The good fight is over....Day 4
So I found out on Monday (Day 4 of relactation efforts) that it would cost $55/mo plus $80 for the kit to rent the pump needed to continue the relactation process. This is honestly not in our household budget, especially at this time of the year. Not to mention that this would completely elide the closeness that I'd normally be sharing if I could actually nurse my baby at the breast, and the cost for the pump is only part of it. I'd also have to continue the medication ($30/mo) and herbs ($20-$40/mo). There are just too many factors riding agains me at this point, so I've decided to make my peace with not being able to breastfeed my baby.
My husband asked me if I'd be "okay" with it this time, or if I'd continue thinking there was something else I could've done. I can truly say that this time, I gave it my best shot. The baby doesn't seem to be any worse for the formula feeding. She's 7 weeks old and almost 12 lbs, and our schedule thus far has allowed us to keep her at home, away from germs, viruses, etc. while she builds up her immune system. I don't know if I'll ever be completely guilt free about it, but I certainly feel like it's out of my control at this point. And though I hate it when things are out of my control, I'll just have to deal with it....this one time...
5 comments:
You've taken extraordinary measures--and motherhood is never guilt-free. We're always blaming ourselves or questioning ourselves for something. And as I learned the hard way, breastfeeding does not prevent illness or guilt. I hope that you know that you're a great mom and your girls are lucky to have you. And you've got me when you need a friend.
Ditto :)
I agree with Sarah and Supa--you've done all you can. I like to be in control of things too, but as a new mom, I'm learning there are lots of things that are out of my control. I think you should feel good knowing you've done all you can to make it work.
Sarah, Supa, and M:
Thank you for the kind words!This blogging thing has turned out to be more helpful than I ever would have imagined :-)
This has been a deeply moving story to watch from afar, and you have all my sympathies in the struggle. I think that all the breastfeeding hype makes it difficult to remember that it isn't the end-all and be-all of good motherhood. Good motherhood goes far beyond breastfeeding, as it's clear you already know . . .
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