Reflections

I finished revisions on my essay for the edited collection last week, so half of my research/writing-related goals for the summer are accomplished. I feel really proud of this piece not only because it constitutes the first academic writing of mine to be published, but also because I began the project on my own. That is, it's been entirely self-driven rather than being directed by my advisor or other mentors. My interest was peaked, I saw an opening for exploring the subject, I did the research and the writing, and I completed the work before I ever sent it to my advisor for feedback. This, in itself, is an accomplishment for me, because I'm very insecure about my academic work. In fact, I was almost in tears with the editors read my final essay and responded that they thought it was "groundbreaking." Really?! "Groundbreaking." I almost wanted to ask if they were reading the right essay. Honestly, I don't think the essay is groundbreaking. Or, if it is, I certainly can't articulate why or how. But my reaction to their response is what's most telling.

Friends, I'm a Praise-Seeker. There, I said it.

I'm not a Praise-Seeker in the sense that I want everyone to tell me I'm wonderful and a genius and my work is brilliant. No, not that kind. Rather, I'm of the praise-seeking sort that, unless someone says something positive about my work, I will most likely think it's crap. I *need* someone else--preferably someone smarter, older, wiser, and much more senior--to tell me my work is good, worth doing, or contributing something original to the field in order to fell somewhat confident about the work I do. I'm quite certain that this is a horrible fault to have, especially in academia. My advisor explained clearly while I was dissertating that, if one seeks external reward or reinforcement to prove that one's work is worthy, then that person will most often be disappointed. I have tried my best to keep this in mind, primarily by making myself think about the value of my work to the field as I develop it. That is, constantly reminded myself to make it clear in my writing why X topic is worth studying, exploring, etc.

And now I move on to the next project, revising an article for publication in a good journal in my field. I chose not to follow the advice of my advisor, a committee member, and several other colleagues, each of whom recommended that I try for a top-tier journal and then work my way down if it didn't get accepted. Since I was on the job market last year, it was more important that I just get something accepted in a reputable, peer-reviewed journal. And, I did! Is it the Best Journal in the Field? No. Is it respectable, well-known, and credible? Absolutely! And the editor, who I got to meet at this year's ASECS, is very lovely, also well-known, and good friends with my advisor. So, there are connections formed that could turn out to be important in the future.

This second essay has also helped demonstrate to me (especially from the reader reports) that other scholars are interested in my book project. Generally speaking, they think the topic timely, the theoretical framework original, and the research solidly done. This bodes well for revising my dissertation into a book, and it just so happens that the publisher for the edited collection is also the same publisher for which I think my book would be a good "fit." I have a plan for the revisions, which I hope to complete over the next academic year, and I have an editor contact in the publishing company.

All good things on the work front...Now I just have to decide, between now and October, if I want to do a full run at the job market (full run meaning a national job search, as opposed to looking only in the New England area where we'll live). I fear that decision will be difficult to say the least.

Second Try Worked!

The original proposal I sent in for an ASECS panel did not get accepted, but within an hour, I had it revised and sent it off to a proposed roundtable, and it was accepted--yay! So, with the exception of actually landing a job, I have accomplished 2 of my 3 professional goals for the academic year:

1) Get something accepted for publication
2) Get something accepted for ASECS

Go team!

This past week has been really rough because Eliza started her new school...like an official school. It's an international school based on the British curriculum system. Most of the students are either Dutch or American, but she'll still be gettting Arabic lessons, so I hope she remembers something from the spring. She's got the uniform (which is darling!), the school-issued bag, PE kit, and everything. I love the school and her teacher, and it will be a great experience for her. The only downside is that she has to be there by 7:30 a.m.!! ACK! I know, I know...lots of parents have to drop their kids off at this time to be at work by 8:00, but it's been a heck of a long time since *I've* been one of those parents, so it will take some adjusting. Anyway, lots of sleep deprivation and trying to figure out how to balance the research needed to complete this essay, get grading under control, and apply for jobs has ensued. I've finished all but a few of my job letters, and I think I have a plan for scheduling each type of "work": 1 day job stuff, 1 day of all teaching stuff, and 3 days of solid research & writing. More realistically, this means some of my grading will have to come home with me on occasion, but I've done that before, so no big deal.

I'm Getting Published!

Woohoo!! The proposal I submitted to an edited collection on a non-dissertation-related topic has been accepted for publication! Very exciting, considering the proposal I submitted for the ASECS panel did not get accepted (but I'm trying out a second option there).

Anywho, totally excited about getting published, especially with a good press, but I'm already feeling the stress of the fact that a) the essay has yet to be written and b) there is a deadline--eek. I don't know how much time is usually given for these things, but they want my essay by January 31st, because the senior editor at the press wants to move quickly on the collection, having it out/published in 2012. So, I have approximately 3-4 months to complete the research for and write this 20-25 page essay...in addition to preparing all the job letters, materials, etc. I can do this, right? I have to do this!

I'm doing this!

Post-Dissertation Productivity: Or, One of the Perks of My Job

Now that the dissertation is finished, I am able to fully realize what is likely the biggest benefit to this job (second, perhaps, to the money): TIME!

I am scheduled to teach 2 classes each semester. This semester, one of those classes has only 2 students enrolled. Despite all logic and normal operations of any university, the powers that be are requiring that this course continue to be offered. So, I have made this class as easy on myself and the students as possible, and suffice it to say that this class takes up less than 2 hours per week of my time. My other class, a basic intro to rhet/comp class, is made up of 12 students. I have taught this course many times over the past 9 years, so there is little prep to be done. The time spent is on reading, commenting on, and grading papers. Since there are only 12 students, though, this is a fairly quick process, leaving me with plenty of time to concentrate on my own work: preparing job market materials, researching, and revising.

Thus far, I've already submitted an essay proposal for an edited collection, and I just submitted a paper proposal for an ASECS panel. The panel organizer is a graduate student I met a couple years ago at a conference in England, and I talked with her again at the 2009 ASECS conference, so I'm hoping (maybe foolishly) that she'll remember me and think "Oh yes, she's a smart person with good ideas...of course I'll accept her paper." Doesn't really matter, because I'm going to the conference whether the proposal is accepted or not. I have also significantly revised my teaching philosophy after noticing some weak spots, reflecting on my experience teaching abroad this past year, and reading some damn fine teaching statements from other people in the field.

The only major task I have yet to finish up is revising my writing sample/journal article submission. I have about 10 things I need to address, change, develop, etc. and then it will be ready to go. It feels so good to be able to choose what I want to work on each day, and it feels even better having the time to get finished what needs to be finished. I know that I'm lucky in the sense that most people do not have this experience as lecturers or graduate students going on the market, and I just hope that the extra time I'm spending on crafting a strong job letter, teaching statement, etc. will pay off in the form of a job!

Oh, by the way

I GRADUATED!!

I really, truly did it...I don't think I believed 100% that it would happen until I heard them call my name. It was a very bittersweet moment because my advisor, quite unexpectedly, wasn't able to attend and hood me. Instead, my department chair stood in, and it was fine, but my advisor was sorely missed. I wish I could post pics, but none were taken. At least none by my family. I'm sad about this...They didn't want to stay for the entire 2+ hour ceremony (and I don't blame them), so Hubby to the little ones back to the hotel, and my Mom took my oldest daughter back as well. After the ceremony, there I was, all decked out in my hood and gown, with nobody to snap a shot. Le sigh. There was a professional photographer there on behalf of the university though, and I'm supposed to get an e-mail letting me know how to access the photo taken of me getting hooded.

None of us wanted to come back to Qatar. Check that. Eliza wanted to come back because she missed all her things, specifically her books (yes, just like her Mommy and Daddy). After 3 days on the road in three different hotels and a long day (and night) of both domestic and international flights, we finally returned safely to Doha, where our skin will now melt off our faces because of the heat. OMG the HEAT!!

I'm woefully unprepared for this semester's classes, but I shall take care of the shortly. The house is still a disaster area of unpacked things, and Eliza has taken out and played with nearly every toy, book, and craft she owns. She then proclaimed, "I love it here, and I don't ever want to go back to America!" For her, America equals the loss of her stuff (for it won't all fit in the suitcase). We explained that when we move back to America, all of her things will come with us.
Everyone's still trying to get their sleep schedules back to normal. I've been up since 3:00 a.m., and I know I'll pay for it later this evening. Hannah had a successful first day of 6th grade, despite being incredibly scared, anxious, and excited all the same time. I pray that she'll continue to do well, and I know much of her potential rests on my ability to help her get/stay organized at home (her bedroom, backpack, etc.). We still have lots to do over the next few weeks, so blogging may be light (like it isn't already?)....But I really want to blog more this semester, mainly to chronicle the job search process and hold myself to my academic goals of writing, revising, and submitting work.

RBoC: The Stateside Edition

• I cleared the thesis office a while ago...this means that the only thing standing between me and my PhD is..oh yeah, nothing! I shall be hooded by my advisor next month, and my biggest challenge will be to keep from crying like an idiot in front of everyone.
• I don't want to leave and return to Doha. Please don't make me go!
• The job market season is fast approaching and this alternatively makes me nervous and terrified. There is one job that recently openend out of the blue, and it's in my field, t-t, and it's in an area that would be really good for Hubby's research. It's also at a school where I think I'd be a pretty good candidate (based on the profiles of their current English faculty). It's hard not to get my hopes up, but seriously, I'd absolutely love it if, by some miracle, they pursued me as a candidate, hired me, and the girls and I could just move there and set up shop while Hubby went back to Doha and supervised the packing of our things! I know that sounds horrible and completely unprofessional and makes me look like an awful employee. But, just like over Christmas break, being back home has made me realize how much I really, really, truly don't like living in Doha. Can I tolerate it? Yes, of course, but primarily because my kids are happy and that makes most everything/anything tolerable. But, am I happy? Not really... Am I happy back here in the U.S.? Hell. Freaking. Yes. That doesn't mean life is perfect here, but it's OMG a thousand times better for a thousand different reasons. Case in point, my mother was recently hospitalized and my dad couldn't get out of work to be with her after they admitted her. Because I'm here, I was able to drive down, stay with her, and help care for her while she was in the hospital for two days. Thank God I was here...but what if it had happened while I was in Doha? It would have killed me to not be able to see her and be with her while she was sick.
• I'm working steadily and on schedule to meet the goals I set for getting out a revised article and a proposal for a collection of essays and the annual conference in my field of study. Go team! :D
• Hubby and I are taking a "Job in the U.S. or Bust" approach to this year's job market. This is to say that we are coming back to the U.S. after the 2010-2011 school year, whether we have academic jobs or not. This is ballsy, I know. This could involve all sorts of added stress as we apply to EVERYTHING we're qualified for, but it's what we have to do in order to optimize our chances of landing academic jobs, even if they're short-term.
• Sometimes I feel like there must be something wrong with Hubby and I because it seems like we're the only couple who really don't like being in Doha. We continue to hear how other expats from the US "love the adventure" and are "cherishing" everything about the culture, and we just look at each other like, "What are we missing? Is it just us?" Don't get me wrong....sometimes you can talk to someone who's lived there (or in the area for many years), and they can give you a laundry list of things they've grown to hate over the years. I guess it just feels, occasionally, like people are telling themselves how much they love it, over and over, so that they'll eventually believe it. Or, maybe Hubby and I are just crazy...who knows.
• Did I mention I don't want to go back? Yeah, I don't.

I'd like to announce

...Dr. AcadeMama.

The defense was neither easy nor was it a lovely conversation. It's only just now sinking in that I've done this thing, and I haven't yet felt any sense of pride or relief. I am hoping those things come at some point though.

Remember When?

Remember my first post? This all started as a result of one of dissertation committee member's suggestions to write soon after my oral exams in order to reflect on the experience, etc. Well, I'm still reflecting - on all kinds of crap. I've just had two of the best days in terms of academic progress that I've had in a while:

- I produced real, actual dissertation writing!! I officially have a chapter in the draft stage, and I've started adding on to my proposal, as my director has told me it's absolutely suitable for becoming my dissertation introduction.
- Another graduate student and I have now co-founded a working group for Early Modern Studies, for which many faculty members and graduate students have already signed up! We'll have funding from several sources to support bringing in outside speakers, in addition to presenting works-in-progress of our own.
- I was invited by my dissertation advisor to speak (as the Centlivre expert) in her Fall class on female British playwrights of the Restoration. Not really an expert, but I'll have lots and lots of Centlivre knowledge to contribute, and it's a line on my CV!
- I got another line on my CV by volunteering to act as the Graduate Student Representative to the faculty on the hiring of a job candidate--just finished that presentation by the way--whew, I still get nervous in front of all those faces. So many people who are so unbelievably smart!!
-Aaaand, I just had a meeting with my advisor about some of the primary sources I'm using for my dissertation and some of the initial reactions, claims, questions, I'll be including in my current chapter. The meeting went very well!! She said that I'm finding all the "things" I'm supposed to find....I'm asking all the right questions...and I'm making straightforward arguments that will be even better supported once I read more material in the area. (Note: I don't think I've ever mentioned what I'm actually writing my dissertation on/about. I'm studying the ways in which women in the late 17th & early 18th centuries participated in various discourses of credit [like paper credit, which would include bank notes, bills, accounting records, letters that function as IOU's, all kinds of stuff]).

Long story...well, still long, it's been a great past couple of days, and I'm thankful for it. I'm still in a really good "zone" in terms of my dissertation work now, and that's a feeling I haven't had in a while. Now if I could just get the funding awards that I'll need to do the needed travel to England in the Fall and buy the books I need, I'll be in fan-freaking-tastic shape!! (I just realized I used the word "need" way too many times in that sentence....it's all I can do not to edit it...)