Yeah, so I'm a bit terrified. Today's the first day of classes, and I'm team-teaching a senior seminar course on Aphra Behn with my advisor. She could teach this in her sleep. She could teach this blindfolded with her hands tied behind her back. I, however, have no fucking clue what I should be doing. I know what I usually do when I teach, but this may not be what she considers "good teaching", so what if she hates it? What if she thinks I'm an incompetent boob who shouldn't be allowed near English majors? What if my normally great rapport with students falls short because they see that she is clearly the Queen Bee, and I am the lowly graduate student who wants to be a professor when she grows up. Yes, I'm all in knots about trying to figure out how much I should prepare for the days when my advisor is leading class, and how much/if I should alter my normal teaching style to address seniors.
I usually start class off by offering some guiding questions or issues to discuss and then I sit back and let the students take it from there. After this, I just "direct traffic" and let them determine what direction the class discussion should take. My worry is that my advisor will see this approach as lazy or unchallenging. Agghh...I kinda want to vomit right now.
Adding to this, I can't even take pleasure in watching any of the inauguration coverage because I'm so hormonal I start tearing up as soon as see the images of history being made. I don't mean just a little bit of watery eyes, either, I mean full-blown cry.
And it gets even better (well, actually worse)....it turns out that the last surgical procedure I had on my neck last May?? Well, its effects have worn off. I found this out after waking up last Tuesday morning with near immobilizing pain. The neurologist admitted that the information I'd been given last year, about the surgery lasting anywhere from 6 months to 2 years, was inaccurate. Instead, he said that 6 months to 1 year was more like it...big fuc&*ng difference Doc!! The best he could offer was trigger-point injections of anasthesia, which would numb the area and buy some time for the steroids to work. Just a little FYI: trigger-point injection fucking HURT!! Seriously, I was screaming and crying and wishing I'd just gone back home! It felt like someone was stabbing me repeatedly with a knife in my neck. I'll NEVER go through those again!
On top of the neck issue returning and the general lower back/sciatica pain that comes with pregnancy, it also looks like I may need a root canal! I woke up with a bad toothache on Sunday, went to the dentist yesterday, and the x-ray showed what looked to be an abcessing tooth. So, off to the endontist I go. Let's see, how many doctors do I have now: general physician; obstetrician; dentist; orthodontist; peridontist; endontist; neurologist. Seven doctors. At 32 years old, I should not have seven doctors unless I have some sort of terminal illness. I just feel like my body is failing me, and it sucks. I'm going to start a pre-natal yoga class on Saturday, which I'm hoping will help with both the neck and back pain and generally help me to feel a little more mentally and physically balanced. I've never done yoga, so I'm not sure what to expect. We'll see how it goes...things have to get better though, right?
Showing posts with label scary needles in my neck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scary needles in my neck. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I Hurt
For the love of God, I. Hurt. So. Bad.
Evidently, this is good news to the neurologist, as they can only determine the success of today's procedure if I'm having significant pain beforehand. That is, this will allow them to say either "Yes, see, now the pain is gone, and RF treatment is the next step" or "Huh? You still hurt? Well, back to the drawing board."
This pain is not good news for me. In order to save on gas money, I came to campus with hubby and have been working on my diss throughout the morning (rather than wait at home and have him drive across town to pick me up and take me back across town to the doctor's office). Because I'll be under anasthesia, I can't drink anything and I couldn't eat anything this morning. Without food, I can't take the steroids. Because they want me to be in pain, I couldn't take either the pain meds or the muscle relaxers. And, as if this weren't enough, I had an orthodontist appointment yesterday, where they added a second wire to my top braces (yes, two wires working in tandem) and tightened my bottom wire. So really, I wouldn't be able to eat anything without pain even if I was allowed. Today just sucks all the way around.
Sorry to bitch, but there's more. A long post will soon come regarding H's friendship with her best friend being pretty much terminated by best friend's mother (it's a long story). Last night found me trying to comfort a devastated H, who didn't understand what an "unhealthy friendship" means or why her best friend was being taken away.
My blog is ususally not a whine-fest, but there just wasn't a way out of this one.
Evidently, this is good news to the neurologist, as they can only determine the success of today's procedure if I'm having significant pain beforehand. That is, this will allow them to say either "Yes, see, now the pain is gone, and RF treatment is the next step" or "Huh? You still hurt? Well, back to the drawing board."
This pain is not good news for me. In order to save on gas money, I came to campus with hubby and have been working on my diss throughout the morning (rather than wait at home and have him drive across town to pick me up and take me back across town to the doctor's office). Because I'll be under anasthesia, I can't drink anything and I couldn't eat anything this morning. Without food, I can't take the steroids. Because they want me to be in pain, I couldn't take either the pain meds or the muscle relaxers. And, as if this weren't enough, I had an orthodontist appointment yesterday, where they added a second wire to my top braces (yes, two wires working in tandem) and tightened my bottom wire. So really, I wouldn't be able to eat anything without pain even if I was allowed. Today just sucks all the way around.
Sorry to bitch, but there's more. A long post will soon come regarding H's friendship with her best friend being pretty much terminated by best friend's mother (it's a long story). Last night found me trying to comfort a devastated H, who didn't understand what an "unhealthy friendship" means or why her best friend was being taken away.
My blog is ususally not a whine-fest, but there just wasn't a way out of this one.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Does it hurt here?
Saturday night the neck pain returned. With a vengeance. I was up from 2:00 to 5:00 a.m. just crying from the pain as Hubby lay there next to me in bed. I had nothing but a heating pad and a Tylenol 3 for the pain, and neither were doing any good. It was only about 6 weeks ago that I had my last episode, so I really started worrying about the increased frequency, along with the issue of an upcoming pregnancy that would pretty much bar me from getting all hopped up on steroids, pain pills, and muscle relaxers.
Sunday morning I called the answering service for my general physician, and the on-call doctor called in scrips for each of the usual medicines, then I spent the rest of the day - Hubby's birthday - laying on the couch with the heating pad, drifting in and out of sleep. I felt like shit for not being able to wrap my husband's birthday gifts, hold E, or play with H in the front yard, but I was in severe pain.
Both my general physician and my neurologist are stumped as to why my disk pain episodes are occurring with increased frequency. It's not only an issue of not understanding why they're happening so frequently, but also an issue of the side effects associated with long-term use of steroids. At the neurologist's office yesterday, he explained that the type of workout I did on Friday (which is my typical workout: cardio and light weights) should actually help the disk pain and slow the progression of disk degeneration; so, the workout definitely wasn't the trigger, according to him. Tomorrow, they'll be trying a new approach by performing a Cervical Medial Branch Block. The idea is to see if they can block the transmission of pain signals coming from the facet joints to the brain. If it works, then it means I'm a good candidate for Cervical Facet Radio Frequency Neurotomy (RF treatment), which basically uses radio frequency energy to damage the facet joint nerves, thereby cutting off pain signals to the brain. Tomorrow's process is more of a test, during which they're main goals are 1)to determine if the facet joints are the source of the pain and 2)if the branch block will be effective in blocking the pain signals. If both of these goals are reached, then we'll move forward to RF treatment, which is a more permanent option. Though they both sound a bit scary (to me, at least), they're options that would hopefully prevent me from needing surgery anytime soon.
At this point, I don't care what they do. I just want the pain to stop, and I don't want to have to worry every 4-6 weeks when the next episode is going to strike. What am I supposed to do if this shit hits me while I'm in England? Luckily, my doctor included refills on both the pain pills and the muscle relaxers: God bless that man.
Sunday morning I called the answering service for my general physician, and the on-call doctor called in scrips for each of the usual medicines, then I spent the rest of the day - Hubby's birthday - laying on the couch with the heating pad, drifting in and out of sleep. I felt like shit for not being able to wrap my husband's birthday gifts, hold E, or play with H in the front yard, but I was in severe pain.
Both my general physician and my neurologist are stumped as to why my disk pain episodes are occurring with increased frequency. It's not only an issue of not understanding why they're happening so frequently, but also an issue of the side effects associated with long-term use of steroids. At the neurologist's office yesterday, he explained that the type of workout I did on Friday (which is my typical workout: cardio and light weights) should actually help the disk pain and slow the progression of disk degeneration; so, the workout definitely wasn't the trigger, according to him. Tomorrow, they'll be trying a new approach by performing a Cervical Medial Branch Block. The idea is to see if they can block the transmission of pain signals coming from the facet joints to the brain. If it works, then it means I'm a good candidate for Cervical Facet Radio Frequency Neurotomy (RF treatment), which basically uses radio frequency energy to damage the facet joint nerves, thereby cutting off pain signals to the brain. Tomorrow's process is more of a test, during which they're main goals are 1)to determine if the facet joints are the source of the pain and 2)if the branch block will be effective in blocking the pain signals. If both of these goals are reached, then we'll move forward to RF treatment, which is a more permanent option. Though they both sound a bit scary (to me, at least), they're options that would hopefully prevent me from needing surgery anytime soon.
At this point, I don't care what they do. I just want the pain to stop, and I don't want to have to worry every 4-6 weeks when the next episode is going to strike. What am I supposed to do if this shit hits me while I'm in England? Luckily, my doctor included refills on both the pain pills and the muscle relaxers: God bless that man.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
