Monday, July 02, 2007

Crushed...Like a Bug

Well, my hubby single-handedly kaboshed my third-baby-sooner -rather-than-later dreams. I still had it on my mind when I got home Friday evening. The "in tune with me" man that he is, he could tell something was rattling around up there in that head of mine, but I kept it to myself. After taking H to meet Nana on Saturday (which begins her 3 week stay in Home State) and driving back, hubby and I had a quiet evening home with E. Once we all went to bed, I broke out with the goods. I could tell he wasn't terribly interested in having the conversation, but he was willing to hear my list of Pros and Cons. I explained that I certainly wasn't wanting to "try" try getting pregnant like we did with E. You know, the whole ovulation testing, temping, charting, crazy sex on peak fertility days process. That's a roller coaster that I'm quite happy not to get on again. I was thinking the "let it roll" method this time and not starting that until August or so. Then, Hubby had the kabosh point:

"We'd absolutely have to get a minivan" he said in the dark.

Oh yeah. Duh. Family of five - with two car seats - won't exactly fit in the 4-door sedan, and damn sure won't fit in the 2-door, 4-passenger other vehicle we have. Shit. Big obstacle. Completely practical obstacle. I can't believe I hadn't thought of this (thus showing how crazy I must be). I can just picture Hurricane H trying to squeeze past one of the car seats to sit in between a friggin bull in a china cabinet!

On the bright side, Hubby is super excited about the idea of a minivan - he's officially old! I despise them. I think they look like giant Hoover Dustbusters sucking the dirt from the roads. I swore I'd never own one. They're for church moms, young grandmas who garden, and soccer moms....Wait, H played soccer this Spring, so that makes me...aww shit.
There's no way out of this one. We certainly aren't in the position to spring for an SUV over the minivan. Hell, who am I kidding, we aren't in the position to spring for a minivan.

So there you have it. No sort of baby-making can be happening until the money has been saved for trading in on a minivan, or until we're making enough to cover the monthly payments on one. This one is obvious, so it's like my third baby wishes have scampered away into the darkness, knowing they've been defeated and that there's no point in putting up a fight.

I also respect something Hubby said while we were talking about this. He said he would have serious doubt about his ability to finish his dissertation if we were to have a third child before he was finished. Granted, he's a worryer and a pessimist in general, but I wouldn't want him to feel that much pressure or resentment or anything negative when it comes to a decision like this, so I accept his concerns. But I did try to explain the fact that he's not the one who has to worry about timing pregnancy weight (the showing factor) with the job market interviews, or maternity leave with a new job, each of which are also factors that I have to consider.

Thus we begin the Savings Campaign, and nothing but good can come from that, right?


wwwmama said...

Ouch. Sorry, I think? Well, maybe you'll win a minivan in a sweepstakes event or something. (Start visiting malls now and fill out those little cards)

I think I'm gonna post on that pregnancy issue during job market. It seems like one of those things that haunts women in academia, but is it really such a big issue, I wonder?

mgm said...

Hubby's response was great! It made me chuckle and I am right there with you on the mini-van thing. I despise them, too.

Our neighbors across the street had one baby who was barely walking when we moved in. Shortly after I had The Toddler (7months after we moved in), she started showing with Numero Dos.

When Numero Dos was barely a year (about 6months ago), they myseriously bought a mini-van. She is currently bursting at the seams with Numero Tres. And, it's funny . . . they are churchy people. Gone on Wednesdays, Sunday mornings, and Sunday nights, so it's funny you say they're for church moms.

Pregnancy in academia, job market or not, is a very interesting situation, and like wwwmama, I wonder if it is as big of an issue as I believe it is. Something to think about . . .

M said...

I too have been thinking about the timing of a second baby, but we haven't come to any definite decisions. After reading your posts, I initiated a similar conversation with C. We have both repeatedly said that we won't have another one until I'm finished with the diss. But then I wonder is it any more practical to have a child before I complete third year review? We came up with the same answer we did when we decided to try for S: we'll have a baby when it feels right for us. If we wait until the timing is perfect, S will never have a sibling.

And I too vow never to drive a mini-van. Keep in mind, I never said my family wouldn't have one: if we need one, we'll get it. C will drive it though!

AcadeMama said...

wwwmama: The sweepstakes idea is fantastic! I told hubby I'm entering everything I can find, and if we win, then it's a sign we should have baby #3!

madgradmom: I think pregnancy in academia, especially during the job market time, is a big issue actually. For example, if a woman is showing, it could instantly turn off a search committee that was otherwise impressed but not necessarily fond of spousal/partner hiring issues. Of course, there a many other scenarios, but I do think it has the potential to be a problem for some women, while it isn't at all an issue for men.

M: Even my doctor said at the last visit, there's no "perfect" time to have a baby. He told me about he & his wife having all 3 of their kids while he was still in med school, because he knew he wouldn't be on call like he is now. And the Hubby is *freakishly* excited about driving a minivan! After riding in my mom's fancy-schmancy Terraza, he finds them so comfortable, he doesn't care how they look :)

Literacy-chic said...

My son will officially be riding on the luggage rack come November. :(

ChicanaMama21 said...

Let's see: about to start my third year in my doctoral program, mom to a 3 and 2 year old, and found out last week I'm expecting my third... but I own a minivan! I like my minivan - it's spacious, handles like a car, and is good with gas. Also, when I'm in it I feel so subversive :)

I'm somewhat worried about how this kid will affect the process, but I'm just glad the director of my program had three kids in grad school. Also, my dissertation topic is Chicana motherhood and maternity, so I can just say that it's all for research purposes! HAHAHA!!! (Sorry, that's the pregnancy dementia)