Here's a New One: A Screw In My Shoulder

Okay, seriously, we've all heard some pretty bad excuses from students about why they couldn't be in class, why they didn't turn their work in on time, or why they must absolutely be given one more chance to do a major project correctly.

But, what - I say what the hell - does one say to the student who, after missing class today, e-mails a short message to indicate that the attached picture [yes, there was indeed an attached picture of an x-ray photo with what appeared to be a nail in someone's shoulder] is the reason why ze missed class?
And further,

- that ze has no idea how it got there (must have been one helluva night)
- ze has already been "opened up" by a doctor today, but the doctor couldn't remove it
- another surgery has been scheduled, which might put ze out for a few days, but ze is bound and determined to come to Wednesday's class no matter how ze feels

I mean, really...WTF? I'm tempted to just say, "Sorry to hear about your bad luck. Make sure to get a doctor's note for that." because this student has already missed over a week of class and has performed miserably throughout the semester. Why this person is even still hanging around, I'm not sure...

So I ask, what would you say???