my work to the field as I develop it. That is, constantly reminded myself to make it clear in my writing why X topic is worth studying, exploring, etc.

And now I move on to the next project, revising an article for publication in a good journal in my field. I chose not to follow the advice of my advisor, a committee member, and several other colleagues, each of whom recommended that I try for a top-tier journal and then work my way down if it didn't get accepted. Since I was on the job market last year, it was more important that I just get something accepted in a reputable, peer-reviewed journal. And, I did! Is it the Best Journal in the Field? No. Is it respectable, well-known, and credible? Absolutely! And the editor, who I got to meet at this year's ASECS, is very lovely, also well-known, and good friends with my advisor. So, there are connections formed that could turn out to be important in the future.

This second essay has also helped demonstrate to me (especially from the reader reports) that other scholars are interested in my book project. Generally speaking, they think the topic timely, the theoretical framework original, and the research solidly done. This bodes well for revising my dissertation into a book, and it just so happens that the publisher for the edited collection is also the same publisher for which I think my book would be a good "fit." I have a plan for the revisions, which I hope to complete over the next academic year, and I have an editor contact in the publishing company.

All good things on the work front...Now I just have to decide, between now and October, if I want to do a full run at the job market (full run meaning a national job search, as opposed to looking only in the New England area where we'll live). I fear that decision will be difficult to say the least.

No Answer

2011-05-24T23:17:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to check my FB and find the news that a tornado hit my hometown yesterday evening. I can't get in touch with my mom and dad, power is out over most of the town, and I don't have anyone in the area who can go check on them. After talking with someone at the fire department, it's likely that they're okay. Though it swept across their side of town, most of the damage is located about 1/2 a mile south of their home. I'd just feel a lot better if I could just hear my mom's voice.

My prayers are with those friends I still have in the area whose home and businesses have been damaged, and I pray that there are no fatalities.

**Update: my parents made it through okay. I can't say the same for too many other parts of town.

Furnishing a New House

2011-05-12T04:27:00.000-07:00

When we relocated to the Middle East, we got rid of several "big-ticket" items: living room furniture, bedroom furniture, television, etc. That is, normally these would be big-ticket items, but since I bought them before and during graduate school, none of them cost terribly much (i.e. my living room sofa, loveseat, and chair were $1,500 total). We planned to save our money here to purchase new home furnishings when we returned to the U.S. in part because it made more sense (the furniture and bed were getting old and worn) and because we felt like it would be a nice sense of accomplishment to work hard for our money, save it for nice things, and be able to own items we could enjoy for many years (as opposed to buying something that will just get by for a while).

Now that we've done the hard work and savings, I'm finding myself a bit distracted by the planning for home furnishings (a.k.a. browsing and shopping)! We've already selected a lovely bedroom suit with mattress and boxspring set, and this is the living room suit we've chosen:

I love the neutral palate with just a touch of paisley, and since there's only a small amount of blue in the pillows, I can pull it out by painting the living room a similar shade (it's sort of an antique silvery-blue). We did keep our coffee tables, but we really have little in the way of decor. And now that we'll be in a house with hardwood floors, we'll need to get some rugs. Luckily, the living room suit came in under budget, so there's still some room there.

I should really be working on revision to this essay nonstop, but I can't help wanting to look at the pretty things I can put in my new home! Ugh..so materialistic and shallow, I'm sure. But finally, we can afford to do this. We worked hard for this, don't we have a right to finally enjoy some fruits from our labors? I've never had matching bedroom furniture before, and isn't that something you get to have when you're all grown up?

Okay, back to work....seriously.

RBoG (Random Bullets of Giddiness)

2011-05-10T01:53:00.001-07:00

- Now that I have the news from the Assoc. Dean at NES that I'll have three courses for the fall, and two of them are the Women Writers to 1900 course, which I've never taught, I can't stop thinking about all the wonderful possibilities for the course! I'm actually giddy with delight in thinking about which anthology to use, which supplements to include...Should I focus on British women writers because that's really who I'm most interested in? What kind of assignments would work well and are appropriate for this 300-level class? And, how can I make it the Best. Fucking. Women's Writer's Course. Ever!?

- Everything is connected. Getting the third course pretty much gives us the green light on the house, as well as a decent monthly budget. In turn, this means that we can proceed with buying things like furniture, bedding, a bed for our oldest daughter, dishes...you know, things that people kinda need to have when they move into a new house. While in NET (New England Town), I went ahead and picked out a bedroom suit that Hubby and I had agreed upon previously, as well as a mattress/boxspring set. I put down a 20% deposit, and that ensures they'll have it in stock and ready to deliver the day we move in--yay! I also picked out living room furniture, of which Hubby approved, and all I have to do is call to place the order to get it in stock and ready for delivery as well. I'm holding off on dishes because the ones I really, really want
(aren't they gorgeous?)

are almost double what I budgeted. I'll wait and see how all the other expenses turn out--especially the inevitable unexpected ones--before I buy anything. We will, however, need to buy a refrigerator ASAP since the house doesn't come with one. I have one in mind, and we don't have many options because of height issues, but again, I'll wait until we get on the ground before doing the buying.

- The Assoc. Dean was happy to submit a verification of employment to our mortgage lender, and he just passed along the good news that he was able to lock us in at a 4.5% rate for the loan, which is fantastic! Given that the closing costs are approx. $3,400, and we've already put $3,000 down in escrow, the money we'll need for pre-pays and escrow is very reasonable. We're not required to put down anything on the house since we're using the VA loan benefit, thank God!

- The only thing I'm not so giddy about is health insurance. Since we'll technically be unemployed for July and August (our contracts don't begin until September), we'll have no insurance unless we: a) pay for COBRA at over $900/month, b)apply for MassHealth, the state-subsidized Medicaid program that we may or may not qualify for, or c)buy short-term health insurance, which really isn't an option because they don't cover pre-existing conditions and two of us have them. That takes us back to option A: COBRA. In addition, NES has a probationary period of 60 days before employees are covered. This means we'll have to purchase coverage through COBRA for 4 months at more than $900/month. Don't know how we're going to do it just yet, but it has to happen. Right now, we're just saving everything we can, trying to live frugally over here (a difficult feat in Doha), and plan for all the relocation expenses we can foresee.

Many of these things--the good stuff and the bad--have been keeping me from getting any sort of sleep. I don't remember the last time I went to bed before 11:00 p.m. Staying up that late is very rare for me, so most of the time I'm exhausted in the mornings and trying to talk myself out of napping the rest of the day. I don't want to make a habit of taking sleeping pills, but the anti-anxiety meds my U.S. doctor prescribed haven't been helping lately. Not sure if there's anything to do other than just ride it out for the next five weeks.

Finally...I can breathe

2011-05-09T12:26:00.000-07:00

I should have been listening to this for the past six days. Or better, I should have sent the e-mail to the Associate Dean to the correct e-mail address! I just got spoke to her, and she's confirmed that they've worked out a three-course schedule for me in the fall AND that she's happy to write an employment verification letter this afternoon and fax it in to our mortgage lender. For the first time in weeks, I feel like everything's gonna be okay.* Some serious Marley shall be added to my iPod tomorrow.

*And that's saying a lot, considering I got into my first fender bender in Doha today, two days before we are scheduled to pass it along to the buyer!

The "Interview"

2011-05-07T06:21:00.000-07:00

As I hinted in my last post, my "interview" with New England School (NES) was a fiasco. I went there on word from the Dean that I was "already on the schedule for the fall" and "teaching three classes." I arrived to meet first with the English department chair, who apparently had no idea that the Dean--his own wife--had made such a claim! Before this clusterfuck was realized, however, he proceeded to tell me the one decent piece of information that came out of the whole day. Basically, while the previous unwritten policy was that Visiting Lecturers taught nothing but composition and introductory literature courses, he has instituted the practice of "using the untapped resources" that are the PhDs who are working as lecturers to teach whatever class(es) need to be filled. Generally these are not 400-level courses, but 300-level courses are entirely possible. Unfortunately for me, between the retired professor who still teaches the Rest/18th c. in the department and the new hire they made in the same field, my chances of teaching a Rest/18th c. class are pretty much -0-.

The department chair was neither warm nor welcoming. He freely admitted that there were plenty of lecturers that he wouldn't even know if he passed them in the hall. He explained that NES doesn't "do" spousal hires, and that even if the most tenured member of the department came to the Dean and said "if my wife doesn't get a full-time placement I'm leaving," he'd be told "See ya later!" When I asked if the school had a faculty retention officer, he asked me what that was. And finally, he went on at length about how there has only been ONE lecturer to ever transition into a tenure-track job within the department, and that was only due to the fact that their first two candidates declined the job and the union stipulations required that his application be given preferential consideration. Sounds like a great place to work, huh?

I felt all the optimism I'd walked in with fall to the ground as he walked me over to meet the Associate Dean, who is in charge of all part-time faculty. After sitting down, she quickly asked if the chair had already told me that there were no sections for me this fall. What?! The?! Fuck?! "Um, no, actually he didn't," I replied, trying to hide the bewildered look on my face. That's when I started to get worried. Basically, the Dean hadn't told anyone except my husband that I'd be teaching in the fall, so not only was I not on the schedule for the fall, they explained that they'd have to work hard just to see if they could create three new sections of something for me to teach. I struggled not to break into tears as I explained to the Associate Dean, who actually was friendly, warm, and seemingly enthusiastic about me joining their faculty, that we had just put in an offer on a house and we only did so because I had been told I had a job for the fall. She said she couldn't promise me anything, but that they'd do everything they could to get me three sections for the fall. She had the chair walk me over to HR to get started on paperwork despite having no assignment.....and guess how happy they were to help me? Yeah, it didn't exactly fly. So, the department chair left me sitting in HR signing paperwork, while he went off to "scold the Dean." WTF??

I have never felt so humiliated in my adult life, so completely caught off guard and vulnerable. I've never felt so hopeless about a potential job either. This week, I got my course assignment for the fall, and the good news was that I'd been assigned Women's Writing to 1900 (excellent for my CV). The bad news was that I only had two classes! The e-mail also contained my assignment for the spring, which does have three courses, but for now, we could very well be completely fucked in terms of our mortgage loan for the house without that third course. So, I sent a very appreciative and thankful reply to the chair, expressing how happy I was to have this assignment and asking if there was any possibility of a third course being added. I mentioned that I am also qualified to teach the intro to women's studies course (which is offered as an interdisciplinary studies section), I offered to teach at the off-campus location, and I told him I was willing to take on another evening class (one of my classes is already in the evening). I even explained that I would be happy to take on any administrative opportunities that might be assigned in lieu of a course (i.e. Writing Programs Office). In short, I said I'd do anything, and I explained why (the situation with our new home purchase, which we wouldn't be in if I hadn't been told I could expect three courses). Again, I was very careful in my tone, and I closed with the acknowledgment that there may not be anything further he could do. I got a response that was basically along the lines of, "we're trying our best, but it's very difficult this late in the game...in fact one of your courses may be reclaimed by a full-time faculty member...I'll be in touch."

I'm doing my very best to not be negative and to focus on the fact that we'll be within driving distance to an OMG ridiculous number of schools with whom I could find employment. Not only or primarily community colleges either, we're talking really good, small, private colleges and research universities. It might take some time, but I'm willing to wait if Hubby is happy with his position and our family is happy in our new town. I know I have no reason to whine or complain given that there are so many PhDs who have been contingent faculty for years on end. So, I won't...at least not much and not right now. Right now, I just need the Assoc. Dean to reply to my e-mail requesting a letter to verify my employment. The mortgage lender has said that it would help to have it sooner rather than later (i.e. when the paperwork gets to underwriting), and I haven't gotten any reply since I sent the mail on Wednesday. I'm chalking it up to end-of-the-semester business and that she may be holding out to see if she can get that third class on my schedule.

It's all just utterly disheartening. There's no doubt I'll be going back on the market again this fall, though I'll focus primarily on our new area. None of it makes any sense...Hubby and I have the same credentials, we both have extensive teaching experience and research awards. I have two publications forthcoming and a dozen conferences. But only one of us will have full-time employment come the fall. It's nothing short of a fucking lottery at this point folks.

A Whole Bunch of Stuff

2011-04-24T12:54:00.000-07:00

Individual follow-up posts on some of these will probably come later, but for now there's too much venting and not enough time. I've been in New England Town since Wednesday, and I have accomplished the following:

1 - looked at many houses
2 - selected a house
3 - put in an offer on a house, countered a counter-offer on said house, and accepted final terms for our offer to buy the house
4 - selected beautiful living room furniture and a bedroom set for the new house (all under budget!)
5 - met the neighbors (who are delightful and with whom we share some strangely coincidental things)
6 - took a day trip to Providence, R.I. with my Mom, because one day was all about her and what she wanted to do
7 - eaten vast amounts of clams, mussels, and a whole lobster...YUMMMY!
8 - celebrated Easter at the local Methodist church, a blessing in so many ways
9 - determined a daycare for the little ones to start in the fall
10 - started the mortgage loan process for the new house--PLEASE PRAY that this proceeds with success!

Unfortunately, the trip has not been without its disappointment, namely New England School, or to be more precise, the English department chair of NES (New England School), who apparently knew nothing of the assurance that I'd already been given three courses for the fall. Yeah, that was a fantastic fucking meeting, let me tell ya. More on this little dandy later, for now, I just wanted to say: HOORAY--I found a house!!

What's it like, you ask? It's a 1,687 square foot Colonial with 4 bedrooms, 1.5 baths, hardwood floors in the kitchen, bedrooms, and dining room, the cutest little reading nook in the living room, a built-in corner hutch in the dining room, an above-ground pool, a finished basement, and a fenced-in backyard.....all sitting on a quiet street in a quiet neighborhood. Wanna see?

You cannot possibly imagine how much I love this house! If you could imagine, then you could also imagine how tragic it would be if the mortgage loan did not go through successfully. More likely than not, everything will be fine. We have the majority of the documents the bank wants at this point, but I won't have an offer letter until they actually CREATE three new courses to put on the schedule for me. Yes, they have to add three sections in order to fulfill the offer the Dean made to me, the offer which evidently never went through the Associate Dean or the English department chair. As long as I have this document fairly soon, we should be fine on the mortgage. My unease and anxiety comes from the fear that something will pop up out of the blue once everything gets to underwriting, and my dream will come to a crashing halt. From now until June 1st (our closing date), it will be hard to sleep, think, concentrate, or do anything other than worry about whether or not this will really be our new home when we move back in June.

So people, if you're the praying kind, I could use a few. If you're the meditating kind, please say some "ohms" for us. And if you fall into some other category, just send some good mortgage loan vibes this way. I'd really love to bring my family home to this beautiful place.

A New Job & Unchartered Territory

2011-04-10T00:41:00.000-07:00

The good news is that I will have employment with New England School in the fall! The bad news is that it's only part-time. My official title will be Visiting Lecturer of English, and I'll teach 3 courses per semester with opportunities for summer teaching. I have no idea what courses I'll teach, but I'm prepared for the worst: 3 comp classes (probably at 8:00 a.m.). Let me first say that I'm enormously thankful that I have this job. It's always a nice thing to be employed. It especially helps when one is also trying to get a mortgage loan. This position, however, is unchartered territory for me. I have lots of questions about how I will/won't fit in...Will tenure-track faculty sneer and point at me in the halls? Or, will they simply ignore my existence? Will there be back-stabbing battles to get the best time slots? Will I have to sell my soul to teach a literature course? Most importantly, will I have any opportunity to demonstrate my value as a teacher and scholar to the department? I know that in order to convince them to offer me a full-time or tenure-track position, I'll need to be great in the classroom, try to maintain a research agenda, and be as active as possible within the department community. But, what if that's not enough? I have lots of anxiety about this new position and my overall "fit" in the department, and I have nothing to go on in terms of how to address some of the questions and fears I have. I'm scheduled to meet with the Dean of Humanities when I visit next week, and I'm hoping that she might put some of my worries at ease, while also answering some of the many questions I have about schools, daycares, etc. In the meantime, I have a list of properties to view (including a couple of rentals), an article to revise, and final projects to grade. Too bad that's not enough to keep me from worrying about the future.

Things That Suck (and things that don't)

2011-04-03T06:07:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't be bitching, but some things just suck. Like:

getting into a nasty argument with Hubby the night before he leaves to take H back to the U.S. for spring break

having strep throat and a double ear infection while being the only parent on duty

not knowing which town to live in in New England State (there are 2-3 smallish towns near the town where Hubby's university is located)

not knowing which neighborhood would be best for us (both fit-wise and in terms of what can afford). Although, this website, which provides info on schools, crime, and housing values has been a great help!

not yet knowing exactly how much house we can afford to buy (a bit complicated since we're going through the VA home loan process)

the possibility that we'll lose a good deal of money on the minivan we bought in Doha simply b/c there will come a point when we *have* to sell it, even if it's not at our asking price (or anywhere near the fair asking price)

making new friends all over again

trying to figure out the logistics for landing in New England State, shopping for and getting new furniture into the house so that we have a place to sleep and sit, and unpacking our things while Hubby flies back to College Town, loads up the moving van and drives all the way back to New State, while also having the 2-yr old and 4-yr old running around. You see, we have stuff from Doha (mainly clothes, crib, and kitchen gear) that will come to New State a few days after we land. We also have all the rest of our stuff in a storage unit in College Town. And then there's the stuff that needs to be purchase upon arrival: living room set and bedroom set, just to start.

trying to remember what we sold in the garage sale before we moved and, thus, what we'll need to replace

the complete uncertainty of what I'll be doing in terms of a job next year

Lest I seem ungrateful, I'll stop here. I'll go further and balance it with things that don't suck.

all my children are healthy

we got approved for a VA home loan!! (up to $36K towards the down payment and limited closing costs, among other benefits)

in turn, this increases the amount we can afford to pay for a new house

we have tickets home!! Yes, the last one-way tickets from Doha to the U.S. that I'll ever have to purchase

my mom is meeting me in New England Town and looking at the homes & towns that are on our list of possibilities. Her advice and input will be helpful, and we'll have some quality time together without children, something we haven't had in a very long time.

Frankly, there aren't enough notepads in the world for me to write down all the lists of things to do, check out, price, keep track of, etc. I have a million decisions to make, and I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get them all right. Many of them can't be made until I'm on the ground and seeing things for myself, but that, unfortunately, doesn't stop me from worrying about them in the meantime.

ASECS 2011: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

2011-03-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

The annual meeting of the American Society of Eighteenth-Century Studies was held in Vancouver this year, and I made the very, very long trek across the world to attend and present at a roundtable. This is *the* premiere conference in my field and a good chance to see and be seen by the People that Matter in the profession. In rare occasion, my former advisor was also attending, and I hadn't seen her since my defense last April. I got very lucky early on because I was able to upgrade my economy seat on the international flight to business class--yay! So, champagne, cappuccinos, and cheese plates for me :) Easy flight over, 3-hour layover in Houston, then a 5-hour flight to Vancouver. By the time I got there, my neck hurt to the touch from sitting in the same position for so long.

Thursday morning, it was on. That is to say that this is the first conference where I've been "on"--busy chatting, having coffee, attending panels, meeting people, networking, etc.--from the time I hit the lobby until the time I hit the bed. I did a bit of shopping to get some Easter stuff for the girls and a bottle of wine for my hotel room. Then I hit the conference panels. The first panel I went to was one closely related to my dissertation area, and one of the panelists was the editor of the journal to which I'd submitted my first article in mid-October. I went with the hope that I might introduce myself afterward, and it would jog her memory that I was still waiting for an accept or reject decision from the journal. No go, as the panel ran over time. Then, I ran into my advisor early on, and we chatted for a while...very good to catch up with her. Turns out, she's friends with Journal Editor and she was her external tenure review person (small world people). So, we loitered about for a bit, and sure enough, Journal Editor appeared. My advisor introduced us, we exchanged hellos, and she announced that she had to run and tend to a family phone call.

Upon her return, she told me she'd made a call to her assistant editor and was able to give me The Good News: ACCEPTED!! Yes, indeed, I now have two publications forthcoming --woohoo! I was giddy, my advisor was proud, and I got to spend a good deal of time talking to the editor about her work, which was instrumental in my dissertation, and the general state of the job market, etc. I also got to meet several other important people in the field while we "held court" in the center of the lobby. As nervous as I was, I was also ecstatic.

That evening, my advisor, two other graduate student colleagues, and myself had a lovely tapas dinner to celebrate my good news and catch up with each other's lives and work. And I went to bed that evening completely exhausted. Not that this mattered, because my presentation was at 8:00 the next morning--ugh!

Presentation went fine, but my neck pain was still lingering. I'd been treating it with Aleve, hoping it would go away. It didn't. Since the doctor's offices were closed, I was advised to just go to the ER across the street from the hotel. Long story short, they examined me, realized my pain was legitimate, etc. The Bad News: they gave me an extremely painful shot of steroids and a shot of morphine! I immediately burst into tears after the first shot (seriously the most painful shot I've ever gotten, and I've had 3 epidurals!), then the morphine kicked in, and I got dizzy, nauseas, sweaty, and my heart was racing. I'd never had morhpine before, and it wasn't sitting well with me. Oh, and by the way, I was supposed to meet with the editors of the essay collection where my first publication was accepted in like 30 minutes! Soon, I settled back down to something like a loopy version of myself, got my prescriptions, and headed to the meeting, not realizing I had a spot of blood on my shirt and I was still wearing a hospital band on my wrist!!

For the next 20 minutes or so, I was fine...just a bit dazed. But, I managed to keep it together. By the time some colleagues and I went upstairs to the Delaware Press cash bar, where I simply drank ice water, I could feel my tumbly getting rumbly. I barely had time for The Ugly: making it to the ladies room, where I could only open and close the door before I spewed everywhere. Classy, I know.

Being optimistic, I thought this would pass. I immediately felt better, and we were off to a fancy restaurant in downtown Vancouver. Shortly after the five of us ordered the pricey Chef's Tasting Menu, I had to hit the ladies room again, though this time I made it to the toilet. This eating/vomiting cycle continued approximately three times throughout dinner. Each time, I'd feel better and think it was the last time, and each time, I'd be wrong. I didn't want to ruin everyone else's night, and they wouldn't think of letting me go back to the hotel alone. So, I just prayed for it to be over with soon.

After dinner, which managed to still be fantastic despite the vomiting after every other course, I took a cab to a pharmacy, filled my prescriptions, and nursed my upset tummy in the hotel room. The next day was my day to head back to Doha, and almost nothing went as planned. Let's just say that (almost) everything that could wrong, did go wrong. I stopped counting the number of hours I'd travelled, and I eventually got home around 1:00 a.m. Monday. I slept until 11:00 a.m., while Hubby cancelled my classes and took over with the kids. It took another day to fully recover, and I've come to the conclusion that my days of frequent international travel need to end soon. I just don't have it in me anymore.

Funny enough, I'm already booked to fly back to the U.S. on April 19th to go look at houses in New England State. Not to worry, I've already upgraded to business on both flights! Thank you Qatar Airways Privilege Club!

Nothing to Bitch About

2011-03-15T06:10:00.000-07:00

While we still haven't heard any word back from New England School (NES), where Hubby has verbally accepted a tenure-track job in his field, I am not complaining. I did find out yesterday that campus visits have been scheduled for the tenure-track position in my field at the same school, so the chances aren't great that they'll suddenly throw me in the mix for that one.

However, last Friday I received a request for additional materials from a school in Awesome Nearby Town (think chowder). The position I applied for wasn't tenure-track, but a Lecturer of Writing position, and the school's Writing Program is wicked intense. I've never seen one so extensive! They have requirements at the freshman and junior-level, and the courses cover several disciplines. The school actually has two spots open, so I'm cautiously hopeful at this point. The thing is, this would be a ridiculously amazing town to live near! And, even though it's only a lecturer position, it would be a fantastic university affiliation to have. Based on what I've seen on their web page, they don't use part-time lecturers or adjuncts. Rather, it looks like, because there are lots of people who are attracted to the area, the school is able to get very well-qualified PhDs (most of whom do not have rhet/comp backgrounds) to fill the lecturer spots, and these positions are renewed as long as the person is doing a good job.

Although I was disappointed to hear about the tenure-track job at Hubby's school falling away as an option, I'm not complaining. We're moving to a great area, where there are probably more schools per square inch of state than anywhere I can imagine. I'm also trying to take a piece of advice from this , which makes a good point about the importance of giving up things other than food (or Facebook, chocolate, coffee, etc.) for Lent. It seems like giving up complaining, bitterness, judgment, and worry would make for much more meaningful sacrifices. I also found the timing of my reading this piece more than coincidental.

You see, by the time Hubby went for his interview in New England Town (NET), I'd given up praying that he'd "get the job." That doesn't mean I didn't pray...I did. I prayed for him to do well, be his best, most confident self during his campus visit. But I didn't pray that he'd get the job. Instead, I gave it all up to God. Really and truly, I just stopped worrying about it and instead found solace in knowing that He has everything under control. I don't know what the future holds for us (not everything anyway), but I know that worrying about every possibility isn't getting me anywhere. It was shortly after this when Hubby got the news about the job. Coincidence? Who knows. All I know is that I have nothing to complain about. I have healthy kids, a new adventure ahead of me, and we're going to DisneyWorld in July! We've secured a real estate agent to help us find a home in our new area, and we've already been pre-qualified for a mortgage (both of these things are good to have in the pocket). Everything else will work out somehow...

AcadeMama is Coming Home!!

2011-03-07T01:28:00.001-08:00

HUBBY GOT THE JOB!! Yes this one, where he interviewed just one week ago. The area needs a name....it shall be New England Town (NET). That's right folks, somewhere we never thought we'd end up, for many reasons, but mainly because most humanities PhDs from our institution end up in the south/midwest. But we are moving to an awesome city, near two even more awesome large cities, where Hubby has landed a tenure-track position in his field. It's a teaching school, so he will have a 4/4 load and departmental responsibilities, etc., but it's exactly the kind of school at which he's always envisioned himself having a career. I couldn't be more proud of him, and I think he'll be really happy at this school.

He got the call late Friday night from the Dean. I'd already gone to bed, and when he came upstairs to wake me and give me the news, I literally burst into tears. He said he hadn't realized until that moment just how badly I wanted to be done with Doha and back in the U.S. We immediately called our family members and gave them the good news, and his mother was particularly thrilled because I don't think she ever thought it was a serious possibility that we could/would end up in the northeast.

What does this mean for me? Well, hopefully it means good things job-wise. Hubby has already e-mailed the Dean with a counteroffer for the salary and an inquiry about what the teaching opportunities might be for me. What I didn't mention previously is that this school, New England School (NES) also has/had a tenure-track job open in MY FIELD. I applied for it in the fall and never heard anything from them. According to the job wiki, two people had phone interviews and campus visits were supposed to be done in late January/early February. Also according to the wiki, these have not yet taken place; at least nobody has claimed to have had a campus interview. So, depending upon how reliable the job wiki is, the position may or may not still be open. Here's the funny part (not so funny if you ask me). I looked up my application letter to NES, and I quickly discovered a very real reason why they might have just thrown my application in the trash. In the first paragraph, I announce that I'm writing to apply for X position in the Department of English at Completely Different School. Yep, folks, I'm that dumbass!! I had the header/address information correct, but I evidently lost my mind after that point.

So, in an attempt to correct this aggregious error, Hubby passed along a corrected letter of application and CV to the Dean (framed as a helpful follow-up to his inquiry about any possible work for me). We're hoping that the recent/corrected letter is the one that will end up going to the English Department for review, and then we can pretend that such a horrible mistake never happened.

Hubby has less than 2 weeks to accept or decline the offer, so time is ticking. That means that we should know something from the Dean by the end of today or tomorrow at the latest. In the worst case, maybe I could get hired as a lecturer (and they seem to use plenty of them).

I've made contact with a realtor, chosen the most likely town where we'd like to move, and narrowed down a working list of properties we're interested in. The plan is for me to fly the NET in late April to make a final choice for a house, check out schools, etc. But you know what they say about the best laid plans....

Doha Diaries, no. 11: Another Body in the Road

2011-02-19T07:40:00.001-08:00

I haven't been here two years, yet I have already seen 3 dead or injured bodies in the middle of the road in Doha. First, there was last year's accident, at which I stopped to help. Last night may have been just as bad.

Everyone who lives here knows that the face of Qatar is a dark-skinned man--from Nepal, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, India, or one of several other South Asian countries--usually clad in a blue jumpsuit with a scarf around his fact to protect him from the sand and sun. This man has most likely left his family, any wife or children he may have, to come here and do the very hard manual labor that the citizens of this country are not willing to do. They work for barely nothing, are housed in labor camps, where they are sometimes abused and often live on nothing but rice and some fruit. God only knows how long they go without seeing their families, or if some of them ever get to. These men make up a good 50% of the population in Doha (nationals only make up approximately 30%). The rest of us, myself included, are the hired help.

As Hubby and I were driving to another compound where we were meeting friends for a double date, we went through one of the busier roundabouts close to our compound, and about half a mile down the road, I suddenly looked to my left and saw a man's body lying in the middle of the road. Three lanes of traffic were still driving past him. Nobody was standing next to him trying to help him or divert traffic. Nothing! Hubby pulled a u-turn at the stop light, and I called 999 (the equivalent of 911 here). They had already gotten the report and the ambulance was on its way. By the time we made it back to the scene, a group of workers in another vehicle had stopped to try and divert traffic, as did one young Qatari man. For all we know, it could have been the same man that hit him, but I doubt it.

As we passed the body, I looked at him, praying to see open eyes, no blood, some movement--any movement. There was nothing. A small pool of blood. One bare foot. Face down on the concrete. A white pool of foam near his mouth. No movement.

I felt like I needed to puke. I couldn't help but burst into tears and sob for this man, this loss of his precious human life. I wondered how long he'd been lying there? How many cars drove over him, not even realizing it was a human body? How many simply drove by, without a care, unwilling to stop and try to help him or prevent him from being run over again? Did he have a family? Kids? How long would it take before they would get the news? Would his body be returned to them? Would anyone be there at the hospital to identify him? Will there be an obituary for him? Who will remember his life and how? Who will mourn for him?

I can only remember his face in death, and I'm so tired of seeing it here. This isn't right, it isn't fair, it isn't normal....I want to scream at everyone on the road and ask them "WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING CARE?!" I don't understand it, and I probablly never will. I can't shake the image of his body lying there, and I'm pissed that nobody here seemed to give a shit that there was a dead fucking body in the road!! They won't have nightmares, they won't reflect on this loss, and they won't wonder what this says about their culture or they're way of life.

This is the part they don't tell you about on the recruitment visit.

More Good News

2011-02-19T07:33:00.000-08:00

Hubby got another invitation for a campus visit!! It came out of the blue, especially considering he hasn't even had a phone interview with this school. But, it's t-t position in his field, and in a location not too far away from where we lived back in the U.S. It's also near a large metropolitan, where there are several schools at which I could likely find work. Again, not getting my hopes up, but as Hubby said, it's nice to know that it's no longer a "one and done" situation.

I should say that I'm so proud of and happy for him! I thought if the situation came up, I'd be at least a little bit jealous, but I'm not. If anything, I'm relieved that it's not me having to face the anxiety and nervousness of a job talk or teaching demo. I'm really nothing but completely happy for his success thus far!

Some Good News...Finally!

2011-02-15T00:35:00.000-08:00

I don't remember if I posted anything about this previously, but Hubby had a phone interview about a month ago. It was with a teaching school in the NE, one that had actually run a search in the English department in my field, but I did not get an interview request. Hubby said the interview went well, though he then picked himself apart as many of us do after these things. Then, out of the blue last week, he got an e-mail request for a campus visit!! Hooray for Hubby!

I'm not yet jaded, but I've learned my lesson: don't fall for the school. One must not fall for any school before one signs a contract, because surely one will end up with a broken heart. I haven't fallen in love with this school, buuuuuut, there are many things about which I am very excited, such as:

the location--it's about 30 minutes from Awesome Capital City (ACC); it's also within driving distance of Hubby's family. Because of the location, the school is near lots of other schools at which I could potentially find work as an instructor.
the schools--the state has some of the best public schools in the U.S.
the job--it's a tenure-track job, which means it could be the place where we make our forever home (that is, as long as I can also find academic employment with which I'm happy)
the location--it's fantastic! fall seasons would be beautiful, and we'd have the chance to vacation at the shore every summer

Hubby has to complete both a job talk and a departmental interview, in addition to the usual meetings. I think he'll do really well; he's a great teacher, at least that's what I hear from his students all the time. I heard it back at our main campus and I hear the same things hear. His students love him, and his passion for teaching and his field are clearly evident when he's in the classroom. I'm so happy that he has this opportunity!

RBoC: Sunday Edition

2011-01-29T23:00:00.000-08:00

I've finished what will be my first publication (an essay in a collected edition) one day ahead of schedule--woohoo! I'm using this last day to take care of any stylistic revisions that need to be made, since I'm not familiar with the style the editors are using. I'm happy with what I've written and the research it's based on, and I'm really looking forward to seeing the other essays in the collection (as well as any suggestions for further revision the editors might have).
Now, I look forward to ASECS in March. I'm participating in a roundtable, so my paper will be short and sweet. I'm excited to get together with all the 18th-c. peeps, but I do not look forward to the OMG number of travel hours that are required to get to Vancouver. The only saving grace is that I was able to use my Qmiles through Qatar Airways to upgrade to business class on the flight to Houston (16 hours!).
The spring job market is non-existent. Really and truly, there is nothing to speak of at this point, and it makes me want to crawl into bed and never come out.
Hannah's birthday is coming up, and that will make me the mother of a 12-year old daughter. I sure hope 12 will be easier than 11, but something tells me it won't. I've tried some new parenting strategies since we returned from holiday break, and they've worked well so far. Really, it just amounts to me setting firmer boundaries and not engaging her when those boundaries are crossed. We'll see how this goes.
The best discovery we made upon returning to our compound was that our evil heathen neighbors had been moved!! YIPPEEE!! It's almost unbelievable the difference that it's made in the dynamics of this compound. You see, there are only 16 villas (houses) here. To compare, many of the other compounds (think gated living, Middle East style) have between 100-250 villas. The latter results in a greater mixture of types, personalities, etc. of the residents. Our compound, however, is comprised solely of people who work for the same university, and almost all of them have children (mainly girls). So, if you have a problem at home, it has a much higher chance of carrying over to a problem at work, even if it's just an HR issue of requesting a house change. But now, we don't worry about our kids going to play outside, there's no more drama, and it's soooooo much more quiet!
At some point, I will have to turn my attention to revising the dissertation. I'm trying to get myself psyched up for this, but I haven't had much success yet. I know I'll need to get Bill Germano's work, From Dissertation to Book, but I realize that I'm still very much isolated from any kind of intellectual community remotely related to my field, and that's something that can't be duplicated.

Not the One

2011-01-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

Apparently, God has other plans for me, and they don't include the school with which I interviewed at MLA. I'm bummed. I feel ashamed and like I let down my kids and my family, and more importantly, I feel like that was my only chance. The spring job market has yet to materialize at all, so I don't have much hope there. I just pray that whatever God's plans are, they include our family living in the US really soon.

Answered Prayers and Grief

2011-01-12T14:50:00.001-08:00

The only prayer I've ever prayed, in which I've asked God to take someone has been answered. At 11:45 p.m. on Sunday, January 9th, my grandmother passed away after a long battle with Alzheimers. I knew it was coming. I'd even had the chance to take Hannah to her house the night before, so that she could say goodbye. When I went back to work after Hannah was born, my grandma watched her one day a week, and they developed a special bond, one that none of her other great-grandchildren were fortunate enough to have with her. I still have a photo showing the 5 generations: my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my father, myself, and Hannah. I know how rare that is, so I'm thankful.

After arriving in Doha at 6:30 p.m. Tuesday evening and getting less than 4 hours of sleep, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. Wednesday morning (today) to catch a flight to NYC, then on to Dallas-Ft. Worth and on to Home State so that I can attend the funeral. I'll be giving a reading at the funeral, a poem she cut out from the local newspaper over 11 years ago. She gave it to me, somewhat randomly, and said "I want you to read this at my funeral." I saved it all these years. I don't know how it ended up making/surviving the move to Doha. But when we got home, I knew exactly where to look. And there it was.

Though I'll only be reading the poem, there's so much more that I want to say. I want to say that she was the grandmother everyone deserves to have. She could laugh with the biggest smile, she loved God, she was devoted for life to my grandfather no matter how long ago he died, and she was the first to ask if you were hungry as soon as you walked into her house. She somehow managed to balance the act of spoiling grandkids with chocolate ice cream, chips, and our favorite sugary cereals (Cookie Crisp!) with the discipline and punishment of finding just the right switch (you know, for spanking your ass) from the willow tree in her front yard if you pushed her far enough. She came to basketball games, spelling bees, graduations, and weddings. She never learned to drive, but she got around more than anyone else I know. She wasn't perfect, but she was a perfect grandmother, and I will miss her light and love so much.

Knowing that she was dying and getting the chance to say goodbye to her was supposed to make it less painful, but it only took the initial sting away. It still hurts. I still grieve. And I'm sad that I'm having to make this journey back home for the funeral alone, especially without Hannah, who really wanted to come. I know she's in a better place, that she's no longer in pain, and that she's back with my grandfather, the only thing she's wanted for many years. May they both rest together in peace and know how much they were loved.

Interview Success

2011-01-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Whether I get a campus visit or not, the interview was beautifully! No weird questions, no tricky questions to decipher, and no fumbling answers. They asked typical questions about my dissertation, my future research, and my courses, and I was prepared for all of those (without sounding scripted). It was like a conversation with two lovely colleagues that I'd love to work down the hall from....really, it couldn't have gone better.

There's no second-guessing how I could have answered this question or that question better. I feel like I gave them solid, specific answers for everything, and even better, they expressed seemingly genuine interest in my dissertation topic and my syllabi and course plans (i.e. they commented on my syllabi more than once).

I don't know how many people they interviewed, but it doesn't really matter. I did my best, and I walked away feeling like I knocked it out of the park! Even if I don't get this job, I'll be okay...But still, I'd really, really, really, LOOOVVVEEE to get this job. So, you know, send good job vibes this way if you have a moment.

Are You There God? It's Me, AcadeMama.

2011-01-05T18:35:00.000-08:00

Dear God,

Let me start with thanks. I give thanks for our safe (though long) travels back to the U.S., the time we've had with family since getting home, relatively few travel problems along the way, a very blessed Christmas with Hubby and my daughters, and lots of great memories made in the past three weeks. Thank you for the opportunity I've been given in the form of an interview at MLA, with a school that is perfect, a position that's in my area, and in a location that would be ideal for both our family and careers.

I also have to give thanks for what has been an incredibly enjoyable stay at Hubby's parent's home. Yes, you read that right. We arrived on Dec. 18th and stayed for five days before returning to Home State to visit my family. The first leg of our stay couldn't have gone better. The kids have loved playing with cousins, I've enjoyed cooking for Hubby's family and watching them bond with the girls, and there's enough space that we don't feel like we're on top of each other (a huge bonus). After time with my family, we came back to Hubby's parent's house on Dec. 28th, and have been here since then. I've had the benefit of some very helpful, meaningful conversations with my mother-in-law, and I definitely feel like we've gotten to know each other better as a result. She's been a voice of wisdom and advice on several topics, and I appreciate the perspective she's offered. It's been a great visit, and I know our family brings chaos, noise, and toys everywhere to a home that is usually less full of those things. Thus, I appreciate his family's patience, willingness to share their space, and hospitality overall. I'm thinking of sending a thank you gift later (maybe flowers?)....Do you think that would be appropriate?

The trip back hasn't been without its down moments. In particular, I faced an extremely difficult confrontation with my mom, which still hasn't been resolved. In addition, my Grandma is dying, and it's going to happen sooner rather than later. She has Alzheimers, and her condition has rapidly deteriorated since I saw her in August. She only remembered me if I reminded her who I was. During one instance of lucidity, she heard my name, started stroking my hair and face, and melted into tears, telling me that she loved me. That moment meant the world to me, and I thank God I had the chance to say everything I needed to say. That I loved her, that she was the best grandmother anyone could ever ask for, that I had a lifetime of good memories to cherish, and that if I could be half the grandmother she was, I would be happy. I think she'll still be alive when I return to Home State (after MLA) on Saturday night, so I'll have one last chance to see her and take Hannah to see her, which means a lot to me.

Lastly, thank God I have an interview! I also have a wonderful friend who gave me the time to read my application materials and writing sample, then conduct a mock interview via Skype yesterday. She is truly teh awesomeness! I got good feedback from her, I'm prepped for the interview, and I feel confident about both my answers and my chances, in general, for the position. It would be a great job, for lots of reasons, and that's why I have to end with another address...

Please, please, please let this interview go well! And by go well, I mean please let it result in a campus visit. If that's not too much to ask, I'd really appreciate it.

K, thanks, in God's name,
Amen

Bad News, Good News

2010-12-11T21:35:00.000-08:00

Well, I've finally heard things. That's not to say that I haven't been hearing any news on the job front. I've obviously been following the job Wiki, and I've been able to track which search committees have moved forward with other candidates. I really haven't blinked an eye at any of those because, I think, they never showed interest to begin with...like, they never requested my dossier, so I sort of applied and then moved on without getting my hopes up. But, with the schools that requested my dossier, that is a little different story.

The Bad News: I was not selected for an MLA interview with The One. I got a personal e-mail from a colleague in my field (who is also a friend), which explained that ze thought this was a "collective loss" for the school and ze would've been happy to have me as a colleague. Hearing this from a friend at the school rather than the Wiki, took some of the sting out. Evidently, fate has other things in store for me, because.....

The Good News: Minutes before the bad news e-mail came an e-mail from a different school inviting me for an MLA interview! It was a school that requested writing sample, sample syllabi, etc. from the beginning stages, so there wasn't a step in the process for dossier requests. Yay team! That means they liked what they saw :) Also, this school is not located on either coast or in the NE, so I think there is likely a somewhat smaller applicant pool (double yay!). Regardless, I am happy to be heading to Los Angeles in January with at least one reason for being there.

It only takes one, right?