This morning, as I was helping H get her backpack ready so we could get out the door, I stumbled upon what will now be known as The Note. Today is Crazy Hat Day at her school, which means children can pay $1 - the proceeds going to the American Cancer Society - to wear their favorite/most crazy hat to school. While she dug for $1 out of her piggy bank, I was putting her folders in her backpack. This required some cleaning out of the backpack. Removing a few loose papers, I noticed our home phone number written on a piece of paper. Looking closely, here is what I discover:
1st entry, in H's handwriting:
"Do you want to go out? My phone number is ***-****."
2nd entry, in someone else's handwriting:
"Yes. When we go on the field trip to the park do you want to kiss (French style)?"
Yes. You read this right. My 3rd grade daughter was not only asking a boy out on a date, but she in turn was solicited for some smoochy action!
I immediately asked her what the note was, and she desperately tried to explain that she didn't write the last part, that it was all The Boy's fault, and that she wasn't asking him on a date, but rather asking if his family would like to go somewhere with our family --- Yeah...bullshit on that last part!!
I then showed my husband the note, which he found quite amusing simply because of The Boy's word choice - "the French style" - and the fact that he'd put this in parentheses...I was not amused in the least. I explained to H that I would be calling The Boy's parents - both of them - as well as calling the after-school program she attends. Apparently, the field trip is associated with the scrapbooking club that H and The Boy are both members of.
Despite H's continued attempts to vehemently denounce The Boy's question - even the mere idea - this is obviously evidence that 3rd grade ain't what it used to be! Hell, I didn't even get my first "French" kiss until I was almost 14! I've talked to her about what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior with boys, and I've made it clear that there will be no "boyfriend" business at her age. Should I just face the fact that she's getting to the "boy crazy" stage? Should I be worried that even at 8-years old, she might be lying to me about what she's doing with boys? I don't want to make the mistake of overreacting, but I also want to prevent problems before they start. Do you think I'm out of line by calling The Boy's parents? Is it unreasonable to put her in a convent now?
Thursday, October 04, 2007
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5 comments:
Oh my GOD! I laughed when I read this, but also imagined what I would fee like if I found said note -- I'm such a neurotic thing. I'd be wondering, "Do I know my own child?" "How long has this been going on?" "Where did she get the idea to write this?" "What if..." LOL. Some mothers would laugh - I would panic. On the bright side - a) she did the asking (very cool) and b) the guy likes to scrapbook. Not your average joe. Please keep us posted - I want to know what happens when you call!
First, I have to say, that like your hubby, I'm somewhat amused by the note--does H (and the boy who asked her to) even know (I mean really know) what french kissing is? I'm sure she think she knows from watching movies and stuff.
That said, I would urge you to be cautious. I think you're completely justified to be concerned and to want to lock H up in a convent (from which she would only escape or fall in love with a priest; think about all the 18th & 19th century books where young girls are sent away for their own protection. They inevitably end up with some total scoundrels. :)) I think the goal is for H to trust you and to know that she can talk to you about these things. I'm concerned that if you act out of fear or anger (again, both of which are totally justified) you may inadvertently cause H to not share things with you. I think a phone call to his parents is totally appropriate (I'm sure the boy's parents would want to know about this too), but make sure H knows she isn't being punished and that she didn't do anything wrong. Good luck! Reading this certainly makes me glad that Wild Man is only 11 months old!
Okay, first, YOWZA! And they are only 8?!?! I do have to 'fess up, though, to being amused, as well. I absolutely understand the shock; I would be shocked, too.
Second, I, too, wonder whether this young boy, and H, too, really know what "the French style" is. I think, at 8, I would have been totally guh-rossed out by the thought. So it seems to me, and you must be on the same page or you wouldn't have thought to call his parents, that some age appropriate form of THE TALK is in order. I don't think it would be inappropriate, for this very reason, to call his parents. Or maybe to report it to the after-school program and have one of them call the parents.
In fact, it might be a better option to contact the school group first and have them take the appropriate measures. This way, you might avoid alienating or embarrassing H even further. You don't want her thinking she can't confide in you. Plus, the program would be a third party without emotional investment. Calling the parents yourself might become a rather sticky situation on all sides.
Last, I know what I was up to at 14, 15, and 16 years old. And I most certainly did not tell my mother what that was. She never tried to have any discernible form of THE TALK with me and it resulted in me having lots of misconceptions about m/f relationships. Be sure she knows you are concerned but don't let her feel shamed.
Good luck with it. I'm just glad I have a few years before I have to worry about this one. Let us know what happens; I'd like to have it in my arsenal for future reference.
Wow! I agree with all of the other posters, and I'd like to add that, when I was in fourth grade, I chased my crush around the room (at my afterschool program), tackled him, and kissed him (not in the french style). And I was very curious about sex and boys. Like Mad Grad Mom, my parents did not have any sort of talk with me, and, perhaps as a result, I didn't tell them ANYTHING about my life. All in all though, that aggressive move in fourth grade was in no way representative of my interaction with boys as I got older.
As for the note, I do remember my mom finding a note that I had written that contained some scandalous material, much like H's note, and she told me that I shouldn't write anything down in a note or letter that I wouldn't want anyone else to read. I don't know that I'm recommending that approach, but it's just something that I remember.
Good luck!
Going through it right now with my nine year old!!!
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