You know.....the one I'm defending next week? Indeed, I'm defending a week from tomorrow, and it all feels very anticlimactic. Not sure why, but it feels like I should be really stressed and anxious, yet I'm not. I've been thinking about this project for years--literally--and I feel like I've always been thinking about the "so what" question in the back of my mind. In fact, the longer I worked on it and read the work in the field, the more clearly my work has distinguished itself in my mind. I still have an enormous amount of insecurity about it (I call it dissertation envy...How long is yours?), but I think I will forever be insecure about my work. But, insecure doesn't mean unprepared to answer questions.
Crazy as it sounds, I think I'm more excited about getting to see my friends and have some alone time with my Mom, who is driving down from Home State, than I am defending the diss! Being halfway around the world certainly adds some perspective as to what matters, and I can't wait to have dinner, drinks, and conversation with the people I miss the most!
Showing posts with label dissertation progress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dissertation progress. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Job Updates and Dissertation Progress
The bad: Despite feeling really good about how the phone interview went, Hubby didn't get a campus visit. He was bummed, I was bummed, but moving on. We continue to apply for everything under the sun, and I can't believe how many jobs are open in my home state. Seriously! If I were living in the U.S., I think I'd be a much more attractived candidate to pursue, but I strongly believe that our being halfway around the world is significantly hindering what few good chances we might have had otherwise. At this point, I feel like it's critical that we get back to the U.S. so as to make our job search as potentially successful as possible. While my department back on the main campus is committed to giving recent PhDs one year of funding as postdocs, Hubby's department cannot afford to make such a committment at this time. They basically told him, "You're on the list, but don't count on anything."
The good: I submitted my dissertation manuscript to my advisor this week!! She's going to review it quickly, then I'll have a week to make any minor/cosmetic changes before submitting it to the rest of the committee. While I feel like this is a major accomplishment, part of me is still waiting on someone to pull the rug out from under me and tell me what a fraud I am, that I'm not cut out for academic work, and that there's no way my dissertation is worth defending. I try to ignore that part of me when I can.
We've made peace with the increasing likelihood that we'll be staying in Doha for another year. It's not what we want, especially given some difficulties we've had living in our compound (an entirely different kettle of fish), but we can't return to the U.S. unless both of us are gainfully employed. For now, I grade papers, plan the rest of the semester, and think about a second project while waiting on the diss to return.
The good: I submitted my dissertation manuscript to my advisor this week!! She's going to review it quickly, then I'll have a week to make any minor/cosmetic changes before submitting it to the rest of the committee. While I feel like this is a major accomplishment, part of me is still waiting on someone to pull the rug out from under me and tell me what a fraud I am, that I'm not cut out for academic work, and that there's no way my dissertation is worth defending. I try to ignore that part of me when I can.
We've made peace with the increasing likelihood that we'll be staying in Doha for another year. It's not what we want, especially given some difficulties we've had living in our compound (an entirely different kettle of fish), but we can't return to the U.S. unless both of us are gainfully employed. For now, I grade papers, plan the rest of the semester, and think about a second project while waiting on the diss to return.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
It's Done (kinda)
Last Friday, I submitted a draft of my final dissertation chapter (chronologically, my first chapter) to my advisor. This means that I now have a rough draft of my entire dissertation (excluding a conclusion). On one hand, I still can't quite believe I did it. I wrote four chapters and an introduction, and this is a dissertation draft. Holy cow...
On the other hand, now I must turn to revision. I've already revised one of my chapters and received feedback on it from my advisor, so there are only minor changes to make to it. That leaves three chapters to be revised, some needing more extensive revisions than others (I hope). For example, I'm pretty sure chapter one, which is mainly a descriptive/survey chapter couldn't be so bad as to require major revisions. I mean, how badly can you screw that kind of chapter up?
Turning to my second chapter yesterday, I could already see where I'd gone wrong in certain sections; where I need to qualify my claims; where I need to clarify my argument; and where I need to cut/add deveopment. This is good, I suppose. I have a very good sense of what needs to be done to improve the chapter. The bad things is that I don't have a good way of prioritizing the revisions that are needed. Should I first explain why I'm using city comedies? Or, should I first deal with revisions to the biographical info about the playwright? Some might say that it really doesn't matter as long as it gets done, but that's not exactly the case. I think there are some revisions that you absolutely can't do without for the defense, and some revisions that can be tackled later, when revising it into a book manuscript. Sometimes the difference between the two is clear, other times not so much.
Anywho, I suppose there is a small reason to celebrate: Once I started writing, I wrote an entire draft of my dissertation in a year and a half. How long will the revisions take? Only time will tell.
On the other hand, now I must turn to revision. I've already revised one of my chapters and received feedback on it from my advisor, so there are only minor changes to make to it. That leaves three chapters to be revised, some needing more extensive revisions than others (I hope). For example, I'm pretty sure chapter one, which is mainly a descriptive/survey chapter couldn't be so bad as to require major revisions. I mean, how badly can you screw that kind of chapter up?
Turning to my second chapter yesterday, I could already see where I'd gone wrong in certain sections; where I need to qualify my claims; where I need to clarify my argument; and where I need to cut/add deveopment. This is good, I suppose. I have a very good sense of what needs to be done to improve the chapter. The bad things is that I don't have a good way of prioritizing the revisions that are needed. Should I first explain why I'm using city comedies? Or, should I first deal with revisions to the biographical info about the playwright? Some might say that it really doesn't matter as long as it gets done, but that's not exactly the case. I think there are some revisions that you absolutely can't do without for the defense, and some revisions that can be tackled later, when revising it into a book manuscript. Sometimes the difference between the two is clear, other times not so much.
Anywho, I suppose there is a small reason to celebrate: Once I started writing, I wrote an entire draft of my dissertation in a year and a half. How long will the revisions take? Only time will tell.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The "Work of a Historian" and The Final Chapter
Off and on since the end of July, I've been working on the last chapter of my dissertation. Chronologically it's the first chapter of the diss, and its main purpose is to survey the kinds of texts that were concerned with my specific topic prior to the period that I focus on. Early on, I considered this my "easy" chapter because, you know, how hard could it be summarize this material? All I had to do was read it, present it in a logical, coherent, and somewhat interesting manner, and viola...a full draft version of my dissertation! Yeah, not so much how that works.
It wasn't the job market stuff the slowed me down. It wasn't the fact that I was organizing a symposium. It had nothing to do with being pregnant, and teaching didn't take up any more time than it usually does. No, the *chapter* slowed itself down! For the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling like my husband, a PhD candidate in history who researched for two years before drafting a chapter! Some of the primary texts I had to go through were 100-200 pages, and I did my best to read them thoroughly, taking notes all the while, and this was just a sampling from about 1600-1725. Out of the hundreds of texts that were published and deal directly with my topic, I'm discussing 24-30 of them in this chapter. After more than two months of work, however, I had a mere 5 pages of writing, an outline, and tons of notes.
Time to see the advisor.
Fortunately, she put everything in perspective by explaining that I was no longer doing the work of a literary critic, but rather "the work of a historian." Uh...okay. I guess that does make sense. But, I'm not a historian, so I was a bit unprepared for this *kind* of work, and I think this is why I was taken aback. She said I'm doing everything right by being thorough, taking notes, pulling only the most interesting examples of texts, etc., and all this made me feel warm and fuzzy (a rare feeling to get from my advisor).
I guess the thing I'm still not sure about is how I feel about doing this kind of work. Technically, it is literary history. On one hand, I love finding some of this stuff because it's just hilarious! The titles are a hoot, the ballads are ridiculous, and what these texts "say" about my topic hasn't really been touched by anyone in the field. On the other hand, this kind of work can feel tedious, unproductive, and down right boring at times. I'm thinking that's just part of the job, and one eventually gets used to it.
Anyway, the meeting helped me feel better because it helped me understand why this kind of chapter inherently takes longer than those that function primarily as literary criticism. I don't feel like a dissertation loser anymore, and I actually have lots of notes to use as a frame for the draft. Looking at the holiday schedule, the dates we'll be travelling, MLA time, etc., I have 17 solid working days in which to finish this chapter. I have 7 pages drafts, and I anticipate the chapter being around 35-45 pages. For now, I'll be happy with 30-something.
The goal: to write 2 pages per work day and submit the draft - come hell or high water - on December 22nd. This is feasible, yes? Only if I stop blogging and get to work :)
It wasn't the job market stuff the slowed me down. It wasn't the fact that I was organizing a symposium. It had nothing to do with being pregnant, and teaching didn't take up any more time than it usually does. No, the *chapter* slowed itself down! For the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling like my husband, a PhD candidate in history who researched for two years before drafting a chapter! Some of the primary texts I had to go through were 100-200 pages, and I did my best to read them thoroughly, taking notes all the while, and this was just a sampling from about 1600-1725. Out of the hundreds of texts that were published and deal directly with my topic, I'm discussing 24-30 of them in this chapter. After more than two months of work, however, I had a mere 5 pages of writing, an outline, and tons of notes.
Time to see the advisor.
Fortunately, she put everything in perspective by explaining that I was no longer doing the work of a literary critic, but rather "the work of a historian." Uh...okay. I guess that does make sense. But, I'm not a historian, so I was a bit unprepared for this *kind* of work, and I think this is why I was taken aback. She said I'm doing everything right by being thorough, taking notes, pulling only the most interesting examples of texts, etc., and all this made me feel warm and fuzzy (a rare feeling to get from my advisor).
I guess the thing I'm still not sure about is how I feel about doing this kind of work. Technically, it is literary history. On one hand, I love finding some of this stuff because it's just hilarious! The titles are a hoot, the ballads are ridiculous, and what these texts "say" about my topic hasn't really been touched by anyone in the field. On the other hand, this kind of work can feel tedious, unproductive, and down right boring at times. I'm thinking that's just part of the job, and one eventually gets used to it.
Anyway, the meeting helped me feel better because it helped me understand why this kind of chapter inherently takes longer than those that function primarily as literary criticism. I don't feel like a dissertation loser anymore, and I actually have lots of notes to use as a frame for the draft. Looking at the holiday schedule, the dates we'll be travelling, MLA time, etc., I have 17 solid working days in which to finish this chapter. I have 7 pages drafts, and I anticipate the chapter being around 35-45 pages. For now, I'll be happy with 30-something.
The goal: to write 2 pages per work day and submit the draft - come hell or high water - on December 22nd. This is feasible, yes? Only if I stop blogging and get to work :)
Friday, July 25, 2008
The Green Light: Let the Chaos Begin
During a long meeting with my advisor yesterday, she gave me the official Green Light to pursue an opportunity for publishing a section of a dissertation chapter (the piece I presented at the England conference). This was both good and bad news. On one hand, she finally said "Yes, you should go for this!" It feels like I've been waiting forever to hear her say this, because she's consistently encouraged me to stay focused on writing and researching for the diss, rather than let myself get distracted with the business of writing, revising, and submitting for publication (even though I've had work solicited early in the process). This is also welcome news because it coincides with the choice of a writing sample. If I'm revising this work for submission to a journal, then it only makes sense to use it as my writing sample and thus kill the proverbial two birds with one stone.
On the other hand, this is the least polished chunk of writing in my diss right now. I revised it sufficiently for conference presentation, but a conference paper is 10 pages max, which means I need to significantly expand this section. Not just expand, but frame and contextualize it within the space of what comes before and after it in the longer project. Basically, A LOT of work is still needed. Also discussed was the quite full plate I've prepared for myself this fall: teaching, revising diss chapters, organizing symposium for working group, and steering committee work for a national conference we're bringing to campus, and...oh yeah, going on the job market. Knowing how much I love and need my timelines, plans, and schedules, my advisor simply wanted to give me the standard "We'll-do-our-best-to-stick-to-the-plan-but-be-prepared-for-the-plan-get-adjusted schtick." So maybe next May won't be the graduation date; maybe August is more reasonable, and I'm okay with that. I'm entering my fifth year, so I'm still on track...
Anywho, I have a writing sample to revise and job materials to develop, but I'd feel much better if I could get a draft of my final body chapter finished before the end of August and the beginning of my life being sucked away for the fall. I'm having a hard time determining what the reasonable expectations are that I should have for myself. I'm notorious for putting twice as much stuff on my to-do list as is humanly possible to accomplish, and I don't want to make myself any crazier than usual...bleh. No real point here, just trying to figure things out before passing Go.
On the other hand, this is the least polished chunk of writing in my diss right now. I revised it sufficiently for conference presentation, but a conference paper is 10 pages max, which means I need to significantly expand this section. Not just expand, but frame and contextualize it within the space of what comes before and after it in the longer project. Basically, A LOT of work is still needed. Also discussed was the quite full plate I've prepared for myself this fall: teaching, revising diss chapters, organizing symposium for working group, and steering committee work for a national conference we're bringing to campus, and...oh yeah, going on the job market. Knowing how much I love and need my timelines, plans, and schedules, my advisor simply wanted to give me the standard "We'll-do-our-best-to-stick-to-the-plan-but-be-prepared-for-the-plan-get-adjusted schtick." So maybe next May won't be the graduation date; maybe August is more reasonable, and I'm okay with that. I'm entering my fifth year, so I'm still on track...
Anywho, I have a writing sample to revise and job materials to develop, but I'd feel much better if I could get a draft of my final body chapter finished before the end of August and the beginning of my life being sucked away for the fall. I'm having a hard time determining what the reasonable expectations are that I should have for myself. I'm notorious for putting twice as much stuff on my to-do list as is humanly possible to accomplish, and I don't want to make myself any crazier than usual...bleh. No real point here, just trying to figure things out before passing Go.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Happy Dance-Worthy Dissertation News
This just in from my advisor regarding my most recent chapter, which was my first effort at a substantial revision: "it's solid"! She liked it, she really liked it! Enough so that there isn't even an end page of comments for further revision. Rather, she's indicated what she calls "quirky asides" and some suggestions for presentation/arrangement. The thing I'm focusing on right now is her comment that the chapter demonstrated a "confidence with what other scholars have previously argued, their readings, etc., while balancing my own convincing argument and evidence." The best thing about her feedback isn't that she liked it though, it's the fact that I had a "feeling" about this chapter when I submitted it. I really felt like it worked, like I'd addressed the most important issues raised by other critics and worked hard to select and work through the texts that were absolutely the best ones for my project, and that I'd paid attention to the critical stakes of my claims at both the micro and macrolevel. I wasn't sure I could trust my instincts, however, until reading what she had to say. Now, I think I can proceed with the *final* body chapter, intro, conclusion, and revisions and sort of know whether or not I'm doing what needs to be done. That is, I have a better grasp or understanding of what kind of work and time each step in the rest of the process will take.
Most importantly, of course, is a) this chapter can go forward to other committee members and b) my timeline for finishing next May seems completely achievable! This is one of those rare days when I actually believe I know what I'm doing and will walk out of this department next year with something called a PhD. Maybe even for the first time since beginning the dissertation, I really *know* I can do this. Holy shit this is cool!
Most importantly, of course, is a) this chapter can go forward to other committee members and b) my timeline for finishing next May seems completely achievable! This is one of those rare days when I actually believe I know what I'm doing and will walk out of this department next year with something called a PhD. Maybe even for the first time since beginning the dissertation, I really *know* I can do this. Holy shit this is cool!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
One More Down, and Some Breathing Room
One more dissertation chapter is finished!! Today I turned in my third (of four) chapters--woohoo! Because of the elimination of one of my set-up chapters, I'm actually a teeny tiny bit ahead of my summer schedule, which is good, because I can use the extra time. I leave for England in two weeks, which gives me a full week to revise my conference paper (already written) and prepare for the trip. The prep for this trip is made more stressful by the fact that I'll be gone during the 1st-of-the-month financial time. Bills must be paid, checks must be written out beforehand, and most importantly, Hubby will need to learn all the user ids and passwords for the various accounts that get paid online (something I don't want to be responsible for while travelling). Also, even though my mom is coming to spend time with E and H (and help Hubby should he need it), and I'm totally sure she could take care of everything, it would make me feel at easy to make sure the house is clean, the pantry is stocked, some meals are prepped, and a menu is already prepared and posted on the fridge before I leave. Yes, that's me, I'm a Control Freak, big surprise?
Anywho, I've decided to take tomorrow "off" kinda...I've gotta get some yard work done, some housecleaning done (seriously, I still have Thanksgiving decor sitting next to my desk!), errands to run, and I'm going to do a thorough cleaning of H's room. Despite tomorrow's full list of things to do, I still feel like it's a "break" from academic work, which I always need after working for 10 weeks on a chapter. The up side is that I think I may get to sneak off to the pool sans children and read from the new Supplemental Reading List my advisor developed for me. It's technically work/job market prep, so that's okay, right?
Anywho, I've decided to take tomorrow "off" kinda...I've gotta get some yard work done, some housecleaning done (seriously, I still have Thanksgiving decor sitting next to my desk!), errands to run, and I'm going to do a thorough cleaning of H's room. Despite tomorrow's full list of things to do, I still feel like it's a "break" from academic work, which I always need after working for 10 weeks on a chapter. The up side is that I think I may get to sneak off to the pool sans children and read from the new Supplemental Reading List my advisor developed for me. It's technically work/job market prep, so that's okay, right?
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Dissertation: Maybe a light at the end of the tunnel?
In my meeting with my advisor on Monday, she agreed that it makes perfect sense to cut my second chapter. Of course, I know that the material I'd planned to cover will still need to be very briefly mentioned in my introduction, but she agreed that the chapter wasn't crucial to my argument. This means very good things for my timeline. My project will have an intro, four body chapters, and a conclusion. Three of the four body chapters have been drafted, and one of them is currently under revision. The remaining body chapter is what I call my Easy Chapter because it's primarily a survey of the types of literature and texts (which also deal with the specific discourse I'm focusing on) to which the writers I study would have had access to and/or, in some cases, responded. I will provide some synthesis of this material to help readers get a feel for the major discussions, contributors, avenues and methods of production and circulation, etc., but my task is not to bring new light to them, as I do for the texts considered in my other three chapters).
Despite discovering that revision of a chapter is soooooo much harder than drafting a chapter, I'll be finished with revisions of my third chapter next Friday. This leaves me with two weeks off to prepare for my conference presentation and trip to England. When I get back, I'll have about five weeks to draft the survey-ish first chapter. According to this timeline, the beginning of August will find me with a mostly-complete manuscript draft (with the exception of the introduction and conclusion). I'll then have to turn to the following, but I'm not sure what order they should come in:
Despite discovering that revision of a chapter is soooooo much harder than drafting a chapter, I'll be finished with revisions of my third chapter next Friday. This leaves me with two weeks off to prepare for my conference presentation and trip to England. When I get back, I'll have about five weeks to draft the survey-ish first chapter. According to this timeline, the beginning of August will find me with a mostly-complete manuscript draft (with the exception of the introduction and conclusion). I'll then have to turn to the following, but I'm not sure what order they should come in:
- Preparing a writing sample for the job market
- Drafting either the introduction or conclusion
- Revising the first two body chapters my advisor has already reviewed
So which should come first? Do I head into them simultaneously?
In addition to these things, my advisor has decided to create a Supplemental Reading List for me to complete between now and December. Because my dissertation has taken me, quite unexpectedly, into the realm of Restoration and 18th-century drama by women, it's logical to assume that I might/should be expected/prepared to teach a course in early modern English theater. It's also to be expected that, upon reading about the women I study in my dissertation, a job search committee member might then say something like, "Well what about men's dramatic writing? What about Wycherly, Congreve, Farquhar, and Etherege?" These are questions to which I'll need to have very good answers, and the Supplemental Reading List (SRL) is designed to help with this.
On one hand, I'm thinking: Hey AcadeMama, you're doing okay. You've only been writing a year, and you've got more than 100 pages finished and 3 out of 4 chapters drafted! You can totally write a dissertation.
On the other hand, I'm thinking: AcadeMama, do you even know what a dissertation looks like? How the hell do you think you're going to pull this off? What if you don't pull this off? Then what? What if your advisor doesn't think your work is smart, sophisticated, or sufficient to earn you a tenure track position? What if other members want so many revisions that your Grand Plan to finish in May 09 is laughed at by everyone on your committee?
The thing is, I could totally keep going with stuff that's "On the other hand"... Though I'd had a sneaking suspicion of this all along, it was recently confirmed that my advisor is not the Praising-Nurturing kind of mentor, who gives you critical feedback but still somehow manages to make you feel like you're doing a really great job (if this makes sense). She's more like the Yes-You're Doing What You're Supposed to be Doing- kind of advisor. 95% of the time, I'm okay with that, now that I know that this is just her personality, rather than a reflection of my work, capabilities, or intelligence. But sometimes, like 5% of the time, I really wish I had that other kind of advisor. Sometimes, I just want a Scooby Snack and to be told that I've done better than "what I'm supposed to do." You know what I mean?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
What a Difference a Day (or two) Makes
After being Frustratingly Stuck on my current dissertation chapter for nearly a month, I finally had a breakthrough! I wasn't Brain Fart Stuck, but rather stuck in the sense of What the Hell Did I Think I Could Use This Play For??? While I thought I'd selected two great plays from two women writers that would work perfectly in this chapter, I re-read both pieces only to scratch my head and try to remember what it was I thought these plays could do for my project.
Play #1 didn't work at all.
Play #2 wouldn't fare much better.
Play #3 from one of the same writers was a loose fit.
So, back to the research. EEBO. ECCO. ESTC. And then...just when I thought I was running out of options, I found two plays that turned everything around. One of them is written by one of the writers that I'd already planned on studying, while the other play is writter under a pseudonym. Why is this important? Because it just so happens that Great Conference Across the Pond has the theme "Identity," and my advisor had long ago said that she thought I should submit a proposal. The deadline for proposals is this Friday. As of Monday morning, I had no idea what I could possibly propose. As of today, I not only found The Perfect Play to use for the conference paper proposal, but I also stumbled into a clear specific argument about the play, connecting it to the conference theme, AND I wrote and submitted the proposal!
In just three short days, I found the play that will work for the conference and my dissertation chapter, and I've already gotten some initial writing done!! Oh, the dam has broken, and it feels so good!
The cherry on top is that one of my committee members is considered Dr. Anonymity for the period. He's currently finishing a book on anonymous publication, but he's technically on leave this semester, so I wasn't sure if he'd be available to talk with me anytime soon. I sent him an e-mail explaining what I'd found and why the play works great for my diss, and he not only thinks it sounds like an interesting case, but he's also happy to meet with me next week to talk about the kinds of issues and questions I'll need to consider in terms of anonymous/pseudonymous writing in this area. Yay!! I just love, love the fact that all 4 of my commmittee members are actively publishing in the areas of my field that my dissertation considers specifically, and it sure doesn't hurt that they're all genuinely nice, supportive people.
Now, I just need for my kids to stay healthy so I can take advantage of all the work time I can get before the semester gets really busy (i.e. when students start turning in papers).
Play #1 didn't work at all.
Play #2 wouldn't fare much better.
Play #3 from one of the same writers was a loose fit.
So, back to the research. EEBO. ECCO. ESTC. And then...just when I thought I was running out of options, I found two plays that turned everything around. One of them is written by one of the writers that I'd already planned on studying, while the other play is writter under a pseudonym. Why is this important? Because it just so happens that Great Conference Across the Pond has the theme "Identity," and my advisor had long ago said that she thought I should submit a proposal. The deadline for proposals is this Friday. As of Monday morning, I had no idea what I could possibly propose. As of today, I not only found The Perfect Play to use for the conference paper proposal, but I also stumbled into a clear specific argument about the play, connecting it to the conference theme, AND I wrote and submitted the proposal!
In just three short days, I found the play that will work for the conference and my dissertation chapter, and I've already gotten some initial writing done!! Oh, the dam has broken, and it feels so good!
The cherry on top is that one of my committee members is considered Dr. Anonymity for the period. He's currently finishing a book on anonymous publication, but he's technically on leave this semester, so I wasn't sure if he'd be available to talk with me anytime soon. I sent him an e-mail explaining what I'd found and why the play works great for my diss, and he not only thinks it sounds like an interesting case, but he's also happy to meet with me next week to talk about the kinds of issues and questions I'll need to consider in terms of anonymous/pseudonymous writing in this area. Yay!! I just love, love the fact that all 4 of my commmittee members are actively publishing in the areas of my field that my dissertation considers specifically, and it sure doesn't hurt that they're all genuinely nice, supportive people.
Now, I just need for my kids to stay healthy so I can take advantage of all the work time I can get before the semester gets really busy (i.e. when students start turning in papers).
Monday, November 05, 2007
Random Notes and Catching Up
Last week was a bit of a blur as I conferenced yet again with H's teachers, re-read the novel I'm teaching (Roxana), evaluated about 20 rough drafts, prepared for and followed through with the obligatory Halloween festivities, and spent lots of extra time helping H with various homework-related tasks. For about four straight nights, I didn't go to bed before 1:00 a.m. --- this is in contrast to my usual 10:00 p.m. bedtime. What little time I had in between all of this was spent trying desperately to finish the draft of my first full dissertation chapter. So, by the time the weekend arrived, I was ready for some much needed vegetation (as in I was the vegetable). Thus, here are some random notes to catch things up:
- H's teachers were happy to report that they've been noticing some improvement already. She came home with almost all Bs on her homework grades last week, and she made an A on her continents & oceans test! Whether this is due to them moving her seat to avoid distractions, calling on her more frequently, or something H is now doing to stay more focused, I don't know. But, we've made several changes at home in our homework time protocol, and they've made an obvious difference.
- I've read quite a bit of Understanding Girls with ADHD, one of the few books on the disorder that focuses on girls and the inattentive type symptoms that H has. Let's just say that if I was upset, guilty, and sad before reading this, I can now add mad as hell to the list of emotions! Almost everything we know about ADHD is based on boys. That is, the symptoms, the diagnostic indicators, and even the forms given to teachers to fill out when they make referrals, are all based on the stereotypical hyperactive-dominant form that's most often associated with boys. In ways that seriously affect almost every aspect of their lives, from before diagnosis (if they ever get one) into adulthood, girls with ADHD face a dramatically different experience from teachers, some parents, and their peers. I could go on forever, but I'll stop by simply saying that more attention has to be paid to this issue NOW!
- Halloween was a hit...Lots of candy, cute kids in costumes, and everyone was still in bed on time :)
- I can happily report that my very first full dissertation chapter will, indeed, be finished this week! WOOHOO!! It's only a draft, but that baby will be done! I'm only a mere 4-5 pages away.....I can taste it.
- We meet with the clinical psychologist on Thursday. I've filled out all the paperwork, which included an 18-page health history form for H, and I'm anxious to hear what the "expert" has to say.
Now, those mere 4-5 pages call, so I return to them. More to come after the doctor's appointment Thursday.
- H's teachers were happy to report that they've been noticing some improvement already. She came home with almost all Bs on her homework grades last week, and she made an A on her continents & oceans test! Whether this is due to them moving her seat to avoid distractions, calling on her more frequently, or something H is now doing to stay more focused, I don't know. But, we've made several changes at home in our homework time protocol, and they've made an obvious difference.
- I've read quite a bit of Understanding Girls with ADHD, one of the few books on the disorder that focuses on girls and the inattentive type symptoms that H has. Let's just say that if I was upset, guilty, and sad before reading this, I can now add mad as hell to the list of emotions! Almost everything we know about ADHD is based on boys. That is, the symptoms, the diagnostic indicators, and even the forms given to teachers to fill out when they make referrals, are all based on the stereotypical hyperactive-dominant form that's most often associated with boys. In ways that seriously affect almost every aspect of their lives, from before diagnosis (if they ever get one) into adulthood, girls with ADHD face a dramatically different experience from teachers, some parents, and their peers. I could go on forever, but I'll stop by simply saying that more attention has to be paid to this issue NOW!
- Halloween was a hit...Lots of candy, cute kids in costumes, and everyone was still in bed on time :)
- I can happily report that my very first full dissertation chapter will, indeed, be finished this week! WOOHOO!! It's only a draft, but that baby will be done! I'm only a mere 4-5 pages away.....I can taste it.
- We meet with the clinical psychologist on Thursday. I've filled out all the paperwork, which included an 18-page health history form for H, and I'm anxious to hear what the "expert" has to say.
Now, those mere 4-5 pages call, so I return to them. More to come after the doctor's appointment Thursday.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Progress = Reward...I hope
Yay!!...I met my "quota" of pages (plus an extra one), so I get my "reward" of a blog post before I rush off to pick up E from the montessori. Indeed, part of my recent blog absence is due to other potential "rewards" for which I'm applying. Though I'm confident I'm forgetting something, here's an idea of what's on my plate:
Tonight: run to the store on the way home for much needed household goods; make dinner; take H to hip-hop class; grade tests to hand back tomorrow; balance checkbook and pray for money to mysteriously appear in the register; read/prep for tomorrow's class
Tomorrow: Revise proposal (see below)
Saturday: the deadline to submit my proposal to a panel at the National Conference of the main group for my area of study
Monday: I'll get my students' first essays to grade (yippee )
By October 2nd: finish Team Teaching proposal (which would give me the chance to teach a 300 or 400-level course with my advisor); finish application materials for 2 internal dissertation fellowships
By October 12th: write the conference paper I'm presenting on October 13th
**the travel required for the conference is me driving 6 hours to get H back to Home State for visitation with her natural father, then flying out of Home State capitol to conference location on a Friday, flying back to Home State capitol on Sunday in time to pick up H and drive back to College Town before E goes to bed that night...Oh yeah, my mom has just added to this the Great Idea that I should bring E with me and let her stay with my mom while I'm at the conference!***
By October 15th: finish application materials for external, national dissertation fellowship
By October 31st: submit full draft of diss chapter to advisor
Yes, I can tell there are many things I've forgotten... like meetings with students, getting the braces tightened, planning a lecture by an outside visitor for February, finding Halloween costumes for both girls .... but it would hurt my head to try to remember them all right now.
Cool Thing? H tried out for the choir at her school and made it!! Yep, she had actual competition. It's only open to 3rd and 4th graders, but that still means over 200 kids were eligible, and only 60 made it! And, according to H, "tons of kids tried out." So, kudos to H on her first musical success!
Also cool? E's new tooth has *finally* broken through, so maybe now she'll stop trying to use other babies as human teething toys at montessori (Sorry M!).
Tonight: run to the store on the way home for much needed household goods; make dinner; take H to hip-hop class; grade tests to hand back tomorrow; balance checkbook and pray for money to mysteriously appear in the register; read/prep for tomorrow's class
Tomorrow: Revise proposal (see below)
Saturday: the deadline to submit my proposal to a panel at the National Conference of the main group for my area of study
Monday: I'll get my students' first essays to grade (yippee )
By October 2nd: finish Team Teaching proposal (which would give me the chance to teach a 300 or 400-level course with my advisor); finish application materials for 2 internal dissertation fellowships
By October 12th: write the conference paper I'm presenting on October 13th
**the travel required for the conference is me driving 6 hours to get H back to Home State for visitation with her natural father, then flying out of Home State capitol to conference location on a Friday, flying back to Home State capitol on Sunday in time to pick up H and drive back to College Town before E goes to bed that night...Oh yeah, my mom has just added to this the Great Idea that I should bring E with me and let her stay with my mom while I'm at the conference!***
By October 15th: finish application materials for external, national dissertation fellowship
By October 31st: submit full draft of diss chapter to advisor
Yes, I can tell there are many things I've forgotten... like meetings with students, getting the braces tightened, planning a lecture by an outside visitor for February, finding Halloween costumes for both girls .... but it would hurt my head to try to remember them all right now.
Cool Thing? H tried out for the choir at her school and made it!! Yep, she had actual competition. It's only open to 3rd and 4th graders, but that still means over 200 kids were eligible, and only 60 made it! And, according to H, "tons of kids tried out." So, kudos to H on her first musical success!
Also cool? E's new tooth has *finally* broken through, so maybe now she'll stop trying to use other babies as human teething toys at montessori (Sorry M!).
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Where Have I Been?..You Might Ask?
Okay, so I'm sure nobody's really asking, but there are real reasons for my blogging absence of late. There are, as always, long and short versions, but because one of those reasons involves the likelihood of physical pain, I'll keep things short for now. Without further ado, the top reasons AcadeMama Hasn't Been Posting:
1 - A nasty neck injury/problem that arose out of nowhere a week from this past Saturday (7/21). This problem has since involved - among other things - 1 trip to the urgent care clinic, 1 bottle of Valium, 1 bottle of Vicodin, 2 visits to the chiropractor, 1 visit to the family physician to get referral to an orthopedic specialist, and 1 giant steroid pack. In short, sitting in front of the computer for a long time hurts. A lot. As does rocking my baby to sleep, bending down to hug H, trying to cook dinner, standing at the sink to *try* to wash bottles, etc.
2 - Lots of pain pills = very sleepy AcadeMama = more sleeping and less energy than usual.
3 - Prep work for meeting with Advisor last Friday, despite being in much pain and on much druggage. The end result, however, was fantastic. She told me that not only am I right on track, she'd call me "ahead of the game!" Seriously?! I couldn't believe it! After hearing that, I gave myself permission to not try to be at the office hovering over my books and taking notes for 7 hours straight, three days a week while recuperating from severe compression of three top vertebrae.
4 - H is back = me wanting to spend some quality time with her before she goes back to Home State to make the Grand Tour again. I rested up a few hours last week while she was at daycamp, then picked her up early and she and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie. We loved it! We shared the butteriest popcorn ever! The largest Coke they had! And even a box of Milk Duds! (None of this is the norm for our movie going practices...it was a special time for us).
5 - E is sick. She had a viral thing over a week ago that was really just a nasty cough. The pediatrician gave her some medicine, we rode it out, she got better, and we thought we were done. Not so much. She woke up yesterday morning with a fever of 102.9. It turns out the viral thing turned into a bacterial sinus infection, so the doctor put her on antibiotics, and it was a rough night last night. I was up until almost midnight, but the Greatest Daddy Ever took over after that. He literally slept on the couch with her all night, propped up at an angle so that it would be easier on her sinus drainage and breathing. He was up clearing her nose with the booger sucker about every hour and a half until 4:00 a.m., at which time her fever had come back, so he gave her more Tylenol and she was able to get a solid three and half hours of sleep. Did I mention he's the Greatest Daddy Ever? I just really heart my hubby these days! He's stepped up to the plate and taking care of everything he can, including both girls' swim lessons when they haven't been cancelled by rain :(
So, yes. Those are the top 5 reasons I haven't been posting. I'm hoping this steroid pack will do the trick on my neck, though, because a) there are lots of things on which I'd like to post, b) I miss reading all my usual blogs, and c) I really, really don't want to have to go see an orthopedic specialist....it just sounds scary...and expensive....and like something I just don't have the freaking time to do right now.
1 - A nasty neck injury/problem that arose out of nowhere a week from this past Saturday (7/21). This problem has since involved - among other things - 1 trip to the urgent care clinic, 1 bottle of Valium, 1 bottle of Vicodin, 2 visits to the chiropractor, 1 visit to the family physician to get referral to an orthopedic specialist, and 1 giant steroid pack. In short, sitting in front of the computer for a long time hurts. A lot. As does rocking my baby to sleep, bending down to hug H, trying to cook dinner, standing at the sink to *try* to wash bottles, etc.
2 - Lots of pain pills = very sleepy AcadeMama = more sleeping and less energy than usual.
3 - Prep work for meeting with Advisor last Friday, despite being in much pain and on much druggage. The end result, however, was fantastic. She told me that not only am I right on track, she'd call me "ahead of the game!" Seriously?! I couldn't believe it! After hearing that, I gave myself permission to not try to be at the office hovering over my books and taking notes for 7 hours straight, three days a week while recuperating from severe compression of three top vertebrae.
4 - H is back = me wanting to spend some quality time with her before she goes back to Home State to make the Grand Tour again. I rested up a few hours last week while she was at daycamp, then picked her up early and she and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie. We loved it! We shared the butteriest popcorn ever! The largest Coke they had! And even a box of Milk Duds! (None of this is the norm for our movie going practices...it was a special time for us).
5 - E is sick. She had a viral thing over a week ago that was really just a nasty cough. The pediatrician gave her some medicine, we rode it out, she got better, and we thought we were done. Not so much. She woke up yesterday morning with a fever of 102.9. It turns out the viral thing turned into a bacterial sinus infection, so the doctor put her on antibiotics, and it was a rough night last night. I was up until almost midnight, but the Greatest Daddy Ever took over after that. He literally slept on the couch with her all night, propped up at an angle so that it would be easier on her sinus drainage and breathing. He was up clearing her nose with the booger sucker about every hour and a half until 4:00 a.m., at which time her fever had come back, so he gave her more Tylenol and she was able to get a solid three and half hours of sleep. Did I mention he's the Greatest Daddy Ever? I just really heart my hubby these days! He's stepped up to the plate and taking care of everything he can, including both girls' swim lessons when they haven't been cancelled by rain :(
So, yes. Those are the top 5 reasons I haven't been posting. I'm hoping this steroid pack will do the trick on my neck, though, because a) there are lots of things on which I'd like to post, b) I miss reading all my usual blogs, and c) I really, really don't want to have to go see an orthopedic specialist....it just sounds scary...and expensive....and like something I just don't have the freaking time to do right now.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Back to Normal...Normal Craziness That Is
My birthday weekend was quite laid back and generally enjoyable. The good: I got to have lunch with my friend and her family; my hubby and I went to see Knocked Up (the funniest movie I've seen in years!); and I got a free birthday drink at a little spot where Hubby and I stopped for a drink on the way back from the movie. If I'd remembered that most places give free b-day drinks, we soooo would have skipped the movie! (Just kidding...the few drinks I did have were just enough to put me in dreamland once I hit the pillow.) The bad: not a single person called me on my birthday :( I had just talked to my mom the day before, so I'm guessing she thought that was good enough. But, yeah, that still leaves my step-dad, my read dad, and the in-laws. C'est la vie.
On the kiddo front, H will be making her Grand Return on Saturday! I'm taking her to see the new Harry Potter movies, as she and I made a pact before she left that neither of us would go see it without the other. I can't wait to have her back home, and I'm interested to see how E reacts to seeing her sister again.
On the dissertation front, things seriously couldn't be better. I had a breakthrough moment this week, in which I realized what will likely be the Main Thread of Argument my dissertation will be making. Prior to this, I'd simply taken my advisor's (and committee's) advice: "I'd find what I find." That is, you can't really "know" ahead of time what you're project will be arguing until you're well into it and the pieces of the puzzle start coming together. Things fall into place, and the argument reveals itself. Well, that happened on Monday, so I e-mailed my advisor with my New Major Idea to see what she thought. She gave me the much-desired pat on the head, saying that this was a critical decision for my project, one that couldn't have been foreseen, and that it will result in a "convincing and very original dissertation." As usual, I'm just really happy when one of my Big Ideas turns out to be good, so it's just icing on the cake when my advisor gives me the big ole' "Congratulations on the great idea!" response. She really has no idea how much I look up to her. She's actually from my Home State, which contributes to my esteem for her because...well, let's just say that I never heard or knew about women like her when I was growing up. Growing up in the country in Home State, I never knew that being a college professor was something I could do in life.
Now back to the craziness that is life with two kids and two dissertations. Both H and E start swimming lessons next week. Those last for two weeks, and then H will go make to Home Start for another visit (just 2 weeks this time). She'll come back with one week left before school, during which time I'm hoping I can schedule some one-on-one math tutoring with one of her former teachers. She lost a lot of her basic math facts skills over 2nd grade as a result of having a teacher who emphasized reading and prepping for the 3rd grade's standardized test. Before she moves on to multiplication tables, etc., she's GOT to get a strong hold on those basic math facts. I'm counting on the chemistry she had with the previous teacher to help her regain some of those skills before school starts.
On the kiddo front, H will be making her Grand Return on Saturday! I'm taking her to see the new Harry Potter movies, as she and I made a pact before she left that neither of us would go see it without the other. I can't wait to have her back home, and I'm interested to see how E reacts to seeing her sister again.
On the dissertation front, things seriously couldn't be better. I had a breakthrough moment this week, in which I realized what will likely be the Main Thread of Argument my dissertation will be making. Prior to this, I'd simply taken my advisor's (and committee's) advice: "I'd find what I find." That is, you can't really "know" ahead of time what you're project will be arguing until you're well into it and the pieces of the puzzle start coming together. Things fall into place, and the argument reveals itself. Well, that happened on Monday, so I e-mailed my advisor with my New Major Idea to see what she thought. She gave me the much-desired pat on the head, saying that this was a critical decision for my project, one that couldn't have been foreseen, and that it will result in a "convincing and very original dissertation." As usual, I'm just really happy when one of my Big Ideas turns out to be good, so it's just icing on the cake when my advisor gives me the big ole' "Congratulations on the great idea!" response. She really has no idea how much I look up to her. She's actually from my Home State, which contributes to my esteem for her because...well, let's just say that I never heard or knew about women like her when I was growing up. Growing up in the country in Home State, I never knew that being a college professor was something I could do in life.
Now back to the craziness that is life with two kids and two dissertations. Both H and E start swimming lessons next week. Those last for two weeks, and then H will go make to Home Start for another visit (just 2 weeks this time). She'll come back with one week left before school, during which time I'm hoping I can schedule some one-on-one math tutoring with one of her former teachers. She lost a lot of her basic math facts skills over 2nd grade as a result of having a teacher who emphasized reading and prepping for the 3rd grade's standardized test. Before she moves on to multiplication tables, etc., she's GOT to get a strong hold on those basic math facts. I'm counting on the chemistry she had with the previous teacher to help her regain some of those skills before school starts.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Good Things do Happen
Unfortunately, these days I actually have more ideas for blog posts than I have time to blog. But, I'd like to stay committed to the blog, at least one post a week, because it's just a useful process for me. A few good things have happened recently, and they couldn't have come at a better time.
First, a panel that I'd proposed for a conference this fall was accepted - yay! Even better, I've already got panelists, and I've already got my paper drafted. The best part is that this conference is the same conference I attended a few years ago, at which time my paper was solicited for publication by one of the co-editors of a really good journal in my field. I got his card, remember him, and I'm totally hoping to run into him again in the fall. My Grand Plan is to be able to say to him "Remember how I said that paper was part of a larger project? Well, it is: my dissertation. And it just so happens that I've got a chapter right here for your review should you like to take a look-see at it." Yes, a bit dramatic and wishful thinking of me, but I'm thinking ahead.
Second, I just had a fantastic meeting with my dissertation advisor! She liked the draft "chunk" I'd given her; she thinks I'm right on target in terms of progress on the diss; more importantly, she thinks my project is coming together "quite nicely." Alas, I am a complete slave to her approval and positive reinforcement. Truth is, I want to be her when I grow up.
In terms of the dissertation, though, I'm extremely insecure about my writing and my ideas, so I'm never really convinced that I'm doing good work until I hear "someone else" say that I am (not just anyone, of course). I've been stressing lately about just getting something down, getting some writing done, just to see if it's on the right track. I've got about 40 pages or so, which isn't much. It's nowhere near what I'd hoped to have done by now. But, I've realized that measuring my productivity in terms of how many pages I got done each day, week, month wasn't working for me anymore. After talking with my advisor, I've realized how unrealistic my goals were to begin with, and I've come up with a different strategy for measuring my progress. I also asked her if I could start coming in for more frequent meetings - every 3 weeks - which I think will help in terms of working out ideas more clearly before they hit the page and realizing the kinds of framework I have to provide for my readers (like I hadn't really thought out the differences in addressing the performance of dramatic works vs. addressing the text of published dramatic works; do I speak of viewers or readers?).
What I originally thought could be one chapter that would cover three early modern women writers is now becoming two (possibly three) chapters. A big difference considering I has hoping to have the chapter done by the end of the month --HA!
But I'm much more comfortable in the process now. I feel like as long as I'm researching for this chapter and staying focused on what else I may need to know to continue drafting, I'm doing pretty well.
I'm doing so well, I think I'm going to go to the gym. This is a desperately needed activity right now.Like, I won't wear shorts outside the house (except to the gym) - despite the fact that the heat index is 100 degrees - until the jiggly-bits of cottage cheese are eradicated from my legs. Seriously, my thighs have more hail damage than a used car lot, and it just shouldn't be this way. I'm not fat or anything, but I'm seriously out of shape. Enough body-hating for now. Enough dissertating for the week. If I'm ever going to take my daughters to the pool this summer, I've got to sweat away the dimples, so I'm off!
First, a panel that I'd proposed for a conference this fall was accepted - yay! Even better, I've already got panelists, and I've already got my paper drafted. The best part is that this conference is the same conference I attended a few years ago, at which time my paper was solicited for publication by one of the co-editors of a really good journal in my field. I got his card, remember him, and I'm totally hoping to run into him again in the fall. My Grand Plan is to be able to say to him "Remember how I said that paper was part of a larger project? Well, it is: my dissertation. And it just so happens that I've got a chapter right here for your review should you like to take a look-see at it." Yes, a bit dramatic and wishful thinking of me, but I'm thinking ahead.
Second, I just had a fantastic meeting with my dissertation advisor! She liked the draft "chunk" I'd given her; she thinks I'm right on target in terms of progress on the diss; more importantly, she thinks my project is coming together "quite nicely." Alas, I am a complete slave to her approval and positive reinforcement. Truth is, I want to be her when I grow up.
In terms of the dissertation, though, I'm extremely insecure about my writing and my ideas, so I'm never really convinced that I'm doing good work until I hear "someone else" say that I am (not just anyone, of course). I've been stressing lately about just getting something down, getting some writing done, just to see if it's on the right track. I've got about 40 pages or so, which isn't much. It's nowhere near what I'd hoped to have done by now. But, I've realized that measuring my productivity in terms of how many pages I got done each day, week, month wasn't working for me anymore. After talking with my advisor, I've realized how unrealistic my goals were to begin with, and I've come up with a different strategy for measuring my progress. I also asked her if I could start coming in for more frequent meetings - every 3 weeks - which I think will help in terms of working out ideas more clearly before they hit the page and realizing the kinds of framework I have to provide for my readers (like I hadn't really thought out the differences in addressing the performance of dramatic works vs. addressing the text of published dramatic works; do I speak of viewers or readers?).
What I originally thought could be one chapter that would cover three early modern women writers is now becoming two (possibly three) chapters. A big difference considering I has hoping to have the chapter done by the end of the month --HA!
But I'm much more comfortable in the process now. I feel like as long as I'm researching for this chapter and staying focused on what else I may need to know to continue drafting, I'm doing pretty well.
I'm doing so well, I think I'm going to go to the gym. This is a desperately needed activity right now.Like, I won't wear shorts outside the house (except to the gym) - despite the fact that the heat index is 100 degrees - until the jiggly-bits of cottage cheese are eradicated from my legs. Seriously, my thighs have more hail damage than a used car lot, and it just shouldn't be this way. I'm not fat or anything, but I'm seriously out of shape. Enough body-hating for now. Enough dissertating for the week. If I'm ever going to take my daughters to the pool this summer, I've got to sweat away the dimples, so I'm off!
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