What about when Daddy cries?

So, if you've read my previous post today, then you know I was doing okay this morning. Well, it all changed when Daddy cried (my husband, that is). First, you should understand that my husband is a big man, former Marine, extremely happy to be back to work on his dissertation, and generally not an emotional "softy." After visiting the baby at daycare today, however, he broke down in tears in my office. The baby wasn't hurt. She wasn't crying when he left her. There was no immediate emergency or danger. She was simply sitting in the swing, looking out into space. This was the problem.

My husband explained that seeing the baby sitting in the swing just staring off to the side reminded him of an old person in a nursing home, just rocking away in a rocking chair, unaware of their own situation (lonely, stuck, away from family). Yesterday hadn't been a problem for him because when he visited the baby someone was holding her when he walked in and someone was holding her when he walked out. Today, however, he realized one of the hardest things: our baby can't be held all the time at daycare. Moreover, I think he realized that she's not going to get the near constant stimulation that we offer her when she's awake at home. For him, the time she spent in that swing without someone talking to her, cooing at her, trying to get her to smile or coo back was precious, and that time will be lost each day she's at daycare.

Seeing my husband cry broke my heart and I broke down all over again. Not quite as bad as yesterday, because I felt like I had to be the strong one this time. I reminded him that it would get better as she gets older and that he'll be staying home with both girls this summer (since he's not funded by his dept. in the summer). But for the first time since I've known this man, he mentioned quitting his PhD and getting a "real" job! The only thing that stopped his train of thought was the fact that it wouldn't change the situation: baby would still need daycare.

My co-worker, who's also kind of my boss, came in shortly after and saw I was clearly in distress. We talked about what the problem was, and despite not being a "kid person" of any kind, she suggested that I talk with the director of the office about bringing baby to work or doing some/most of my work from home (or a combination of the two). I'm only funded to work 15 hours, so this is actually quite feasible. What's interesting is the fact that I never expected my trauma (and it absolutely is a trauma) to be a Daddy problem too. I'm glad it is, don't get me wrong. And it should be more often. But all the things that my great friends said to me yesterday - the things that made me feel better - didn't necessarily work with my husband. As a father, he didn't necessarily feel any better at all, which makes me wonder if there are any resources that put dads in touch with each other about this kind of issue. Needless to say, we're absolutely considering the work-from-home option for me, at least for this semester. It won't completely solve the problem, but it's the best we can do for now.