The Boy Situation: An Update

The Boy situation has been handled...at least, for now. On Thursday, I spoke with the afterschool program's assistant director and explained what had happened. I asked that the counselors make sure to keep an eye on H and The Boy during the free time they have on the playground. Since their interaction is limited to the afterschool program, the asst. director felt like it was their responsibility to contact The Boy's mother and inform her of the situation. After hearing this, and considering my usual Wait 24 Hours Before Making a Decision Policy, I decided to wait and see how their conversation with her went. As hubby pointed out, if The Boy's mother took my call the wrong way, there may be the risk of some sort of retaliation against H, especially if The Boy got in trouble.

Thursday evening, I sat H down for an informal talk while hubby was in the other room, hoping that his exclusion would help her feel comfortable to say whatever she needed to say. I didn't give her the chance to deny asking The Boy to "go out." Rather, I simply asked why she did it. She said, "Because I thought I was old enough." Yes. That's the best she had. I explained that she was indeed not old enough. Nowhere near old enough. Then, I asked her if she knew what kissing "French style" meant. Here's the exchange:

H: "I don't know."
Me: "Really? You don't have any idea? What do you think it might mean?"
H: "Maybe the way they kiss in France?"

Yeah, I'm not buying it either. If she knows - and there's a good chance she knows - she clearly wasn't comfortable talking about it. Or, she simply doesn't want me to know that she knows. Either way, just for good measure, I made several things clear:
1) she is no longer allowed to pass notes to The Boy

2) she should tell me or her dad immediately if The Boy says/does anything that is hurtful or inappropriate. This is the only way we can deal with the situation in a timely manner and find a solution

3) kids who are caught kissing in any "style" at school have major consequences.....like suspension, so this is clearly not a wise idea

4) talking to me about things like this is the only way I can help. As long as she's honest with me, we can work together to solve problems, and not telling me about this disappointed me and made me feel like she was trying to hide it.

The next day, I checked back with the ass. director. He reported that The Boy's mother was equally shocked...ahem, bullsh*t...and couldn't imagine where her son had even heard of such a thing....(Gee, I wonder...). She asked him to apologize to me on her behalf, explained that she'd be picking The Boy up extra early this week to allow some separation time, and requested that the counselors work to keep the two separated when possible. She also said that should I (or H) have any future problems with The Boy, to feel free to call her and let her know. This was exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for, so I was glad that I waited and let someone else make that call to her.

I know The Boy situation is larger than this particular boy. I know that sometime between now and the end of next summer, H and I will have "The Talk" because I want her to get that information from me first (the school shows a video in 4th grade). But for now, I'd like to enjoy a few more months of my child being a child, protected from all the details, conversations, and playground antics that work to sexualize children as young as 8 and 9 years old. I want to savor the time in which I'm the one she comes to with questions, problems, and concerns. The Boy situation will be much larger soon enough.

Guess What I Found!

This morning, as I was helping H get her backpack ready so we could get out the door, I stumbled upon what will now be known as The Note. Today is Crazy Hat Day at her school, which means children can pay $1 - the proceeds going to the American Cancer Society - to wear their favorite/most crazy hat to school. While she dug for $1 out of her piggy bank, I was putting her folders in her backpack. This required some cleaning out of the backpack. Removing a few loose papers, I noticed our home phone number written on a piece of paper. Looking closely, here is what I discover:

1st entry, in H's handwriting:
"Do you want to go out? My phone number is ***-****."

2nd entry, in someone else's handwriting:
"Yes. When we go on the field trip to the park do you want to kiss (French style)?"

Yes. You read this right. My 3rd grade daughter was not only asking a boy out on a date, but she in turn was solicited for some smoochy action!

I immediately asked her what the note was, and she desperately tried to explain that she didn't write the last part, that it was all The Boy's fault, and that she wasn't asking him on a date, but rather asking if his family would like to go somewhere with our family --- Yeah...bullshit on that last part!!

I then showed my husband the note, which he found quite amusing simply because of The Boy's word choice - "the French style" - and the fact that he'd put this in parentheses...I was not amused in the least. I explained to H that I would be calling The Boy's parents - both of them - as well as calling the after-school program she attends. Apparently, the field trip is associated with the scrapbooking club that H and The Boy are both members of.

Despite H's continued attempts to vehemently denounce The Boy's question - even the mere idea - this is obviously evidence that 3rd grade ain't what it used to be! Hell, I didn't even get my first "French" kiss until I was almost 14! I've talked to her about what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior with boys, and I've made it clear that there will be no "boyfriend" business at her age. Should I just face the fact that she's getting to the "boy crazy" stage? Should I be worried that even at 8-years old, she might be lying to me about what she's doing with boys? I don't want to make the mistake of overreacting, but I also want to prevent problems before they start. Do you think I'm out of line by calling The Boy's parents? Is it unreasonable to put her in a convent now?