Are You There God? It's Me, AcadeMama.

Dear God,

Let me start with thanks. I give thanks for our safe (though long) travels back to the U.S., the time we've had with family since getting home, relatively few travel problems along the way, a very blessed Christmas with Hubby and my daughters, and lots of great memories made in the past three weeks. Thank you for the opportunity I've been given in the form of an interview at MLA, with a school that is perfect, a position that's in my area, and in a location that would be ideal for both our family and careers.

I also have to give thanks for what has been an incredibly enjoyable stay at Hubby's parent's home. Yes, you read that right. We arrived on Dec. 18th and stayed for five days before returning to Home State to visit my family. The first leg of our stay couldn't have gone better. The kids have loved playing with cousins, I've enjoyed cooking for Hubby's family and watching them bond with the girls, and there's enough space that we don't feel like we're on top of each other (a huge bonus). After time with my family, we came back to Hubby's parent's house on Dec. 28th, and have been here since then. I've had the benefit of some very helpful, meaningful conversations with my mother-in-law, and I definitely feel like we've gotten to know each other better as a result. She's been a voice of wisdom and advice on several topics, and I appreciate the perspective she's offered. It's been a great visit, and I know our family brings chaos, noise, and toys everywhere to a home that is usually less full of those things. Thus, I appreciate his family's patience, willingness to share their space, and hospitality overall. I'm thinking of sending a thank you gift later (maybe flowers?)....Do you think that would be appropriate?

The trip back hasn't been without its down moments. In particular, I faced an extremely difficult confrontation with my mom, which still hasn't been resolved. In addition, my Grandma is dying, and it's going to happen sooner rather than later. She has Alzheimers, and her condition has rapidly deteriorated since I saw her in August. She only remembered me if I reminded her who I was. During one instance of lucidity, she heard my name, started stroking my hair and face, and melted into tears, telling me that she loved me. That moment meant the world to me, and I thank God I had the chance to say everything I needed to say. That I loved her, that she was the best grandmother anyone could ever ask for, that I had a lifetime of good memories to cherish, and that if I could be half the grandmother she was, I would be happy. I think she'll still be alive when I return to Home State (after MLA) on Saturday night, so I'll have one last chance to see her and take Hannah to see her, which means a lot to me.

Lastly, thank God I have an interview! I also have a wonderful friend who gave me the time to read my application materials and writing sample, then conduct a mock interview via Skype yesterday. She is truly teh awesomeness! I got good feedback from her, I'm prepped for the interview, and I feel confident about both my answers and my chances, in general, for the position. It would be a great job, for lots of reasons, and that's why I have to end with another address...

Please, please, please let this interview go well! And by go well, I mean please let it result in a campus visit. If that's not too much to ask, I'd really appreciate it.

K, thanks, in God's name,
Amen

The Silence is Deafening

Oh people....how I long to hear news of an interview request.

Surprisingly, I have been completely unaffected by the jobs I see vanishing into Wiki thin air (as in they've clearly moved on with other candidates). No big deal, I just check them off my list. The torturous part is that the two schools that requested my dossier still have yet to schedule MLA interviews. GAHHHH!!! It's the end of the semester, already. What else are you people doing if not trying to figure out who to interview?!

I haven't yet been obsessive about the Wiki or the interviews, but I'm starting to feel a bit anxious about a Plan B. That is, I think my chances of landing a job in the spring market are even worse (for various reasons), which leaves us with two options: go home and *hope* something pans out over the summer or stay here for another year and *hope* we have better luck on the market next year. Yeah, um, neither of those sound appealing to me. I know we'd save lots of money, have plenty of time to focus on our work/research, and we wouldn't really be "expired produce" yet. But I want to have a HOME. A home that is mine, one that I can tear down, build onto, paint the walls of, pick out furniture for, and raise my kids in. I'm ready to put down roots and return to our "normal" American lifestyle. I feel like we've paid our dues, fulfilled our contracts, and achieved our professional goals for the time we've had here, and now it's time for the rest of our plan to fall into place: get jobs back home!

I'm making slow but steady progress on the essay that's been accepted for publication, but a sick toddler has taken up some of my work time. We leave in 9 days for the States, and I still have to finish a rough draft of this essay (I'm 1,300 words away) before next Wednesday, grade the final papers for my comp class, purchase the two "big" gifts we're getting the littlest ones, and start a packing list. This is all overwhelming right now, but if I just had some good job news, I think I could take everything a little bit easier.

Home Away From Home

Well, we made it to Home State after a really good flight from Doha to Houston and a smooth connection to our quick domestic flight. I got two of my Christmas wishes already! We have a fantastically white Christmas Eve! We're in a part of the country that's having a Winter-Storm-of-the-Decade kind of thing....seriously, I haven't seen this kind of snow since I was a little girl--it's awesome. Because of the weather, Hannah's dad brought her back last night instead of Christmas afternoon. There was a very high chance that they'd get snowed in until Sunday if he didn't, so now I'll have all three of my girls at home on Christmas morning :-) She was sad she'd miss out on a couple more days with him, but I know Eliza is happy to have her back.

In other news, I am beyond blissful about the corporate furnished house we've rented! It's beautifully (but simply) decorated with things that I'd pick out myself, and it's got a fabulous layout. In addition, we're in a great town, just outside the metro area of the capital city, and everything we could need is close by. Really, I wish I could just send Hubby back to Doha to finish his contract, and I'd just stay here with the girls. I'm trying to remember that none of this--our trip back, dinners out, Christmas paid for completely in cash, all the great food I'm making tomorrow--would be possible without our jobs in Qatar. It's extremely hard though....I've been happier in the past 11 days here than any single day since we arrived in Doha. I can't help but sincerely hope that Hubby will land a t-t job and we'll be able to break contract and come back home.

That said, I've just about had it with my mother, so a few states between us is probably a good thing. Really, the whole AcadeMama is a selfish mother and tyrant of a wife routine is getting old. Hubby and I are both tired of her attitude, the one she has about me (that I only think of myself), the one she has about our marriage (that Hubby is a spineless pushover), and the one she has about us as parents (that we spoil Eliza but treat Hannah unfairly). Each one is complete bullshit, and she doesn't have a clue what our daily lives are like, so she has no business spouting this crap to us (actually, she's only done it while I've been out of the house and Hubby was there) while we're home for just 18 days. I take that back, she shouldn't be saying things like that under any circumstances; she should keep her mouth shut and realize that we're just fine. We're happy, we're good parents, and we have a good marriage. Keeping her out of our heads has been difficult at times, but thankfully we have our own space, and we're staying in it! She and I will eventually have to have a conversation, but I don't know if it will change anything. If anything changes it will be because I now realize that nothing I ever do will be good enough for her...nothing I can do as a mother (except play the sacrificial Virgin Mary), or as a wife, or as a person in my own right will make her happy.

I'm not letting her spoil my visit home though. I've enjoyed watching the girls play together all day. I've made a TON of food in preparation for Christmas brunch and dinner tomorrow. And, Amelia started crawling since we've been back home!! Amazing what some soft carpet will allow (rather than cold, hard marble floors). She also got her two front teeth (on the top) with relatively little pain, despite the fact that she was bleeding at one point...She just looked up from her Daddy's leg and had blood on her mouth, but didn't care a bit. She was smiling from ear to ear. She really is amazing....so strong, happy, and determined. She's going to grow up a thousand times faster than the older girls.

For now, I'm soaking it all up: the snow, my daughters, time with my husband, the holidays, and all the Mexican food I can get in my belly! For all those celebrating, may you have the happiest and most joyful of holidays!