Back....after baby..
Okay, baby has arrived. Well, arrived a while ago - October 23rd actually. And now I'm back to work. Except something is different this time around. After my first daughter (who's now 7) was born, I couldn't wait to get back to work (she was 6 wks. old). My mom had quit her job to stay home at take care of the baby so that I wouldn't have to deal with the daycare nightmare (which I couldn't have afforded as a then-single mother anyway). I had the best of both worlds: a job that resulted in a paycheck and relatively free childcare that gave me total peace of mind. Not the case this time around....
Our newest arrival just turned 6 weeks old, and my husband (also a PhD candidate) and I are sharing the childcare duties equally. He works the first half of the day, then comes home to be with baby while I go to campus for the rest of the afternoon. This seems to working okay, except that here I am blogging instead of working on my dissertation research. And I really LOVE what I'm working on for my dissertation. But, I find myself still thinking about the baby (not worrying, just thinking) and how much I will detest having to send her to daycare in the Spring. I know this is a necessary evil if I actually want to earn my PhD, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I'm terrified the daycare workers won't hold her immediately when she cries, try everything to console her, sing to her like I do, or let her quietly study all the beautiful things she can see when looking out a window. They won't be ME. And I'm scared that some sort of negative impact will exist for my baby because they aren't me.
I try to keep reminding myself that millions of parents have their babies in daycare, even when they're as young as my baby is now (a situation I couldn't even conceive right now!), and that these babies remain healthy and happy. But do they? How do I know for sure? I don't have any close friends with children older than mine to offer as proof that babies who go to daycare from a very early age are just as healthy, happy, and well-developed as babies who stay home with a parent or private caregiver. I hope I'm just being silly or over-emotional (that still happens a lot these days), but I keep thinking there must be some difference in the outcome for these children. Say it ain't so...
3 comments:
Welcome back, AcadeMama! I'd say that being able to focus on *anything* other than your 6-week-old baby right now is pretty impressive. And the need to put your child in daycare is a heartwrenching one--there's no getting around that. There's also no getting around the fact that the daycare workers simply cannot give your child the same attention that you do--logistics make it impossible. But you can (and should) expect them to care about your child and do their best to make sure that she is as happy as possible while Mama is away.
I'm fortunate in that I can walk over to visit Supadiscobaby very easily--which I do everyday at noon to nurse him. It really helped with MY transition to daycare. If your chosen center is not as conveniently located to your workspace, you can at least keep lots of pictures of her sweet face nearby to keep you company until it's time to pick her up.
As for an example of the positive effect of daycare, I think that Mommy, PhD's daughter, RB, is a great one. She really seems to be thriving, and she's been in daycare since she was VERY small. :) And based on my own brief experience sending my child to a daycare center, I can say that I really appreciate my time with Supadiscobaby in a way that I perhaps wouldn't have if we were together all day, everyday. He gets our undivided attention every evening until he goes to sleep--and our ability to do this is due to the scheduled work time we use while he is in daycare.
So, try not to worry too much, finish your Diss, and give both of your daughters all of the love you can--while saving something for yourself, too.
Hi, AcadeMama! I wanted to visit that link you posted about discrimination on one of MommyPhD's blog, but the URL cut off. Can you post it here or email it to me: leann0330 at gmail dot com? Thank you!
For Leann (& others)--Here's (hopefully) the right URL for the post from Layne on the "motherhood penalty):
http://layne.vox.com.
Post a Comment