Tell Me if I'm Wrong Here...

I'm hoping that posting about this will help to take away some of the anger I have before I sit down to talk to my husband about it. As I've mentioned in the past couple of posts, yesterday was my oldest daughter's birthday. I may not have mentioned, however, that she's my child from my first marriage. So, technically, she's my husband's stepdaughter, but she calls him Dad (of her own volition) and has done so since we got married. They have a fantastic relationship and have several activities they participate in as father & daughter that I have relatively little to do with. My husband is from Philly, and all of his family still lives in that area, so our immediate little family (me, hubby, H, and baby) don't see them often, usually only once a year. His father is great; you really couldn't know a more laid back guy, and he's super kid-friendly. His brother, sister, aunts, and cousins are generally nice, I get along with them all just fine. His mother, however, is now officially on my shit list! (Note: she's been there before, but I keep forgiving and giving her the benefit of the doubt.)

She didn't even call to wish my daughter a happy birthday yesterday. No card. No nothing! And this is after my husband talked to her over the weekend and most likely mentioned something about the birthday weekend, the slumber party, something. She did the same thing last year, but my husband assured me that it was just because she was still adjusting to him being married to a woman with a child, someone who hadn't already been her granddaughter for 7 years. Okay... benefit of the doubt. He had a talk with her, reminded her of when H's birthday is, and let her know that we would definitely be expecting equal treatment - not step-grandchild treatment - for H in the future.

Luckily, H hasn't even realized her complete lack of thoughtfulness, sensitivity, or general concern. But, she will eventually, and when she does, her feelings will be very hurt. How do I explain this behavior to her? How do I get my husband to understand how I'm feeling without it seeming like I'm attacking his mother? What do I do when it's the baby's birthday and she treats that occasion differently? I don't think I'm being unfair to expect fairness, and I don't think I can be expected to continue to brush this aside and pretend like she doesn't continue to be hurtful and thoughtless to my daughter and I.