Things That Suck (and things that don't)

I know I shouldn't be bitching, but some things just suck. Like:

• getting into a nasty argument with Hubby the night before he leaves to take H back to the U.S. for spring break


• having strep throat and a double ear infection while being the only parent on duty


• not knowing which town to live in in New England State (there are 2-3 smallish towns near the town where Hubby's university is located)


• not knowing which neighborhood would be best for us (both fit-wise and in terms of what can afford). Although, this website, which provides info on schools, crime, and housing values has been a great help!


• not yet knowing exactly how much house we can afford to buy (a bit complicated since we're going through the VA home loan process)


• the possibility that we'll lose a good deal of money on the minivan we bought in Doha simply b/c there will come a point when we *have* to sell it, even if it's not at our asking price (or anywhere near the fair asking price)


• making new friends all over again


• trying to figure out the logistics for landing in New England State, shopping for and getting new furniture into the house so that we have a place to sleep and sit, and unpacking our things while Hubby flies back to College Town, loads up the moving van and drives all the way back to New State, while also having the 2-yr old and 4-yr old running around. You see, we have stuff from Doha (mainly clothes, crib, and kitchen gear) that will come to New State a few days after we land. We also have all the rest of our stuff in a storage unit in College Town. And then there's the stuff that needs to be purchase upon arrival: living room set and bedroom set, just to start.


• trying to remember what we sold in the garage sale before we moved and, thus, what we'll need to replace


• the complete uncertainty of what I'll be doing in terms of a job next year

Lest I seem ungrateful, I'll stop here. I'll go further and balance it with things that don't suck.

• all my children are healthy


• we got approved for a VA home loan!! (up to $36K towards the down payment and limited closing costs, among other benefits)


• in turn, this increases the amount we can afford to pay for a new house


• we have tickets home!! Yes, the last one-way tickets from Doha to the U.S. that I'll ever have to purchase


• my mom is meeting me in New England Town and looking at the homes & towns that are on our list of possibilities. Her advice and input will be helpful, and we'll have some quality time together without children, something we haven't had in a very long time.

Frankly, there aren't enough notepads in the world for me to write down all the lists of things to do, check out, price, keep track of, etc. I have a million decisions to make, and I feel an enormous amount of pressure to get them all right. Many of them can't be made until I'm on the ground and seeing things for myself, but that, unfortunately, doesn't stop me from worrying about them in the meantime.

Patriotism vs. Gratitude

Though I've been thinking about similar things since we returned to the States last month, reading Anastasia's post on patriotism and the church has helped me to clarify what I've been feeling in a very specific way (BTW: I'd be interested to hear other expat perspectives). We've been living in the Middle East for almost a year now. Hubby and I have gone through all the usual stages of international, expatriate living: an initial sense of adventure, followed by all sorts of confusing, frustrating, and irrational (to us) adjustments to our daily lives, along with outright culture shock. By December, I was at my breaking point, and I really wasn't sure how I would make it through each day. I went through a semester-long sort of love affair with teaching an extremely diverse international student body; I was charmed by awareness of world events and their ability to see themselves as global citizens. Some things (like the frustrations that come with language barriers) became normal, while others (the reckless and often fatal driving habits of many Qataris) will never be normal, though we adjust our routines and routes as much as possible.

All of this is to say that I've spent the last year thinking about what it means to live in America vs. the Middle East (Qatar specifically). What it means to be an American. What privileges I have simply because I was born in the United States. What privileges I have because I'm white, make a certain amount of money, etc. As I've looked around me in a country where approximately 70% of the people are imported labor from South Asia, there to do work that the citizens refuse to do (or learn to do) for themselves, I've seen people who do not--and may never--enjoy some of the most simple privileges that I enjoy as an American.

Some caveats...I've never been the flag-waving, Yankee Doodle-singing, die for my country type of person. I've always thought America is a pretty great place. Going through graduate school, of course, I learned about many of the ways America is flawed in some very, very significant ways. I absolutely don't believe there is any such thing as an "American Dream," and I think the idea of nation is largely (if not entirely) constructed by social, political, and religious ideologies.

However, I am utterly grateful for the privileges and freedoms that I am granted in this country. Do I think God loves me more than my Egyptian, Syrian, Iraqi, Qatari, or Kenyan students? No. Do I think God has sprinkled a magic fairy dust of blessings from sea to shining sea? No. Am I superior to the people of any other country? No. Is America the best country in the world? I doubt it.

But, does a "no" answer to these questions mean that I can't be thankful for the life I'm allowed to live here? No, it does not. This is to say that over the past year I have learned to be thankful for all sorts of things that I previously took for granted. Some of these things--the right to free speech, the right to practice my religion freely, the legal freedom to own property as a single woman, etc.--are directly related to being an American. Some of these--safe drinking water, access to high-quality medical care and technology, free public education for my children--are related to being a citizen of a constantly-developing first-world country.

As a Christian, it's a habit for me to give thanks in my prayers. Thanks for the health of family, the roof over our head, clothes on our backs, food to fill our stomachs. Now, God didn't personally sew the shirt I'm wearing, but I thank Him nonetheless for blessings big and small. I thank Him not for making me an American, but for my existence in this place where I (and my family) enjoy so many privileges, freedoms, and opportunities. Some of them exist elsewhere and some don't.

I guess my point is that this gratitude, this recognition, does not mean that I think of Asians as "dirty and backward" or Africans as "poor and wretched." Actually, it has nothing at all to do with what I think of citizens of other countries or other citizens of this country (who may, in fact, be quite poor and wretched despite their being Americans). Really and truly, for me, it's about two things: recognition and thanks. I'm aware, I'm thankful, and I want to consciously work at making sure my children are as well. That may or may not overlap with patriotism, but for me it definitely isn't a consequence of any specific church practice or religious institution.

We Have an Offer

As Hubby and I have busily worked throughout the summer, our attorney has been forcefully "on the case." The case of Us vs. Insurance Company of Idiot That Totalled Our Car, that is. Hubby went through physical therapy, doctor's visits, etc. and was given a clean bill of health in mid-May. At that point, all bills were compiled, paperwork was completed, and the attorney sent everything was sent off to ICITTOC (funny enough, they're known by an acronym in real life). Here's how it worked out:

Attorney offered: $7500 to settle

ICITTOC countered: $2750

Note: the medical bills total $2000, and the attorney gets $600-$800.

Yeah....let's try this again.

Apparently, ICITTOC expects to negotiate and come up on their offer. Our attorney will work to get their settlement offer raised, while also working to get our medical insurance to accept less in reimbursement, because they wouldn't be getting anything if it weren't for us going through the effort of hiring an attorney and pursuing a settlement. In the end, the attorney said he's hoping to be able to get us $2000-$2500 free and clear (maybe more).

It doesn't undo what happened or take away the unbelievable nightmare that was the 20-minute drive it took me to get to my family after the accident. It doesn't payoff the vehicle we were forced to buy, tag, title, and insure as a result of the accident. And it doesn't take away the fear Hannah still has when we're driving in the rain (she remembers and mentions the wreck every time). But, it's better than nothing, and it's definitely been worth us not having to lift a finger to get this settled. I just hope I never have to go through anything like this again.

Look Ma, No Car!

There once was a car that did not look like this:

A car that was valuable only to us as a dependable, grocery-getting, perfect vehicle for a family of four. It was the first vehicle I paid for, on my own, every penny. The insurance company called Friday evening to let us know they weren't even going to bother sending an adjustor, given the car's age and the extent of the damage. They're picking it up on Monday and taking it to their Total Loss Storage Facility. They said we should get an offer late Wednesday or early Thursday. We have a rental until then, and all we can do is wait.

I have so much work to do over Spring Break, that I can't even imagine where I'm going to fit in time to think about all the used car ads my husband and I will be poring over during the next few days. For once, despite my Total Control Freak nature, I sort of wish some magical fairy could come in and make The Right Decision and all things related to the searching, calling, checking out, purchasing, tagging and titling of the new car would be taken care of without me every needing to look up from the piles of papers to be graded, award applications to be completed, and dissertation chapter to be finished.

The girls are now safe and sound at their Nana's house in Home State. Tomorrow morning will be the very first time since E's birth in October 2006 that my husband and I will be able to sleep in together! We'll only have a few days of alone time, as he's going up to Home State on Wednesday, but it's both exciting and comforting to think of the quality time we'll have for the next few days :)

And thank you to all my friends who commented, e-mailed, and/or called to send me good thoughts or see if they could help with anything! Your thoughtfulness is so generous, kind, and very much appreciated. For now, we're okay....we just wait and see what the offer is, then go from there.