Thursday, May 22, 2008

Getting Anxious

Every other day or so I find myself increasingly anxious about two main things that are or will be coming up soon:

1) trying for our third (and last) baby in just 2 months!! (with my July cycle)
2) going on the job market this fall

With the first one, I'm just scared about the idea of 3 children. My brain knows that everything will be okay. Things get done. Children are provided for, loved, and nobody goes without attention and affection. But, I've only done this for 2 kids so far. I can do 2 kids. We have our routine and everything. I'm already trying to design a daily schedule in an Excel spreadsheet for how the morning routine should work with a third child in the mix (yes, I'm a bit anal/crazy). I'm really starting to get excited about trying to get pregnant again, as I truly enjoy being pregnant (no matter the fatigue, back pain, etc.). But I'm also scared of what may follow: the baby blues again (like I had after E was born), the problems nursing, the feeling of being overwhelmed and out of control. Ultimately, though, we have a plan, one we're comfortable with and believe is optimal for our lives, careers, and family situation.

The job market? Ugh...! I'm just scared, feeling inadequate, unprepared, like a freshman going through some hazing ritual. There's too much on this one for needs a post of its own, which will come soon, right after I turn in this chapter at the end of next week.

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