The comments to my previous two posts have, as intended, had me thinking quite a bit more about my options--or lack thereof--in the current academic job market. Contrary to what most commenters seem to think is the best plan, I'm going to stick it out for at least another full academic year. Call me crazy, stupid, or just plain blind, but I'm basing my decision primarily on three things.
The first is that, contrary to "Linc's" comment that "Academia is, in the end, just a job," it is much more than that to me. It is truly a calling, a long-time goal, and the end result of the past 7 years of work, sacrifices in time away from family, and living in poverty. It is the thing that makes me happy to get out of bed and go to the office, to spend extra hours meeting with students, to work even when I don't need to or am not expected to (for example, now, when research and presenting at conferences are not in any way factored into my position). I honestly cannot imagine myself doing anything else.
The second reason driving my decision to stay the course is that, on average, it takes 3 years for newly-minted PhDs to land a tenure-track job. That's what I was told when I entered my graduate program, and that's what I witnessed in the job market process of several colleagues from my program. Linc further suggests that if I'm "not getting interviews this season—fresh PhD, publications, good teaching record, at least some jobs being advertised—it’s time to rethink the career path. Unless [my] appeal is about to dramatically change (e.g. your dissertation being reformulated as a book, but NOT just adding a new course taught or another article), [my] marketability is not going to change." I disagree with this. Each semester in my current position has offered a new course to teach, which has brought the opportunity for more learning on my part and more confidence in both my knowledge base and skill set. For example, by teaching Shakespeare and incorporating it into my research work, I'm able to more credibly call myself an Early Modernist, rather than a Restoration/18th c. scholar. In turn, this broadens the number of positions to which I'm able to apply.
The third reason I'm going to hang in there a bit longer is that this year sucked in terms of the number of jobs in my field. There were less then 30 in my field, and of those 30, a good number of them were at very prestigious schools, which are likely to only hire Ivy-pedigreed grads. Several of the other positions were somewhat narrow in their search. For example, the secondary specialty was poetics or digital humanities, or tapdancing, or some other subspecialty that wasn't a good fit for me. That doesn't mean I don't have a wide range of secondary interests, but rather that this year's positions were frequently looking for something else. It just wasn't a good year for my field.
I choose to be optimistic, to believe that something will work out, and that God has a plan for me. I can't imagine that He's brought me to this point--through graduate school in three different states, through 10 years of teaching, to the Middle East and back, to a wonderful advisor, to two very good publications and a dozen conference presentations--only to leave me unemployable in this profession. I could be wrong, and I may occasionally be down about the situation, but for now....I'm not out. I have lemons, and I choose to make lemonade!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Good News...Finally
Not one, not two, but THREE good things to come from one e-mail.
"Dear AcadeMama, would you be interested in teaching Shakespeare in the spring?"
Why yes, yes I would! This resulted in not one, but TWO Shax courses, which then resulted in an eliminataion of one of my comp courses--the 8:00 a.m. course!--huzzah!!
This news has me all sorts of giddy, but I'm also really nervous because a) it's been a long time since the Bard and I have been together and b) I don't want to screw this up. This does, however, how that I'm flexible and happy to teach a new course at the very last minute, and it will be great for my CV.
"Dear AcadeMama, would you be interested in teaching Shakespeare in the spring?"
Why yes, yes I would! This resulted in not one, but TWO Shax courses, which then resulted in an eliminataion of one of my comp courses--the 8:00 a.m. course!--huzzah!!
This news has me all sorts of giddy, but I'm also really nervous because a) it's been a long time since the Bard and I have been together and b) I don't want to screw this up. This does, however, how that I'm flexible and happy to teach a new course at the very last minute, and it will be great for my CV.
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Selling Out? Or, How Long Does One Wait?
This is the question: How long do I wait on trying to get a full-time academic job before I decide to get off the pot?
I live in an area where there are more schools (colleges, community colleges, universities) per square inch than probably anywhere else in the country. Theoretically, my chances are good that I would *eventually* land some sort of full-time position, though probably teaching comp classes. In the meantime, we cannot afford to live forever with me being employed only part-time. I've found out some good news, that I'll actually get to teach a summer course in my field, which is great! Unfortunately, the fall assignments have already been handed out, and I'm still down to two classes.
On one hand, I know that once Eliza is in school, that will free up about $500 a month. And then, a mere 2 1/2 years later, Amelia will be in school, and there's another $500 a month. Of course, by that point, we will surely have to actually purchase a new vehicle and take on a car payment (something we haven't had since the first year we were married). Will something come up during that time? Who knows...
On the other hand, I want things! I want to do things! I want to go out for dinner, take the kids to Disney on Ice, a movie matinee...I want to be able to buy lounge pants just because I like them and I could use them. We can't do those things on my part-time budget. When I have money, I don't feel the urge to spend it. When I don't have money, it really bothers me, I feel trapped, and I start thinking about jumping ship altogether.
Like, what if I could get hired at a drug company? Sure, I'd be selling out, but I'd have money, right? No, I shoud try to draw on my skills....wait, I don't think I can sell free-lance literary criticism. Okay, how about a middle ground? There's a full-time administrative assistant position open at the Planned Parenthood office in Nearby Big New England Town. That would still be something I'm passionate about. I've looked at local listings, and there are no part-time administrative positions that would allow me to keep teaching and stay active in academia. I could go back to the banking industry. Of course, any of the options that take me out of academia essentially mean that I can never go back. And what the fuck does that mean?
It means my heart breaking more than a little bit. It means feeling like I've let down my advisor and completely wasted her time, as well as the time of my other committee members. It means forever wanting to slit my wrists when I make that student loan payment every month. It means that I might as well shit all over that PhD I worked so fucking hard for. But really, isn't that what it might come to?
I live in an area where there are more schools (colleges, community colleges, universities) per square inch than probably anywhere else in the country. Theoretically, my chances are good that I would *eventually* land some sort of full-time position, though probably teaching comp classes. In the meantime, we cannot afford to live forever with me being employed only part-time. I've found out some good news, that I'll actually get to teach a summer course in my field, which is great! Unfortunately, the fall assignments have already been handed out, and I'm still down to two classes.
On one hand, I know that once Eliza is in school, that will free up about $500 a month. And then, a mere 2 1/2 years later, Amelia will be in school, and there's another $500 a month. Of course, by that point, we will surely have to actually purchase a new vehicle and take on a car payment (something we haven't had since the first year we were married). Will something come up during that time? Who knows...
On the other hand, I want things! I want to do things! I want to go out for dinner, take the kids to Disney on Ice, a movie matinee...I want to be able to buy lounge pants just because I like them and I could use them. We can't do those things on my part-time budget. When I have money, I don't feel the urge to spend it. When I don't have money, it really bothers me, I feel trapped, and I start thinking about jumping ship altogether.
Like, what if I could get hired at a drug company? Sure, I'd be selling out, but I'd have money, right? No, I shoud try to draw on my skills....wait, I don't think I can sell free-lance literary criticism. Okay, how about a middle ground? There's a full-time administrative assistant position open at the Planned Parenthood office in Nearby Big New England Town. That would still be something I'm passionate about. I've looked at local listings, and there are no part-time administrative positions that would allow me to keep teaching and stay active in academia. I could go back to the banking industry. Of course, any of the options that take me out of academia essentially mean that I can never go back. And what the fuck does that mean?
It means my heart breaking more than a little bit. It means feeling like I've let down my advisor and completely wasted her time, as well as the time of my other committee members. It means forever wanting to slit my wrists when I make that student loan payment every month. It means that I might as well shit all over that PhD I worked so fucking hard for. But really, isn't that what it might come to?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
A Post Wherein I Bitch...a Lot
Part of the reason I haven't been blogging much...okay, at all, is that I don't want this space to become a Bitch Journal. I don't want to be a blogger who does nothing but complain, criticize, and point fingers. Unfortunately, as job searches move forward--without me--I can't help but feel awful. Like, I'm a failure-sort-of-awful. Like, I'm the only person I know from my graduate program who hasn't landed a full-time job (not necessarily tenure-track).
I know the market sucks and that, in many ways, the entire search process isn't much more than a lottery. I mean this only in the sense that a candidate can do all the Right Things--present at national conferences, take advantage of years of teaching experience, have a SuperStar advisor, and even publish in solid journals--and it still may come to nothing in this market. This is not to suggest that those who land the mythical tenure-track job don't deserve it. Rather, I mean to point out (just like many others have) that the market is flooded with people who have done all the Right Things. So, while the pedigree certainly matters and can filter out the chafe from the wheat in the eyes of some search committees, the rest seems to be a coin toss. At least that's the view from my seat.
To add to this, I got my teaching assignment for next fall, and I still only have two fucking courses, and they're both comp classes!! I can't do this forever. WE can't do this forever. This living off of one full-time salary and my piddly-ass adjunt salary for two classes...we can't do it. And I only have so much patience. I just feel like I've worked too hard and been too poor for too many years to continue being a fucking indentured servant with no job security indefinitely.
Needless to say, I don't do well with uncertaintly. I have really, truly been doing my best to remember that I'm not in control of things. That God brought our family here for a reason, and that He has a plan for me. He has always provided for me, and I know He will continue to do so: God's timing is always perfect. In my head, I know this. But this hasn't been enough to calm the anxiety, curb the sadness, or dampen the resentment I feel at a department that does nothing to make adjuncts feel included, supported, or appreciated.
To make everything worse, I have made no friends here. Zero. Because adjuncts aren't given offices to share--we only get the rent-a-space for our allotted office hours each week--I don't even have the luxury of being on the same floor or in a shared space with other members of my department. I have literally only met two members of my department (other than the chair). Besides home and campus, the only other place where I spend time is at church for our youth group nights. Please, tell me, what the hell am I supposed to do to make friends in a new city/state at 35 fucking years old? I'm not asking for a BFF or anything, I just want someone I can grab a drink or lunch with occasionally. Someone to kvetch with when I've had a shitty day, and someone who wants to kvetch back. Is it me, or does this line of work *really* not lend itself well to social relationships?
I did get a request for a writing sample today, which came just at the right time. But then I poked around on the faculty pages and found that the school already has a VAP in field for which they're hiring, *and* ze does creative writing as well. This person just received the PhD this year, so my thinking is that maybe that's why ze only has a VAP position right now, but that essentially there is an inside candidate. So, forgive me for thinking I've got less than a snowball's chance in hell of this going anywhere.
Yes, I'm all sunshine and roses here folks. If you're looking for Susie Sunshine, let me know when you find her. Kthnxbye!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Catching Up
Here's some of what I've been up to...It's not an exhaustive list, but it's enough to give you an idea of why the blog went to the wayside.
- Hannah started a youth group at a local church. After attending with her the first couple times and meeting the other kids, I decided I wanted to get involved. Now, I'm a youth group leader. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be in this role, but I just couldn't not do something to contribute to the lives of these kids.
- I was told I might not have a job next semester. Then, about a week later, I found out that I still have a job, but my class load has been cut (by one course). Since I currently teach 3 courses, and one class has been cut for the spring, it basically means I've lost 30% of my income. If I think about this anymore right now, I'll start crying so...there you have it.
- Because of the above bad news, it made no sense to move forward with plans to remodel the kitchen. Instead, we spent a lot less money and hired a painter to finish stripping the wallpaper in the office and paint that room, our bedroom, and strip/prep/paint the hallway and stairway. Now, our entire upstairs is repainted and looks a million times better. I completely love the color of my office! It's a dark, teal green that you normally wouldn't think would look good, but with the white bookshelves, desk, etc., it really works well.
- My brother came for a one-night visit. Then, he met my Mom in a nearby town and they had their own little New England vacation. There was some drama associated with it all since my Mom had no plans to come visit my family, but ultimately I took the high road and whatever...
- Our youth group took a weekend trip to NYC--yay!! It happened the same week when I received papers from two classes--boo! Lesson learned.
- In addition to youth group, both Eliza and Hannah are participating in AWANA at the church every Tuesday night.
- My neck completely spasmed for almost two weeks straight. Between pain meds, steroids, and muscle relaxers, and trying to keep up with grading, I wasn't coherent enough to do much of anything.
- The good news is that Hannah got moved into Honors classes!! So far, we haven't had any problems, and I'm so proud of her. She came home the first day and said, "Mom, it's like the first day of school I never had!" She's doing so much better, thank God.
- The job market in my field absolutely blows. It is abysmal! Approximately 15-18 tenure-track jobs in my field, and many of them at schools that probably wouldn't even look twice at my application. It doesn't look good folks, and I don't know what the alternative is.
That's a fairly good idea of how crazy things have been. I'm hoping to get the rest of my job apps out this week, so that should free up some more time. And then, I'll need a place to vent, because unless something good happens with the job market, some big changes will need to be made.
- Hannah started a youth group at a local church. After attending with her the first couple times and meeting the other kids, I decided I wanted to get involved. Now, I'm a youth group leader. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be in this role, but I just couldn't not do something to contribute to the lives of these kids.
- I was told I might not have a job next semester. Then, about a week later, I found out that I still have a job, but my class load has been cut (by one course). Since I currently teach 3 courses, and one class has been cut for the spring, it basically means I've lost 30% of my income. If I think about this anymore right now, I'll start crying so...there you have it.
- Because of the above bad news, it made no sense to move forward with plans to remodel the kitchen. Instead, we spent a lot less money and hired a painter to finish stripping the wallpaper in the office and paint that room, our bedroom, and strip/prep/paint the hallway and stairway. Now, our entire upstairs is repainted and looks a million times better. I completely love the color of my office! It's a dark, teal green that you normally wouldn't think would look good, but with the white bookshelves, desk, etc., it really works well.
- My brother came for a one-night visit. Then, he met my Mom in a nearby town and they had their own little New England vacation. There was some drama associated with it all since my Mom had no plans to come visit my family, but ultimately I took the high road and whatever...
- Our youth group took a weekend trip to NYC--yay!! It happened the same week when I received papers from two classes--boo! Lesson learned.
- In addition to youth group, both Eliza and Hannah are participating in AWANA at the church every Tuesday night.
- My neck completely spasmed for almost two weeks straight. Between pain meds, steroids, and muscle relaxers, and trying to keep up with grading, I wasn't coherent enough to do much of anything.
- The good news is that Hannah got moved into Honors classes!! So far, we haven't had any problems, and I'm so proud of her. She came home the first day and said, "Mom, it's like the first day of school I never had!" She's doing so much better, thank God.
- The job market in my field absolutely blows. It is abysmal! Approximately 15-18 tenure-track jobs in my field, and many of them at schools that probably wouldn't even look twice at my application. It doesn't look good folks, and I don't know what the alternative is.
That's a fairly good idea of how crazy things have been. I'm hoping to get the rest of my job apps out this week, so that should free up some more time. And then, I'll need a place to vent, because unless something good happens with the job market, some big changes will need to be made.
Happy Birthday Eliza!
Chalk up my blog absence to an array of things (beginning of the semester, insane grading load, the need to get job apps out, and some travel). Nonetheless, today there's a great reason to get back into the blogging groove: it's Eliza's 5th birthday!!
We had her party yesterday, and it was fantastic because for the first time in more than two years, family was able to join us for the celebration. Hubby's parents flew in for the weekend, and we had a great visit with them. Even though none of the kids in Eliza's daycare class were able to make it (my fault, since I didn't get the invites out more than a week in advance), she enjoyed herself, and I was thankful that we got to share the time with family.
I am so proud to her Mama!! She's smart, beautiful, and imaginative, and I can't believe it's been 5 years!
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Middle School
I'm completely convinced that middle school for most of today's young people is 5 bazillion times worse than it was when I was younger...It is nothing short of pure hell, and I just pray that Hannah survives. I'm realizing now just how innocent, good, and naive she really is. That doesn't mean she's perfect. She tells lies to get out of trouble, she makes bad decisions, and she's often completely disrespectful to Hubby and I. But, in the end, she is a *good* girl. A *good* person, especially outside the walls of our house....especially at school.
She has NEVER misbehaved in a classroom or disrespected a teacher. Never. Ever. And she never would. Moreoever, she's never been in a classroom setting where backtalking the teacher, mouthing off in the back row, and generally being rude and disruptive on a regular basis is how some kids behave. And now, after two years of attending a wonderful school with top-notch standards, best learning/teaching practices, and fantastic facilities and resources, she has now been thrown into the lion's den.
On top of going through the repatriation process, which brings its own specific challenges, she's also going through the difficulties that come with a new school, town, etc. She's hypersensitive AND going through puberty, which means at least 50% of all her reactions to anything end up in a teary meltdown. I'm doing the best I can to be patient, understanding, and helpful to her during this transition. But, frankly, I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't know if the answers I have are even any good. And honestly, I'm going through my own repatriation/new town/new job issues, so part of me just wants to sit down and cry along with her!!
I don't know that I have a point here. I'm just hoping that if I keep getting things down in writing somewhere, I'll feel better, I'll think through things a bit more carefully, and maybe even some answers will magicaly appear. Is that too much to ask?
She has NEVER misbehaved in a classroom or disrespected a teacher. Never. Ever. And she never would. Moreoever, she's never been in a classroom setting where backtalking the teacher, mouthing off in the back row, and generally being rude and disruptive on a regular basis is how some kids behave. And now, after two years of attending a wonderful school with top-notch standards, best learning/teaching practices, and fantastic facilities and resources, she has now been thrown into the lion's den.
On top of going through the repatriation process, which brings its own specific challenges, she's also going through the difficulties that come with a new school, town, etc. She's hypersensitive AND going through puberty, which means at least 50% of all her reactions to anything end up in a teary meltdown. I'm doing the best I can to be patient, understanding, and helpful to her during this transition. But, frankly, I don't have all the answers. Hell, I don't know if the answers I have are even any good. And honestly, I'm going through my own repatriation/new town/new job issues, so part of me just wants to sit down and cry along with her!!
I don't know that I have a point here. I'm just hoping that if I keep getting things down in writing somewhere, I'll feel better, I'll think through things a bit more carefully, and maybe even some answers will magicaly appear. Is that too much to ask?
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