Middle School

I'm completely convinced that middle school for most of today's young people is 5 bazillion times worse than it was when I was younger...It is nothing short of pure hell, and I just pray that Hannah survives. I'm realizing now just how innocent, good, and naive she really is. That doesn't mean she's perfect. She tells lies to get out of trouble, she makes bad decisions, and she's often completely disrespectful to Hubby and I. But, in the end, she is a *good* girl. A *good* person, especially outside the walls of our house....especially at school.

She has NEVER misbehaved in a classroom or disrespected a teacher. Never. Ever. And she never would. Moreoever, she's never been in a classroom setting where backtalking the teacher, mouthing off in the back row, and generally being rude and disruptive on a regular basis is how some kids behave. And now, after two years of attending a wonderful school with top-notch standards, best learning/teaching practices, and fantastic facilities and resources, she has now been thrown into the lion's den.

On top of going through the repatriation process, which brings its own specific challenges, she's also going through the difficulties that come with a new school, town, etc. She's hypersensitive AND going through puberty, which means at least 50% of all her reactions to anything end up in a teary meltdown. I'm doing the best I can to be patient, understanding, and helpful to her during this transition. But, frankly, I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't know if the answers I have are even any good. And honestly, I'm going through my own repatriation/new town/new job issues, so part of me just wants to sit down and cry along with her!!

I don't know that I have a point here. I'm just hoping that if I keep getting things down in writing somewhere, I'll feel better, I'll think through things a bit more carefully, and maybe even some answers will magicaly appear. Is that too much to ask?

Still Here

I'm here...barely.

As usual, lots of stuff happening in our household. My Mom came up for a visit in mid-August, and we had a great time with her. We followed that with a week in Ocean City, N.J., where we rented a beach house like we did last year. This time, Hubby's aunts and their families did the same, so the girls got to spend lots of time with their cousins at the beach. It was a great trip and a perfect way to end the summer. Last weekend, we had the hurricane-related weather, which really just amounted to lots of wind blowing down limbs, leaves, and such all over our yard and sidewalk. We also welcomed a new member of the family into our house last week. Meet Charlie

our new poodle! He's around 4 years old, and we adopted him from a rescue group that transports dogs/cats in the south to their forever homes in New England. We've been promising the girls a dog for the past two year, telling them we would get one as soon as we moved back to the U.S. We knew we wanted a poodle because we'd seen how wonderfully behaved my mother-in-law's standard poodle is. We did not, however, want to buy from a breeder if we could avoid it, because they are just so many dogs that need a loving home. We got very lucky in finding Charlie! He's shy and behaves as if he may have been mistreated at some point. He cowers quite a bit when Hubby approaches him, but he's getting better as he learns that we love him and handle him gently. He's a very well-mannered dog, only barking when he hears someone at the door, and he's great around the kids (meaning he lets them pet him but he's smart enough to run and hide when Amelia chases him). Since I'm the one who drove to Connecticut to pick him up, he has taken to me the most, following me around wherever I go and laying next to me wherever I sit. It breaks my heart to think that some family could give this dog up, much less treat him with anything other than kindness. I pray that we'll have a good long time with our new addition!

Hannah has also started school this past week. It was not the start I was hoping for, though. She faced one part culture shock from being back in the U.S. and one part urban school shock from being at a good-sized middle school in an urban area. It was evidently an R-rated experience, and she witnessed kids being disrespectful to teachers, mouthing off during class, etc. She was unhappily surprised to find the school schedule nothing like what she experienced in Doha, where they followed best practices and allowed students a short morning break and afternoon break between classes (this allows time for students to decompress a bit, regroup, and relax before hitting their next subject). Such a practice is immensely helpful to children like Hannah who have ADHD. Her new school allows only 3 minutes to switch classes and only 15 minutes for lunch. I'm guessing the idea is to keep students out of trouble by limiting their "free" time. Hannah calls it "not trusting students" and she's probably right. That's the really sad part...that they probably *can't* trust their students. It's a completely different student demographic than what she's used to, and she's terrified of getting bullied, called out in front of people, excluded, and a thousand other things.

We've tried to reassure her that things will get better and give her strategies for making sure she's successful in class and in making friends. Overall, though, it seems that middle school is a shark-infested cesspool of delinquency and immaturity. Most of the boys act like morons and most of the girls are catty little bitches. I really am shocked by how bad the school culture has gotten here, and I'm terrified of what it will become my the time my youngest two are in middle school.

I closed last week with a day-surgery to remove an inclusion cyst...lots of fun, I know. It was a delicate procedure that required general anasthesia, so I was sore, groggy, and out of it for most of Friday. Hubby was really great about helping me rest and making sure the girls didn't smother me and cause any undue pain. I tried to take it easy over the weekend, but it turns out that I'm not good at taking it easy. I am feeling better now, though, so it's back to the grindstone.

Hubby and I start classes this Wednesday, and I've finished syllabi for my courses. The job season is officially upon me, and I'm hoping the MLA job list turns up something good. There is a full-time spot open at a very good local university. It's a renewable 3-year contract, teaching first-year writing and literature courses. The bad news is that most of the people who currently hold these positions have PhDs from places like Columbia, Boston College, UC-Berkeley, etc. And these aren't tenure-track spots! I'm going to apply, but I won't hold my breath.

Right now, I'm just trying to get course materials and handouts developed so that I won't have as much prep to do during the semester. Because we're carpooling to campus and I have no campus office, Hubby is graciously letting me stake out some space in his office to work while we're on campus. It's a TINY space and we are not tiny people, so I don't know how well this scenario will work, but it's the only option at this point. I don't work well with distractions and noise, both of which make it hard for me to concentrate if I'm doing anything other than grading. This means that common spaces like the coffee shop aren't good options for me. The library might work in a pinch, but the problem is when I need to be near my books--all of my books--not just one or two.

So, I have no idea how things are going to play out with work space and schedules, but we'll adapt, I'm sure. Work continues on the house, as I try to make progress in my home office/guest room, and I meet with the carpenter this week about renovations to the kitchen. We're finally getting settled in just as new work & school routines kick in. And every week I have college football, which makes me very, very happy!

Happy Fall everyone!

ETA: I have no idea why Blogger keeps adding spaces between paragraphs, but it's really annoying and I'd love to know how to fix it. I've tried editing the post several times with no luck. Ideas?

Knowing Christ: A Question for Praying People

I have a question for people who would consider themselves practicing Christians. It really doesn't matter which denomination (I don't think). Let's say you have, as part of your regular prayer list, a section for People Who Don't Know Christ. What does this mean, exactly?

I ask because it appears that Hubby and I have landed on this section of someone's prayer list, and we're not sure why. We go to church, we actively look for opportunities to be involved in church and the community, we teach our children about God and prayer, and we genuinely believe in Christ and do our best to live according to basic Christian principles: love people, love God. The person who put us on their list is a relative of mine and knows these things about us, so we're both a bit confused and slightly hurt that this person is under the impression that we don't know Christ. I'm sure the intentions were completely good and that it can't hurt to have someone praying on your behalf.....but what does it mean?

Good Stuff

I'm sure I'm late to the party here, but I thought I'd give a book recommendation for anyone still doing some late summer reading. My mother strongly urged me to read Stockett's The Help, and after hearing all the hype in print, I decided to check it out. While I can see why it appealed to popular culture, it is not The Great First Book that I had hoped it would be. It's a mediocre book, and the author frequently slips in the language when she writes as a black woman. She gets it right and gets it best when he writes as Skeeter, and I hope Stockett can come to that realization and improve her writing as a result.

Anywho, the writer I stumbled upon and fell in love with is Chris Cleaves. I started with his second novel, Little Bee, which is not at all something I'd normally pick up.
I was suckered in by the back cover, which teased me by not revealing anything other than this was a story of two women from completely different worlds, whose lives became inextricably intertwinged (in a way that was NOT a love story). I won't say anything else except that you should read it. It's moving, relevant, painful, and hopeful all at once. It's great writing and an even better story.

Once I found how much I liked Cleave, I picked up his first book, Incendiary.

Again, not something I would have been interested in, but I'd already developed a trust in Cleave, and he didn't disappoint. The story of a British woman who lost her husband and son in a terrorist attack, it's an epistolary novel full of humour, wit, and a search for sanity in an insane world. I think I'm largely drawn to the writing because it's set in London, and I adore the narrator's voice. How Cleave writes so well in a "female" voice is an altogether different matter worth further discussion and study.

So, if you're looking for good reads, these two are infinitely better than The Help.

Stuff in My Head

I'm sure nobody really cares, but I have several new posts running around in my head:

- the repatriation process and its challenges
- the new house and ALL the things that need to be done with it
- New England living
- making friends
- getting older
- going on the job market again this year

I'm hoping I'll get time to write more, but next week brings the imperative to finish revisions to my article. The following week brings a day surgery for me and Hannah's return from Home State, where she's been visiting grandparents and her biological dad. The week after that brings my Mom's first visit to our new house--so excited for that! Then, we're head to Ocean City, N.J. for another vacation at the shore, where Hubby's parents have a house and his aunts and cousins are also renting a place for the same week. Then school starts...ZOMG at some point I'm supposed to have two syllabi ready to go. Yeah, so don't know when I'll have the time to do anything again, but I'll try.

A Room of One's Own...Outside the Home

We've been in our house almost three weeks now, and last week was the first week we started working on our own stuff (article revision for me, HR stuff and office move-in for Hubby). After more than a month of being with the kids, primarily Eliza and Amelia, I was anxious for some quality time with my work. I was excited to return to some sense of normalcy, something that resembles a schedule. The first thought in my head last Monday morning was, "I can't wait to get to the office!" And then it hit me: I don't have an office to go to. Not one on a school campus anyway. For the first time in 10 years of teaching at the university-level, I do not have an official work space of my own .

Even though I had previously always shared an office with one other person (sometimes two), rarely was I ever in the office with an officemate at the same time. I've always treated my job as a regular 9:00-5:00 gig, which isn't terribly common for many graduate students. I've never enjoyed working at home because I'm tempted to do "home things" like fold laundry, clean the kitched, put away dishes, etc. I also don't like the idea of having home/family and work in the same physical space. I function much better at both when I have a separate space of my own in which I can work.

But now, this isn't an option. New England School puts 5-6 visiting lecturers in one large office area for the purpose of meeting with students, etc. I have no idea what this space looks like, or if people are given a desk of their own. Either way, the space is not meant to be a work space for people doing research or writing.

What I have is our fourth bedroom at home, which will serve as my home office. We've bought a futon, mattress, and bedding to use when we have guests, and the room is large enough that neither my work space nor the guest space will feel too cramped if someone is visiting. The guest space aspect is great, but I'm feeling odd and uncomfortable about a home office as my work space. I've never done this before. I almost feel confined and isolated, and it's really unclear how this will work with our plan to carpool together to campus. We're trying to save money on gas, but if my time between classes is the primary time I have to get work done, I don't know how I'll do it on campus. Hubby and I have already planned on sharing his campus office to some extent, but again, I don't know how well that will work either. We both have very different work habits (for example, he listens to music, while I need silence to concentrate).

There's just so much uncertainty about how this will work out, and I don't do well with uncertainty. Does anyone? The best I can do for now is get started on rennovating the room. Just like all the other rooms in the house (except the kitchen), it has awful wallpaper (though I've almost gotten it all stripped down). Once I finish stripping the first layer, I'll take off the second layer, prep, tape, and primer the walls, then paint. I'm thinking of going with this color:

It's a Pantone color called Emberglow...What do you think? It's warm with some punch, but not overbearing or off-putting. I dont' think I'd paint all four walls with it, though...maybe just two? I bought two new, 5-shelf bookshelves, both of which are already full, and my desk is on its way now. I'm going to do my best to enjoy the space, but I already miss not having a professional space on campus, where I can feel more connected to the department. I know plenty of people do this all the time, but this is my first time, and it's going to take some getting used to.

New England Town

We're here! We moved in July 8th, and we've been unpacking boxes, buying new stuff for the house, and getting estimates on plumbing, electrical, and carprentry work. I've already got my new state driver's license, and Eliza and I both have library cards for the public library (she's plowed through the 10 books we took out this past Monday). The move-in had a small hitch, with the movers first being unable to get the headboard for our new bed up the stairs. The next morning, the furniture company sent a new crew, who got it in through the window on the second floor. Unfortunately, once they set up the bed, I noticed where the first movers put two sizeable dents and scratches in the footboard. Another call to the furniture company and two days later, we had a new footboard. Seriously, this is THE most comfortable mattress I've ever slept on! So comfortable that many nights, I go to sleep and don't wake up until it's actually morning! I don't remember the last time that happened.

We've had a few surprises with the electrical work. The original plan was for my brother-in-law, who is an electrician, to drive up and replace the knob and tube wiring in the attic and basement. He's working 7 days a week right now, so that's not going to be an option anytime soon, but if we want to keep the same insurance company, we have to make the repairs in the next few weeks. We ultimately decided to solve the problem by simply changing insurance companies, especially once we found out that knob and tube wiring is really common in the old houses here and that there's no fire danger. Eventually, if we decide to stay long term that is, we'll get it replaced.

Not one, two, or three, but FOUR window A/C units later, our house is comfortably cool. More expensive than what I'd budgeted, but since we're not buying anymore living room furniture, we were able to cover it just fine. I was also able to get a new, stainless steel Frigidaire Professional refrigerator on sale for $999 (regularly $1,599). Under budget there as well, so I went ahead and splurged on this new stainless steel Weber grill!
It's so beautiful! I've never had a nice grill before, and I can't wait to start cooking on it because the weather here is beyond amazing in the summertime. Seriously, the other day it never got above 90 degrees. A gentle shower in the morning cools it off for the rest of the day, and I could sit outside forever.

We've started working on the Wallpaper Nightmare that exists in every room of the house except the kitchen. We're taking out of the little girls' room first and hoping that the job won't take too long now that we have a good solution that you roll onto the walls. I'm also in Contact Paper Hell, with the ugly, dirty stuff all over the kitchen cabinets and drawers. I'm almost finished ripping it all up, but gawd it's been a tedious chore.

I forgot how much work it is to own a home...I also forgot how much of a joy it is! How much pleasure I take in knowing that it's ours and we can do whatever we want to with it. Knowing that we're going to take care of our new home and make it beautiful fills me with such an immense happiness. Of course, so does the fact that I can get a bottle of wine at the store anytime I like :) We stll have a lot of work to do, but it doesn't have to be done overnight. Right now, I'm looking forward to getting back into some sort of routine that allows me to get some work done, as I still have an article due August 15th and two course syllabi to prepare. No rest for the weary, right?