I've decided to begin a series of posts that reflect my fears about going on the job market in December ('08). I have a list of fears already, but new ones emerge on what seems like a daily basis, especially now that I'm taking a Placement Seminar. Luckily, the seminar is given by a wonderful professor who just so happens to be on my committee! Also good is the fact that said professor isn't one to "sugar coat" things, so I generally feel like I'm getting honesty, truth, reality, whatever you want to call it. Some of the main goals for the seminar are that it will help students who plan to hit the market this Fall a) get an early start on preparing the required stuff for a dossier, b) get a "realistic" understanding of the market in all its glory & trauma, c) in turn, provide some extra time for faculty members who will be writing on behalf of these students.
My own goal in starting the List of Fears is to give voice to those fears, as some of them I may forget along the way or feel too stupid to bring them up in seminar or to my advisor. I'm also hoping that the occasional academic passerby on this blog might notice them and have some helpful advice, warnings, antecdotes, etc. I mean, it's always better to have multiple opinions right? Mainly, though, I'd like to come back to these reasons in October and not have some of them anymore. And for those that remain, I want to be able to directly address (not necessarily "fix") them somehow.
So, here goes:
(and the order in which these appear has no relation to priority...there all just fears)
#1 - The impending "Recession." There's no doubt that the mere talk of a recession will make academic finance committees cinch up their assholes as tight they can and ignore any needs for hiring new faculty.
#2 - I fear the sheer number of search committee members who may be put off by the letters "A" and "M" that appear in the name of the PhD granting university (despite the disconnect these letters have with the strength of my home department, or my committee members, or dare I say?, me).
#3 - I fear that my husband won't get offered a spousal hire.
#4 - I'm afraid I won't look good enough on paper to even get a request for additional materials, much less an interview at MLA.
#5 - I'm afraid that - should I actualy get a job - it will be in one of the areas I really don't see myself living in happily (i.e. the Pacific Northwest, California, the Northeast, the Northern Plains). Yes, I realize this is a large amount of space, but those places either scare me (for financial reasons) or just don't appeal to me in general.
#6 - I've very much afraid that - should I actually land an interview at MLA - I will come down with a horrible case of Diarrhea of the Mouth, babbling nonsensical jibberish in response to any and all questions from the search committee.
#7 - I'm afraid of (again, should I actually get an interview) *thinking* everything went well and they loved me, when the reality is they thought I was a total imposter and couldn't believe I ever made it out of Home State, much less to a graduate degree.
#8 - I'm afraid I'll just have no fucking clue how the whole MLA Thing works. Or, if I do, I'll forget it as soon as the plane lands in MLA State. (Yes, I do know it will be in San Diego this year.)
#9 - I'm afraid they'll just sense that I'm a Breeder (I use this in the same sense as Ariel Gore and Bee Lavender do in their collection of the same title). That is, I'm afraid I'll be seen as a less "serious" academic, feminist, teacher, etc. because I'm married with children, who are truly my number one priority.
#10 - I'm afraid all the time it takes to Be on The Market will significantly limit the time I'm able to spend finshing revisions on my dissertation. I like numbers. I want to know it will take X hours per week to do Job Stuff, which leaves X numbers avalaible for diss work.
Edited to Add: After reading the helpful comments Dara left, I realized I hadn't mentioned that, throughout the semester, everyone in the placement seminar will be developing, revising, and workshopping their letters of recommendation, vitaes, possible writing samples, etc. In addition, our wise placement coordinator continues to remind us that we should have as many eyes as possible reviewing our materials....This should make me feel better, shouldn't it? The fact remains that I'm just soooo incredibly insecure when it comes to my scholarly work.
Another Edit: San Diego? San Francisco? Same difference, right? My thanks to LD for bringing the faux pas to my attention. See what I mean people? I have reason to fear! (*So I'm compelled to explain that I confused the two because I was thinking of where the recent NACBS was held...if that counts for anything).
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Tips for the Teacher
Almost every semester, when I teach my Intro to Literature course, I find myself really drawn to Ralph Ellison's short story "Battle Royal." So, I assign it for my students to read, usually connecting it to their reading about symbols (literary, conventional, etc.). The problem is that I don't ever seem to know what to say about the story when we discuss it in class. It's almost like the story is too "heavy." Like it needs time to breathe or something. I usually manage just fine by giving students the agency to take the class discussion in whatever direction they choose, and we always read more than one story, but I don't feel like I'm "doing" anything effective with "Battle Royal." I'm certainly not doing it justice. For whatever reason, I have this weird feeling like I'm missing something important about how to teach this story. And because of this, I ask you - the few readers I have - what do you do if/when you discuss this story with students?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
What a Difference a Day (or two) Makes
After being Frustratingly Stuck on my current dissertation chapter for nearly a month, I finally had a breakthrough! I wasn't Brain Fart Stuck, but rather stuck in the sense of What the Hell Did I Think I Could Use This Play For??? While I thought I'd selected two great plays from two women writers that would work perfectly in this chapter, I re-read both pieces only to scratch my head and try to remember what it was I thought these plays could do for my project.
Play #1 didn't work at all.
Play #2 wouldn't fare much better.
Play #3 from one of the same writers was a loose fit.
So, back to the research. EEBO. ECCO. ESTC. And then...just when I thought I was running out of options, I found two plays that turned everything around. One of them is written by one of the writers that I'd already planned on studying, while the other play is writter under a pseudonym. Why is this important? Because it just so happens that Great Conference Across the Pond has the theme "Identity," and my advisor had long ago said that she thought I should submit a proposal. The deadline for proposals is this Friday. As of Monday morning, I had no idea what I could possibly propose. As of today, I not only found The Perfect Play to use for the conference paper proposal, but I also stumbled into a clear specific argument about the play, connecting it to the conference theme, AND I wrote and submitted the proposal!
In just three short days, I found the play that will work for the conference and my dissertation chapter, and I've already gotten some initial writing done!! Oh, the dam has broken, and it feels so good!
The cherry on top is that one of my committee members is considered Dr. Anonymity for the period. He's currently finishing a book on anonymous publication, but he's technically on leave this semester, so I wasn't sure if he'd be available to talk with me anytime soon. I sent him an e-mail explaining what I'd found and why the play works great for my diss, and he not only thinks it sounds like an interesting case, but he's also happy to meet with me next week to talk about the kinds of issues and questions I'll need to consider in terms of anonymous/pseudonymous writing in this area. Yay!! I just love, love the fact that all 4 of my commmittee members are actively publishing in the areas of my field that my dissertation considers specifically, and it sure doesn't hurt that they're all genuinely nice, supportive people.
Now, I just need for my kids to stay healthy so I can take advantage of all the work time I can get before the semester gets really busy (i.e. when students start turning in papers).
Play #1 didn't work at all.
Play #2 wouldn't fare much better.
Play #3 from one of the same writers was a loose fit.
So, back to the research. EEBO. ECCO. ESTC. And then...just when I thought I was running out of options, I found two plays that turned everything around. One of them is written by one of the writers that I'd already planned on studying, while the other play is writter under a pseudonym. Why is this important? Because it just so happens that Great Conference Across the Pond has the theme "Identity," and my advisor had long ago said that she thought I should submit a proposal. The deadline for proposals is this Friday. As of Monday morning, I had no idea what I could possibly propose. As of today, I not only found The Perfect Play to use for the conference paper proposal, but I also stumbled into a clear specific argument about the play, connecting it to the conference theme, AND I wrote and submitted the proposal!
In just three short days, I found the play that will work for the conference and my dissertation chapter, and I've already gotten some initial writing done!! Oh, the dam has broken, and it feels so good!
The cherry on top is that one of my committee members is considered Dr. Anonymity for the period. He's currently finishing a book on anonymous publication, but he's technically on leave this semester, so I wasn't sure if he'd be available to talk with me anytime soon. I sent him an e-mail explaining what I'd found and why the play works great for my diss, and he not only thinks it sounds like an interesting case, but he's also happy to meet with me next week to talk about the kinds of issues and questions I'll need to consider in terms of anonymous/pseudonymous writing in this area. Yay!! I just love, love the fact that all 4 of my commmittee members are actively publishing in the areas of my field that my dissertation considers specifically, and it sure doesn't hurt that they're all genuinely nice, supportive people.
Now, I just need for my kids to stay healthy so I can take advantage of all the work time I can get before the semester gets really busy (i.e. when students start turning in papers).
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Guess What Santa Brought Me!!
The best stocking stuffer ever.....a $700 bill for car repairs!
And I was lucky enough to get it after doing almost all of my holiday shopping! It just keeps getting better, doesn't it? (Note: the dripping sound you hear would be my sarcasm.)
And I was lucky enough to get it after doing almost all of my holiday shopping! It just keeps getting better, doesn't it? (Note: the dripping sound you hear would be my sarcasm.)
Saturday, December 15, 2007
No Rest for the Weary
Gosh, there's so much to catch up on here in the blog world. I've managed to read a few blogs here and there since we've been back, but other than that, I've been lucky just to keep my head above water. We got back last Saturday - back to our own little bubble - and enjoyed dinner out with friends, which left us Sunday to unpack, launder, and put away clothes, etc.
As Fate would have it, H started complaining of a really bad toothache on Sunday. I checked out her gums, and yep, two of her adult side molars had already cut through, despite the fact that the baby teeth were still there -- OUCH! An emergency dentist appointment on Monday resulted in 3 of her teeth getting extracted and $125 getting extracted from my wallet. On top of this, my students' final papers were due the next day, so you can just imagine how many of them were e-mailing me or wanting to meet for a conference to discuss revisions to their drafts. They really have no clue that I have a life outside of teaching them, do they??
On Tuesday, I turned my attention to revising a Statement of Research I'm submitting as part of an application to attend a faculty seminar at Big Early Modern Research Institute. It just so happens that the seminar topic is focused on some of the exact same questions that I investigate in my dissertation, and it's being directed by a scholar whose work is foundational to my project. This is all well and good, you see, except for one tiny thing: I'm not a faculty member. My university is part of the Institute's consortium, and they've occasionally admitted an advanced graduate student to a seminar, but it's a rarity. The Institute's Director reviewed my statement, however, and had lots of positive things to say with *no* recommendations for revisions, and I'll have two letters of recommendation from committee members who've led or will be leading seminars there as well, so I think my application packet is about as good as it can be right now. I'll hope for the best, but expect nothing....Keep your fingers crossed for me though!
H's medication had been taking effect, and we're generally quite impressed with the changes we've seen. Here is a sample of the new and improved H:
- on the flight back from Big NE Town, she did 4 homework sheets, back-to-back, on her
own! She searched the text to find answers by herself, she didn't feel the need to take any
breaks, and her work was accurate! I've NEVER seen her do work like that before; it was
simply amazing!
- when we got back last weekend, we let her invite a friend for a sleepover. This friend is one
she often bickers with quite a bit, because the two of them are a lot alike in some ways. This
time, though, H was willing to compromise with and even accommodate her friend on things
like which movie to watch at bedtime or whether or not to sleep with a night-light. Usually
when they argue, it's like WWIII and H is so sensitive that she gets her feelings hurt at every
little thing.
- She remembers what she's been asked to do!! When I ask her to go brush her teeth, she
goes right to the bathroom, brushes, and it's done. She doesn't get sidetracked by the
commercial on t.v. or her sister playing with a toy in the floor as she walks by. She
remembers what the task is and finishes it.
Now, this is not to say things are perfect. The one main issue we have now is The Wall: the period in the evening when her meds start to wear off (usually around 7:30). Because this is also the time when she finishes up homework, takes a bath, and gets ready for bed, The Wall effect has been a nightmare at times. Thursday night I ended up in tears in the bedroom because I was so spent after having argued/explained/tried to talk to her about a homework assignment. She didn't have any questions, and the task was very simple - write an introductory paragraph describing the special person you've chosen to write a story about - but nothing I said was what she wanted to hear. And worse, nothing much of what she said was making any sense. It's become a regular habit for her, during these Wall effect battles, to tell me she hates me, that I'm the worst mom ever, or that she wishes I weren't her mother. I know she can't control what she's saying. I know it's the meds wearing off, and I know she's sincerely sorry almost as soon as she hears the words come out of her mouth. Nonetheless, it hurts. It hurts every time, and it gets really tough to be patient and gentle and forgiving and pretend like it's okay.
There are obviously other medication options, but they each come with their own disadvantages (peaks and valleys, for example). She goes for follow-up visits to both the pediatrician and the psychologist this week, so I plan on talking with them both to see if a)this is something that can be helped at all by the meds and b)what kind of response to this behavior would be most effective. I can't believe that I'm just supposed to sit there and take it, but I also can't imagine punishing my child for something she has relatively little control over.
And just when I thought a Break was near, losing the past two weeks of dissertation work time - on top of Christmas week, when I'll have 2 sets of houseguests - means that there will be no Break for me. I'm ready to get back to work, but the thought of having no Break in sight is a bit depressing right now, because I really am tired. So tired.
As Fate would have it, H started complaining of a really bad toothache on Sunday. I checked out her gums, and yep, two of her adult side molars had already cut through, despite the fact that the baby teeth were still there -- OUCH! An emergency dentist appointment on Monday resulted in 3 of her teeth getting extracted and $125 getting extracted from my wallet. On top of this, my students' final papers were due the next day, so you can just imagine how many of them were e-mailing me or wanting to meet for a conference to discuss revisions to their drafts. They really have no clue that I have a life outside of teaching them, do they??
On Tuesday, I turned my attention to revising a Statement of Research I'm submitting as part of an application to attend a faculty seminar at Big Early Modern Research Institute. It just so happens that the seminar topic is focused on some of the exact same questions that I investigate in my dissertation, and it's being directed by a scholar whose work is foundational to my project. This is all well and good, you see, except for one tiny thing: I'm not a faculty member. My university is part of the Institute's consortium, and they've occasionally admitted an advanced graduate student to a seminar, but it's a rarity. The Institute's Director reviewed my statement, however, and had lots of positive things to say with *no* recommendations for revisions, and I'll have two letters of recommendation from committee members who've led or will be leading seminars there as well, so I think my application packet is about as good as it can be right now. I'll hope for the best, but expect nothing....Keep your fingers crossed for me though!
H's medication had been taking effect, and we're generally quite impressed with the changes we've seen. Here is a sample of the new and improved H:
- on the flight back from Big NE Town, she did 4 homework sheets, back-to-back, on her
own! She searched the text to find answers by herself, she didn't feel the need to take any
breaks, and her work was accurate! I've NEVER seen her do work like that before; it was
simply amazing!
- when we got back last weekend, we let her invite a friend for a sleepover. This friend is one
she often bickers with quite a bit, because the two of them are a lot alike in some ways. This
time, though, H was willing to compromise with and even accommodate her friend on things
like which movie to watch at bedtime or whether or not to sleep with a night-light. Usually
when they argue, it's like WWIII and H is so sensitive that she gets her feelings hurt at every
little thing.
- She remembers what she's been asked to do!! When I ask her to go brush her teeth, she
goes right to the bathroom, brushes, and it's done. She doesn't get sidetracked by the
commercial on t.v. or her sister playing with a toy in the floor as she walks by. She
remembers what the task is and finishes it.
Now, this is not to say things are perfect. The one main issue we have now is The Wall: the period in the evening when her meds start to wear off (usually around 7:30). Because this is also the time when she finishes up homework, takes a bath, and gets ready for bed, The Wall effect has been a nightmare at times. Thursday night I ended up in tears in the bedroom because I was so spent after having argued/explained/tried to talk to her about a homework assignment. She didn't have any questions, and the task was very simple - write an introductory paragraph describing the special person you've chosen to write a story about - but nothing I said was what she wanted to hear. And worse, nothing much of what she said was making any sense. It's become a regular habit for her, during these Wall effect battles, to tell me she hates me, that I'm the worst mom ever, or that she wishes I weren't her mother. I know she can't control what she's saying. I know it's the meds wearing off, and I know she's sincerely sorry almost as soon as she hears the words come out of her mouth. Nonetheless, it hurts. It hurts every time, and it gets really tough to be patient and gentle and forgiving and pretend like it's okay.
There are obviously other medication options, but they each come with their own disadvantages (peaks and valleys, for example). She goes for follow-up visits to both the pediatrician and the psychologist this week, so I plan on talking with them both to see if a)this is something that can be helped at all by the meds and b)what kind of response to this behavior would be most effective. I can't believe that I'm just supposed to sit there and take it, but I also can't imagine punishing my child for something she has relatively little control over.
And just when I thought a Break was near, losing the past two weeks of dissertation work time - on top of Christmas week, when I'll have 2 sets of houseguests - means that there will be no Break for me. I'm ready to get back to work, but the thought of having no Break in sight is a bit depressing right now, because I really am tired. So tired.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
When It Rains, It Pours: Thanksgiving Edition of RBoC
- On Tuesday, H had her interview with the clinical psychologist. After he finished, he said he was ready to make his diagnosis. He diagnosed it as a "classic" case of ADHD-Inattentive Dominant. We'll now see our pediatrician to discuss meds, then back to the Psych a couple weeks later for parent training (a weird name for what is basically a discussion of we - as a family unit - can help H be successful at home).
- My brother, who's 26, broke his nose for the second time earlier this week.
- This same brother found 2 testicular lumps, and the person in charge of reading the results of the ultrasound isn't back in the office until next week. (Note: my brother is currently in vet school on an island in the Caribbean, which isn't really the first place I think of when I imagine top-notch medical care).
- After waking from a 6-hour recuperative nap yesterday, my mom watched E while hubby and I went to dinner and a movie (No Country for Old Men...very good, very McCarthy, very much not the kind of narrative the people in Home State can get, much less appreciate).
- I've single-handedly gotten my mother (who previously rarely ever drank any kind of alcohol) hooked on this fabulous aperitif wine I had last weekend when hubby and I went out to celebrate our anniversary. On Thanksgiving Day, she had at least 3-4 glasses!!
- My brother, who's 26, broke his nose for the second time earlier this week.
- This same brother found 2 testicular lumps, and the person in charge of reading the results of the ultrasound isn't back in the office until next week. (Note: my brother is currently in vet school on an island in the Caribbean, which isn't really the first place I think of when I imagine top-notch medical care).
- After waking from a 6-hour recuperative nap yesterday, my mom watched E while hubby and I went to dinner and a movie (No Country for Old Men...very good, very McCarthy, very much not the kind of narrative the people in Home State can get, much less appreciate).
- I've single-handedly gotten my mother (who previously rarely ever drank any kind of alcohol) hooked on this fabulous aperitif wine I had last weekend when hubby and I went out to celebrate our anniversary. On Thanksgiving Day, she had at least 3-4 glasses!!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
By Request: The Superglue Story
By request of mgm (in a comment on my 7 things post), here's the infamous superglue story.
When I was 11, I was trying to open a tube of superglue - you know the kind with the plastic screw-off tip - while sitting in the living room recliner. I couldn't get the tip off with my hands, so I went to Plan B: using my teeth. Just as I was gripping the tip between my back teeth, my brother came around the corner, from behind the chair, and knocked into my elbow, thereby shoving the tube across my canine teeth. My canine teeth are somewhat pointy, so they easily pierced the tube of superglue, as it gushed through my mouth and the back of my throat---ugh!
I don't know whether it was the texture, the taste, or the mere knowledge of what was oozing around in my mouth, but my immediate reaction was to start gagging. It turns out that gagging is quite difficult when one's teeth are GLUED SHUT! My grandma was watching my brother and I at the time, so she called 911 and my mother, who rushed home and took me to the ER.
Alas, I lived. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
When I was 11, I was trying to open a tube of superglue - you know the kind with the plastic screw-off tip - while sitting in the living room recliner. I couldn't get the tip off with my hands, so I went to Plan B: using my teeth. Just as I was gripping the tip between my back teeth, my brother came around the corner, from behind the chair, and knocked into my elbow, thereby shoving the tube across my canine teeth. My canine teeth are somewhat pointy, so they easily pierced the tube of superglue, as it gushed through my mouth and the back of my throat---ugh!
I don't know whether it was the texture, the taste, or the mere knowledge of what was oozing around in my mouth, but my immediate reaction was to start gagging. It turns out that gagging is quite difficult when one's teeth are GLUED SHUT! My grandma was watching my brother and I at the time, so she called 911 and my mother, who rushed home and took me to the ER.
Alas, I lived. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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