Get a Clue

And the idiocy continues....

After parking in the garage next to my office building yesterday morning, I started to open my door and get out, only to find myself being blocked in by an undergraduate driving a way-too-big pickup truck. These vehicles are quite common in College Town, and the parking mayhem they cause is familiar to all in the area. Most of the time, I'm thin enough to not have too much difficulty scaling down the side of my vehicle out of the parking space. These days, it's a different story.

After Redneck Boy pulls in, I try to get of the vehicle once more. I discover that I can either get my body out (barely) without my bags, or can sling my bags out into the parking lot, but the whole package cannot go together. I'd. Had. Enough. Despite seeing me struggle to even crack the door open enough to get out, Redneck Boy sits in his truck with a blank stare, as if I should simply beam myself out of the way. Now, I was pissed!

I slid up to the passenger-side window and knocked on it. Redneck Boy's passenger rolled down the window, and I, in my nicest but most matter-of-fact-voice explained,

"Yeah, I'm more than 6 months pregnant and I can't get out of this parking space. This isn't cool, so do you think you could back your rig up and let me get out with my things before you park?"

Seemingly shocked by my brazen confrontation and feeling like an ass for trapping a pregnant woman in her own damn vehicle, he stuttered that he was planning on "straightnin' her out anyway." Really? Guess what, it's not a matter of being crooked jack-ass! It's a matter of you driving an oversized penis replacement on four wheels!! He realized this after his first attempt at "straightnin' her out," which clearly left no more room than before. He finally just backed up and waiting for me to get out with my bags.

Truly, I've never been the kind of woman who turns into a raging bitch simply as a result of pregnancy. But, seriously, if shit like this continues to happen, I could easily become that person.

Dear Miss S------

Dear Miss S-------,

I realize you probably meant no ill-will by your remark in the departmental mail room this morning. After all, you are a young graduate student without children, whom, I will presume, has never been pregnant. In this case, you might be considered guilty of mere insensitivity rather than outright ignorance and rudeness. However, I feel obligated to point out that it is generally considered, how shall I put this, really fucking stupid, to remark to a pregnant woman, "Gee, you seem to get bigger every day, every time I see you!" This is especially the case if the pregnant woman happens to be a colleague who works in the same field as you and could someday be reviewing your work. Comments like this tend to make a pregnant woman, or at least this pregnant woman, want to cause bodily harm to the clueless sap that had the audacity to make any comment about her weight.

I hope that you think back on your comment and quickly feel like an ass, as you should. For now, I will chalk up your remark as the result of someone who is quite possibly intelligent, but lacks any notion of common sense.

Sincerely,
Perfectly-Proportioned, Pregnant, AcadeMama