BOTTLEFEEDING SUCKS - PART II

(you'll need to read Part I to understand how I got here)

I went through 4 days of almost constant engorgement. I would wake up at night having soaked through 2 layers of breast pads, my bra, my shirt, and the sheets. I began to smell like rotten milk, and my breasts were so much pain I had to use the Vicodin Rx my doctor had given me at the hospital (which made me even more tired than I already was). I finally...my breasts finally dried up (I hate that term).

Now, here's why I hate bottlefeeding:

1 - Bottles are ALWAYS in another room; they're never where you are.
2 - They have to be washed and assembled EVERY day.
3 - They have to be toted along with you wherever you go (a problem if you're going anywhere for an extended period of time).
4- Bottles must be filled with formula that costs a shitload of money!
5- Formula must be mixed for the day every day (unless you're rich and you can afford the no-mix, ready-to-drink kind). Precisely measured and mixed.
6- Bottles have to be heated to a perfect temperature (not as easy as you'd think).
7- Bottles can be given to baby by anyone (I don't want just anyone to be able to feed my baby!).
8- Bottlefeeding requires (usually) both arms/hands: one side to cradle the baby, the other to hold the bottle, leaving no hands to do anything else with (I used to be able to actually eat while breastfeeding).
9- Bottlefeeding results in much more spit-up (and thus spit-up stains) and much stinkier poop (sorry, I really do have a super-sensitive stomach, even when it's my own child's poop).
10- Last but not least, bottlefeeding sucks because it's not what I wanted for my baby!!

This last reason is the most important one because this is an issue I'm STILL dealing with! It still breaks my heart that I couldn't continue nursing. I still feel guilty about not being able to do for one daughter what I did for the other. I'm still paranoid about every germ out there that she could possible come into contact with (as if breastfeeding would've provided some sort of magic shield against all illness). I'm still jealous when I hear my friends mention nursing their babies. I feel like this is a horribly unfair punishment to me on some cosmic level and - most of all - I don't know why I can't get over it.

BOTTLEFEEDING SUCKS - PART I

So here's my take on bottlefeeding. A little history first. I breastfed my first daughter for 6 months. We had a super minor latch-on problem at first, but fixed it in no time, and everything after that was cake! I truly enjoyed the experience, and she flourished physically and continues to do so. She wasn't sick once until she was around 6 months old, and only had 1 ear infection through her entire infancy, toddlerhood, etc.

When I conceived my second daughter (who's now just 6 weeks), I had planned to breastfeed again. I looked forward to doing it all over again, stocking up on all the appropriate equipment (pump, Boppy pillow, nursing bras and pads, you name it). I didn't anticipate any problems as I had already done this before, thus I knew what I was doing. Upon her arrival, the only breastfeeding problem we seemed to have was that she was rarely awake to eat! I mean, seriously, she was the picture of the ultimate sleepy baby. In the hospital, the nurses brought her to me every 2 hours and expected me to scrape the bottom of her bare feet with my fingernail in order to wake her up....only to have her fall right back asleep again once she latched on. Skip ahead...

A few days after we got baby home, I noticed that I had a line right down the middle of my nipples. They were sore, but not intolerable. I just chalked it up to initial soreness and kept nursing. Soon, the pain got worse. I called a La Leche League consultant, and she advised me on how to use the cross-cradle hold. This didn't work; it simply made the line cross a different way on my nipple. In addition, I noticed my nipples were starting to get cracked where they meet the areola. Not good...but I kept going, assuring myself that it would get better soon, and if not, then I'd call a lactation consultant.

By the time baby was a bit over a week old, I was almost in tears every time she latched on. This situation only added to the baby blues I was suffering from. I called a lactation consultant, and she couldn't even see me until the following day. When I went in, she said the damage to my nipples was bad enough that she was worried about mastitis, staph, etc., but she showed me how to use the football clutch and said my nipples should heal in 24-48 hours. The clutch was very difficult to use, but I nursed on, tears and all. 48 hours later, no healing. The cracks in my nipples would re-open every time baby nursed, and even when I pumped. The pain was so bad that I would break into tears every time I nursed, and I didn't see any hope for healing in sight considering that the pump re-opened the wounds as well. After MUCH wrestling with the situation, I felt like I was forced to give up nursing if I wanted to have any sense of normal mental and physical health. After 10 days, I switched to bottlefeeding my new baby, and I've HATED it ever since!